Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

How to Stop People From Annoying You

They’re like mosquitoes on a hot summer night – those irritating and annoying people. They can be found anywhere from our families or coworkers to drivers on the roadways to complete strangers we encounter while on vacation. Their quirky behaviors and annoying habits can ruin our day. Other than blow up, walk away, or simply endure their lack of sensitivity towards others, we’re often powerless to do anything about it. Uncle Joe who thinks he knows everything, a spouse who is chronically late for even the most important events, people who interrupt or bite their nails or cannot complete a sentence without saying “um” a gazillion times – augh! They drive us crazy!

Being annoyed is the mildest form of anger and subsequently takes the least amount of effort to address. If left unresolved it can easily progress to anger, then aggression (the 3 A’s of Anger, as I refer to it), each becoming more intense in nature. What is it about those people that make them so annoying anyway? Actually, it isn’t about them at all. Feeling annoyed is a state of mind, an emotion, and all emotions originate in our thoughts. While their actions may be less than ideal, we choose how we interpret them, feel about them, as well as how we react.
We get annoyed for several reasons: when others behave in ways that are different than we do (or what we deem to be normal) it is easy to place labels and judgments on them. We compare their behavior to our own: “I would never do that”. And since our behavior is perfectly acceptable then logically there must be something inherently wrong with theirs. Or we compare them to others: “Normal people don’t think that way.” – again seeing their actions as flawed.

We may try to manipulate them into changing their ways with such statements as “Why can’t you be more like your sister/me/everyone else?” “There’s something wrong with people who act the way you do. You should get some help.”

Humans, by their very nature, do not feel comfortable with that, or those, who are different. We tend to date the same kinds of people and socialize with those we share common interests with. When someone enters our world who has even the slightest quirkiness we are quick to criticize. We feel uncomfortable, out of our element, and want them to conform to our standards.

So how then do you stop someone from annoying you? Below are some suggestions in no particular order:

1. Remember that being annoyed is a personal choice. No one can make you feel anything. All emotions originate in the mind. Change your perception (thoughts) about them/it and the feelings will change accordingly.
2. Remove all expectations you have of how people should be or act. As I always say, “Never should on anyone.” People are not here to live up to your expectations. Give them the freedom to be who they are.
3. Life is meant to unfold naturally. You can force a greenhouse rose to bloom in winter but it will not survive the harsh reality of the environment. So it is with people: each has to grow and bloom in their own time and way.
4. Make light of the disturbing situation in your mind (do not make fun of the individual). Interject humor to diffuse your exasperation for your own sense of well-being. Put things into persepective.
5. Be compassionate if the situation warrants it. Sometimes those who have odd behaviors are struggling with deep rooted personal issues.
6. If the behavior puts you at risk, it is perfectly acceptable to speak with the other party and set some reasonable boundaries.
7. Be aware of how your behavior may be impacting others. It is not only the other person who can prove to be irritating.
8. Every experience, no matter how bothersome we may think it is, has purpose and value. Trust in God. Be at peace. All is exactly as it is meant to be for a higher purpose.

Planning this show proved to be a revelation for me. I discovered that there is more that bothers me than I realized – little insignificant irritations that rob me momentarily of my tranquility. Now that I am aware, I must be more diligent in allowing others and life to simply be. Inner peace matters. My mantra, “It is what it is”, will help restore the serenity that somehow slips away when I least expect it.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+

It’s Not Fair!

At one time or another, we’ve all complained that life isn’t fair. Children do it all the time: Karen, who is older by two years, is allowed to stay up later than her younger siblings. They complain to dad that they’re being treated unjustly, not realizing that at the same age her bedtime was thirty minutes earlier. As adults, we attribute this behavior to immaturity and expect that as children grow and develop this rationale will make way for a more judicious way of thinking . Sadly, many people carry this mind-set with them well into adulthood. Two of my favorite comedians from years back, Tom and Dick Smothers, had a standing skit where one grumbled that “Mom always liked you best!”, indicating a biased favoritism. On stage, this is entertaining. In real life, it’s unflattering and harmful.

Gary Zukov, NY Times bestselling author of The Seat of the Soul, says that the most important thing we have are our belief systems. Our entire lives are built upon them and if inaccurate we struggle and suffer. Believing that life was designed to be fair and balanced is a faulty tenet. When we see an perceived injustice we seek to recreate rightfulness. When it is not forthcoming, we feel frustrated and discriminated against. “I should have gotten that promotion, not the boss’s son. I’ve been here longer. That’s not fair!”

In our relationships, especially the close, personal or intimate ones, this kind of mindset can prove devastating. There are those who actually keep score: “I helped you when you needed it. Now you should give me a hand as well. That’s only right.” “I paid for our last evening out. Now it’s your turn.” In an attempt to keep things equitable, we manipulate the other party into feeling guilty should they decline our request. Seeking equality is a futile endeavor – it simply does not exist in an imperfect world inhabited by imperfect human beings. Attempting to do so is one of the quickest ways to build anger and resentment – toxic ingredients capable of destroying lives.

Life isn’t fair yet it is perfectly just. The lyrics to a Colin Raye song state that “You don’t always get what you want, you get what you need.” If we subscribe to this premise, which I do, then life is exactly what we need it to be. Each experience, each individual, each loss, each success is exactly what is necessary for us to fulfill our Divine Destiny, our Dharma (as Wayne Dyer calls it). If my child wants to be a great artist, I provide them with the proper canvases, brushes, and paints. If my son has a sprained ankle, I get him crutches. Identical? No. Fair? Yes. Each is receiving exactly what they need in that moment for their own good. Fair does not mean the same – it means having equal value. We become angry in part because we mistakenly assign random values to events and then compare what each of us has.

One of our greatest challenges lies in realizing that we are not meant to be treated alike but that the Universe, in all of its infinite wisdom, always provides exactly what we are meant to have for our higher good and that each experience has equal value.

What then is the solution to avoiding the bitterness and resentment assigned to the belief that life should be fair?
1. Remember that if life were perfectly balanced we would learn nothing: patience, appreciation, determination, forgiveness, and much more.
2. Celebrate the successes of others, extend compassion for their losses regardless of where you are in life, knowing that at the precise moment it is needed each will receive what they are intended to have.
3. Keep in mind that every single experience, no matter how insignificant, no matter how painful or frightening plays a unique role in fulfilling our Divine Destiny – which is always to bring us closer to God.
4. Don’t compare or keep score. One never fully realizes the challenges others are struggling with. Focus only on addressing and learning from your own. Failure to do so leads to self-pity, victimization, misery, and suffering.
5. Trust that God’s love for you always directs you to your highest good. Be at peace with your life. You are in good hands, the best hands, with God.

Life may not appear to be fair but it is always unbiased. Each of us is given exactly what we need to assist us in our spiritual growth and to bring us into a more intimate relationship with our Lord. Sounds pretty just to me.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+

Who Needs Anger?

Everyone – we all need anger. The most simple basic definition of anger is that it’s an indication that we have unmet needs that have to be addressed, a sign that something is lacking in our lives that we want to satisfy. As with all emotions, anger is normal, useful, healthy, and necessary. Emotions are messengers of sorts. Each one reveals aspects about ourselves that we may not be aware of so that we may better know who we are and what matters to us. When an outside event stirs anger inside, we must first ask ourselves, “What is it that I need in this situation?”

Here’s an example: my boss is giving me more work than can possibly be completed by any normal human being in an eight-hour day. Finally, I blow up at her screaming that not only is this unfair but it’s inhumane as well. I can’t take it anymore and I’m about ready to quit. So what is it that I’m seeking? Well, there could be several things: I may need to be treated fairly and with respect, or I may need help from an assistant, or perhaps I need state-of-the-art equipment or relevant training that would allow me to complete more in less time. It is essential to identify what’s missing so that one can put forth effort in the proper area in order to reach an acceptable solution. So, step one: identify what the need is; step two: create a plan to fulfill that requirement. If my young children are playing wildly and making lots of noise that’s grating on my nerves, before lashing out at them, I ask myself, what do I need? “I need them to be quiet! Isn’t it obvious?” Is that the authentic or deceptive need? There is a difference. What I am really seeking is peace and quiet. Must I make them sit quietly, coloring in a book, or can I simply retreat to my room and close the door? If my first effort is to silence them, it may not be as easy (or fair) to accomplish as I think. My second option may prove to be a much more reasonable and attainable one. I seek refuge behind closed doors – need satisfied.

Let me add, too, that there is a significant difference between needs and wants. We want a lot of things: a new car, a slimmer body, more money, an attentive spouse or a new wardrobe. But those are actually desires, not necessities. Needs are those elements which we cannot live without, those things absolutely essential for our very survival. And there are only a few: clean air, water, food, protection from the elements/harm, inner peace, and Love (with a capitol “L”). This is important to note because we put forth great effort in acquiring those things in life which are superfluous, thus distracting us from pursuing that which has lasting value.

We’re all human and our very nature entices us to seek some of the perks life has to offer. However, we need to maintain focus on what really matters. Here are some helpful suggestions:

1. Re evaluate all needs demands you have placed on yourself, others, and life in general. Place them in the proper folder: authentic needs or deceptive wants.
2. Once an authentic need is identified, create a plan to fulfill that requirement.
3. Refrain from trying to force life or others to be what you want. Relinquish the need to control. Allow others to be who they are. Allow life to unfold naturally according to Divine Order.
4. Put your faith and trust in God. Ultimately, all of our needs are provided by the Father (along with our efforts as well). Whatever is truly in our best interest, whatever God wants us to have or whoever He wants in our life will come to pass. In Matthew 6:26, we are reminded: “Look at the birds of Heaven – they do not sow or reap or gather into barns. Yet your Heavenly Father cares for them. Are you not more valuable than they are?”
5. Remember the Beatles’ lyrics when they wrote, “All you need is Love”. They were right – Love with a capitol “L”.

God is Love and all you really need you already have and always will . Everything else is just fluff and stuff.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+