STICKS AND STONES: DISARMING HURTFUL WORDS

I used to pride myself on being sensitive. The problem was I was easily hurt by the things other people said to me. I lived in a chronic state of pain which lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. But the alternative (being cold and aloof) was less appealing so I resigned myself to a life of sorrow. But as I got older and more comfortable with myself, the criticisms and negative comments of others became less problematic for me. I realized that words have no power other than what I assign to them. The word stupid for example does not evoke any particular emotion unless I take personal offense to being called stupid.

If you are easily offended by what others say, consider working on building a healthier sense of self, one which allows you to listen to both positive and negative comments directed at you. There is much that can be learned from the unattractive remarks we hear about ourselves. After all, which one of us would not benefit from correcting some of our imperfections? Here are a few more tips:
1. Don’t take personal offense to what is being said. Their truth is more opinion than fact.
2. Listen objectively to their comments. Like a mirror, people reflect back to us what they see that we may not be aware of. This can prove to be of great benefit to us.
3. Pay attention to your internal reaction. What does it reveal about you? Are you too sensitive, insecure, opinionated, close-minded? Work on improving these. 4. Did you misunderstand or misinterpret what the other party said? Ask for clarification.
5. If they are deliberately being rude or hurtful address your concerns and set boundaries. Then forgive them for their poor behavior and let go of the hurt.

If you are the one uttering hurtful words, take into consideration the following suggestions:
1. Before beginning, consider your motives. Are they honorable? If not, do not proceed until they are.
2. Speak the truth and temper it with compassion and sensitivity.
3. Carefully choose your words making sure to consider all possible methods of expressing yourself.
4. Imagine how the other party is interpreting what you are saying. Put yourself in their shoes.
5. Remember that it is what you say as well as how you say it. Choose polite honesty over brutal honesty every time. You’re efforts will be greatly appreciated and you will earn the respect of all parties.

Words don’t have to hurt. It is the individual who gives them power. Choose your words carefully for once spoken they can never be silenced.

Some great articles to read:
“M & M’s: Motive and Method” @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#motive
“Tell It Like It Is” @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#tell-it
“The Looking Glass” @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#looking-glass

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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Holiday Bucket List

I know most of the time when we think of a bucket list we think of it meaning things we would like to do before we die. To be clear I am not talking about that. I am talking about creating a list of things that you would like to accomplish prior to your holiday and doing your best to make it happen. It can be a stressful time of year so the list would be designed to nurture yourself, get in touch with your inner child, and keep the bah humbugs away.

Now is the perfect time to create this list as Thanksgiving is behind us and all thoughts are on the fastly approaching holidays. Remember the key words in creating this list are fun and joy. Here are some suggestions:

  • Get a real Christmas tree and decorate it the way you remember doing it as a child. Find some old fashioned lights, string popcorn, hang candy canes.
  • Go Caroling
  • Take an afternoon to spend in a bookstore. Get your favorite hot beverage and find some favorite or new holiday book.  Read the book and immerse yourself in the holiday spirit.
  • Have a spa treatment.  This can be a simple manicure, pedicure or go for the works and take a day to just celebrate yourself.
  • Buy yourself a present. Have it gift wrapped and put it under the tree
  • Get your picture taken with Santa Claus.
  • Buy scented candles that remind you of holidays past. I feel fragrance is the best reminder of fun times.
  • Pop some popcorn and binge watch all your favorite Christmas shows. From Charlie Brown’s Christmas to Frosty the Snowman.
  • Create a wacky video Holiday Greeting and share it with family and friends.
  • Look at photos of your childhood holidays. Are there things in these you could recreate? Like a favorite toy or food.
  • Buy yourself a toy. Wrap it and put in under the tree from Santa Claus.
  • Send yourself or buy yourself a bouquet of holiday flowers.

Maybe reading this you are sighing thinking “I only wish I had the time to do this.” I am inviting you to make your best effort. Even if your list is short it will remind you that these days can be much more than just being frantic. That you deserve to have fun and enjoy yourself.

Join me Tuesday, November 29 at 7:00 PM for The Night Shift and we will talk about the Christmas Bucket List. I will be giving away a signed copy of my book Songs of My Life…Slightly Out of Tune to one lucky listener.  I will be doing mini readings and I would love to have you in the Facebook chat as well https://www.facebook.com/groups/183716975330317/

Remember too if you miss the live broadcast you can catch the podcast replay on iHeart radio. http://www.iheart.com/show/209-The-Night-Shift/

www.susandintino.com

Ten Tips on How to Argue With an Idiot

“Idiots” are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People are inherently good but each of us at times acts out in an obnoxious or difficult manner. As you know, I do not make excuses or condone bad behavior but I do practice being understanding and non-judgmental of it.

When arguing with a person acting in an idiotic manner, here are a few tips that will be beneficial to all parties:

1. First assess if the situation even warrants your time and energy. If not, no response is necessary and you are free to ignore the comments.
2. If, in fact, you feel it is essential or you choose to engage with the other party, examine your motives for doing so. If you have any hidden agendas or your reasons are not purely honorable, refrain from interacting at that time.
3. Relinquish the need to be right, to be acknowledged, to be heard or to win. Most likely none of those will occur.
4. Practice diffusing statements. Refrain from making inflammatory comments that will fuel the argument. Remember the R/D/C Method: Refuse (to get caught up in the drama), Diffuse (using proper verbiage), Choose (alternatives to methods that have proven ineffective in the past).
5. Operate from a place of Spirit. Never allow ego to dictate your course of action.
6. State your position once. Do not repeat (unless they sincerely need clarification), explain, justify, or convince.
7. Be firm, fair, clear, and brief.
8. Acknowledge their position, feelings, beliefs and such. Be sincere. It is the first step towards gaining their respect and cooperation.
9. Thank them for their time and for sharing.
10. Know when to bow out of the discussion. Either change the topic or disengage completely (walking away is a form of disengaging.) Make a statement to inform the other party of your intention. “Nice speaking with you. I wish you the best. I have to leave now.”

Remember, true personal power is the ability to be unaffected negatively by outside circumstances. Maintain your composure and dignity and always extend respect to the other party regardless of how badly they are behaving. Be the example.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+