To Fight or Not to Fight? That is the Question

Do you enjoy a good fight? I don’t but I know some people who do. Regardless of who we are interacting with, differences of opinion, issues , and conflict will arise periodically. Some approach arguments with zest, others with great trepidation, and some avoid them at all costs. There are times when it is wise to circumvent the issue; other times they must be addressed head on. But is it possible to prevent a discussion from escalating into a full-blown fight? And how do you know when to proceed and when to simply walk away?

Let’s begin by identifying the difference between a discussion, argument, and fight. Upon consulting with Mr. Webster, as I often do, and analyzing the definition of each term, I discovered the following: discussions, debates, disagreements, and disputes share certain characteristics. They are an exchange of opposing ideas – plain and simple. Arguments, on the other hand, include an additional component of proof: proof of accuracy or fact, proof of being right. The moment we engage in issues of right and wrong we run the risk of a civil discussion escalating into an argument. Many people struggle with insecurity and pride and will resist being proven wrong. It’s humiliating and embarrassing and in order to maintain their dignity they will defend their position regardless.

Fighting involves an element of hostility – a desire to overcome an individual; to gain control over; to dominate. Now, a mere disagreement has intensified to issues of authority over the other party to which they may respond with self-protective aggression in order to preserve their position and safety. While it certainly seems more advantageous to rationally and calmly discuss an issue, how does one know if and when it is necessary to elevate a debate into a full-blown (verbal)fight?

Here are a few points to consider:

First: Determine the nature and seriousness of the issue at hand. It will fall into one of three possible categories:
a) insignificant (let it go – not worth the time or effort*)
b) important (needs to be discussed to obtain a possible resolution)
c) critical (matter of life or death, moral issue, involving personal safety – absolutely imperative to get resolved).

Second: Examine your motives and intent.
a) Are you seeking to be right? To prove the other party wrong? Do you want to teach them a lesson, put them in their place, or simply make a point? Are you arrogant, self-righteous, hurtful or mean-spirited? If so, you are operating in a place of ego and need to reexamine your motives.
b) Are you interested in learning about the other person’s ideas, values, needs, and wants? Do you have a strong desire to gain a deeper understanding and awareness of the issue at hand? Are you concerned about clearing up a possible misunderstanding, resolving a problem, healing a rift, assisting the other party, or preventing harm from occurring? Spirit concerns itself equally with the well-being of all parties and make morally responsible choices.

So much of what we fight about is relatively insignificant in the whole scheme of life. Put everything into perspective. While debating issues can be exciting and rewarding, it is fully within our grasp to maintain them at a safe level and prevent them from escalating into something far more serious and destructive. Be discerning. Reserve the intense emotions for the issues that hold true significance. And even then, remain open-minded, fair, reasonable, and respectful. You will gain far more traction in successfully resolving the dispute when maintaining your integrity.

*Refer to the 10 Year Rule: “Will this issue matter in ten years? Will I even remember it?” If the answer is “no” then let it go.

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January Jones visits Congressman Gosar

January Jones visits Congressman Gosar

Conressman Paul Gosar

Congressman Paul A. Gosar, DDS hails from Prescott, Arizona and is serving his second term in Congress as the Representative from Arizona’s Fourth Congressional District. As a health care provider and small business owner, Gosar is focused on bringing jobs back to the district, reforming health care, reining in government spending, and ensuring that the American people are involved in the solution making process.

Before being elected to Congress in 2010, Gosar owned his own dental practice in Flagstaff for twenty-five years. His experience in Dentistry earned him the recognition of the Arizona Dental Association’s “Dentist of the Year,” and he was also inducted into the Arizona Dental Association’s Hall of Fame.



Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Feed Your Children’s Brains with Music RECIPES!

Can music really feed your child’s brain? Would rap qualify or just Beethoven? Are those music lessons really worth it? If so, when should they begin? Are there foods that specifically help children musically? Our guest, Graham Hepburn, former concert pianist and thus a talented performer, educator, and entertainer, has had invaluable experience in making the learning of music exciting and fun for kids. This made him the perfect choice to take on the character of Quaver in the “Wonderful World of Music! For your children’s improved performance in school, balanced intelligence and emotional growth, healthy social skills plus the potential of talent discovery, you will want to tune into this show. Our Better Food Choices co-host, Carolina Jantac RD (Kid Kritics Approved) will share our list of Fuel Your Dreams foods targeted to giving your young musician the best odds. Not all children will become professional musicians, but all musically trained kids will have great potential to be the best they can be at whatever they chose to do! We’ll give you what you need to serve your kids foods they’ll love – RECIPES!

Join Carolina, Graham Hepburn and me as we make your life easier in the kitchen with Better Food Choices. Wednesday, 1pm ET on Health Café Live (

… for the health of your family,


Better Food Choices