ALTERNATIVE RESPONSES TO ANGER

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we’d like. When situations take an unfavorable turn, we become upset, frustrated, or angry. When others don’t agree with us, live their life the way we think they should, or act in a manner we find disturbing, anger is a typical response. With the exception a few extreme circumstance, an angry reaction rarely improves the situation or endears us to the other party.
For the most part, humans have very strong opinions about how life should be, how others should behave, and about what circumstances should occur and how they should eventually conclude. We expect a certain outcome that aligns with our beliefs or with the efforts we put forth. When situations don’t progress or end according to our plans we experience angst as to how the outcome will affect us and/or those we care about. For example, the recent presidential election has a portion of the country frightened and angry about what the future holds with our new president. Unpredictable weather on our wedding day causes concern for the overall success and enjoyment of our special day.

In another regard, we are quick to complain when an individual is not behaving way we want them to or the way we think they should be. This anger evolves when we label and judge people based on our criteria of what we believe to be right regarding their attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, life-style choices, etc. A harsh assessment of the other party leads to harsh feelings as well. (Thoughts create feelings.)
When anger arises in these areas it’s an indication that frustration or fear is lurking beneath: frustration that we cannot control our circumstances and fear as to how that situation will impact us and those around us.

Anger also arises from hurt: if someone criticizes the way we look we may take personal offense. Their perceived cruelty and lack of regard for our feelings is disconcerting. We feel disrespected and our natural defenses take over, fueling the need to correct them, put them in their place or retaliate with an even more hurtful comment teaching them that we will not tolerate their ill-mannered behaviors.
In each of the above examples, anger gives us the momentary feeling of power in a situation where we feel we have lost authority. However, any person or situation that can cause us to react in a manner not beneficial to us actually has more clout that we do. Thoughtful consideration of what feelings and reply are most advantageous actually restores our authentic power.

Consider the following alternatives to anger:

Compassion: a compassionate response can be the perfect solution to anger. Compassion consists of both understanding and empathy. We can view the individual whose behavior we find unacceptable from a place of understanding. Each person has a right to live life according to their beliefs, dreams, needs, etc. If someone is struggling or acting inappropriately, rather than becoming irate because they are not living up to my ideals, I can remove the “shoulds” (unspoken expectations) and in my heart grant them permission to have the experience they are engaging in, knowing that it is a necessary part of their life’s journey. If they are struggling, lost, or in pain, I can choose to feel compassion or sadness for their suffering, hoping that they soon pass through their current challenge to a more joyful place. Being patient and always treating them with kindness (which may include setting some reasonable boundaries) during this time are all components of being compassionate. Choosing this alternative response softens one’s heart and prevents anger from manifesting.

Humor* is another powerful tool for diffusing anger. We take life far too seriously. We take personal offense to what others are saying or doing rather than remaining emotionally detached. After all, their behavior is a reflection of their internal environment and has nothing at all to do with me. We become agitated when things don’t go according to our plans yet in reality a life that conforms precisely to our dictates teaches us nothing. We worry and obsess over that which we have no control over or that which in reality is relatively unimportant. (Ten year rule: will this matter in ten years? Will I even remember it? If not, then it’s not important now.) Humor puts any serious situation into its proper perspective. It diffuses fear and angst; it acts as a protective barrier to emotional pain as we recognize that what is transpiring has nothing at all to do with me; and it makes light of that which in reality has no significant value.

So when others behave badly, find it in your heart to forgive them for their indiscretions rather that judge them. When life hands you the exact opposite of what you requested, make light of it. After all, this life is only temporary so why get so bend out of shape when it doesn’t conform to your ideals? Rain on your wedding day? Break out the umbrellas and boots and dance in the puddles!

*Just a note of caution: humor is not intended to be directed at the other party. One can find humor in the situation or make light of their own reaction or behavior. Humor must never direct it at the other person. To do so is disrespectful and may very well make the situation far worse than it is.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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What’s the Bread All About?

Our culture is over-saturated with fashion, politics, sports, music and entertainment. Everyone has his or her opinion and thoughts. Our society is consumed with the next big thing, trying to keep up with appearances. Many find themselves unable to handle rejection and failure to live up to the unrealistic expectations the world puts on them, they cave under the pressure and fall prone to depression, anxiety, and suicide.
However, when it comes to topics of life that matters, such as relationships, sex, finances, marriage, raising children, faith and church, no one has a clue. Cosmo magazine, Oprah and Dr. Phil claim to have all the answers. As to some extent, they have temporary solutions to the problems.

Parents give advice about relationships, finances and sex based on their experiences. Many times, they are ashamed of their past and say things like, “Be careful,” “Use protection,” “Get a good job that pays the bills,” “Make sure he loves you.” And in other cases, parents say nothing to their children at all about the issues of the life. As a result, children grow up and go out into the world with no guidance or solid advice. When they become adults, they have no idea on how to make major decision. Too often they find themselves living life by the seat of their pants! Now we see adults fall into one toxic relationship after another, with a job that does not pay enough; the bills are due. Now confused adults are frustrated and stressed out, and are carrying the pressures of life are on their shoulders. So this begs the question: what do I do now? Is this all there is to life?

Can anyone relate to this? If so, you definitely want to continue listening to the show. Maybe you had a church experience that is similar to this:

You may have heard a message at church that says God wants you to be happy, healthy and wealthy. You should do what makes you happy. Jesus loves you and came to bring you joy, peace, and happiness. If you just answer a few questions on this card: Do you believe Jesus is the Son of God? Do you believe Jesus died on the cross? Do you believe Jesus died for your sins? Congratulations, you just welcomed Jesus into your heart! Be prepared for your new life as a child of God! Salvation is yours! Everything is going to be great!

In both of these experiences, have you learned anything that can you help with your life’s problems? Are you still in the same situation and may even be more frustrated than you were before you went to church?

Why do we have situations like this in church?

According to an article written by Jeremiah Johnson, from Fox News, the Bible has become a moving target. One can strip it down, twist it, misread it, add to it, supplement it, and even overrule it, and, unfortunately, 95 percent of the congregation has no idea what is going on. They are just going along with the flow.

Why? Because Americans no longer know the Bible. The evidence is overpowering that contemporary Christianity is “Bible-ish”, at best, and at worst, in some cases, “Bible-less.”

So, let’s think about this for just a moment: If churches are not talking about the Gospel- instead giving traditions- then where are people supposed to hear the truth about this glorious gospel that’s for everyone? It is easy to see why everyone has his or her own thoughts and opinions. They have NOT heard the truth. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. People know not BECAUSE they heard NOT.

We wanted to take the time to share with you our present condition. We can clearly see we are consumed with the ways and thoughts of the culture. When’s the last time you heard the news talk about the way to salvation or “The View” for that matter? Society does not take your salvation seriously and why would they? 1 John 2: 15 says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

This answers the question as to why you cannot live like the people in the world: they don’t have the love of Jesus Christ in them. Why, you may ask: 2 Corinthians 4: 4 we find it says, the god of this world has blinded the minds of them which do not obey the gospel.

Did you know that 150,000 people die every twenty-hour and more people go to hell than to heaven? I know, this sounds harsh, but it is a real and harsh reality that no one wants to talk about. Remember, this show is real talk about real life. You get NO fluff here. There is so much information about there. No wonder people are confused! Your soul matters to us and we want you to be informed.

You may be asking how do I know this is true? Allow me to show you:
In Matthew 7: 13 – 14, Jesus says,” Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are MANY who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are FEW who find it.

It is important to point out there are two roads: the path leads to destruction and the path that leads to life that is ETERNAL LIFE. Which path are you on?

Many people are going their own way and Jesus says that path leads to destruction. There are MANY PATHS that lead to destruction, which is contrary to the thought process that says ALL paths lead to God. The truth is there is ONLY ONE PATH that leads to life, and path is Jesus Christ. When you don’t know the Word for yourself, it is easy to fall for and believe anything someone tells you.

We would like to leave you with this closing thought:

I would like for you to think about what you have just heard about confessing Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life. A confession is not a mere acknowledging Jesus Christ exists or the facts the gospel (he came; he died and rose on the third day.) It is admitting that you are at fault, that you have broken God’s Holy Law. Here are three questions you must ask yourself: Who is the important person in my life? Am I under the authority of Christ or the authority of myself? Am I willing to give up my ways to follow the ways of God? In John 17: 3, it says, “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” To know means to have personal, intimate relationship with. Do you know the One True God for yourself? Do you know His character, His nature; what He likes and hates? Do you know His Word? This is what it means to “know” Jesus Christ personally and intimately.

There are many that have reduced Salvation to a check list of statements that you agree to, and have told you it is OK to continue to live your life your way under your terms. This, my friends, is a lie from the devil. This is the lie that has crept into the church and has weakened it. It has made people complacent and apathetic. Here is the good news: It doesn’t have to be this way. Today is a new day, a day anew and fresh. However, it is your choice.

The question is: will you choose Jesus who says, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life and NO man come to the Father but by Me”; or choose the ways of the world that will lead you to death and Hell? If you choose Jesus, repent towards God for your sins and confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Authority of your life, and put your faith and trust (which is all confidence) in Jesus whom God raised from the dead, then you will be saved.

This is where we give the Word. Talk about the Word. Eat the Word. Bread of Life. Until next week on the Bread of Life Show. Check out the Bread of Life show every Wednesday at 5 PM EST/4PM CST at www.w4cy.com! #RealTalk #BreakNChains #BreadOfLifeTalkShow #IHeartRadio #ConfessionsOfTheHeart

MAD, SAD, OR GLAD: THE OPTIONS

We all get angry from time-to-time. Sometimes our anger is righteous, that is to say it is justifiable and other times without valid cause. For instance, imagine your child is late returning from an evening basketball game. He does not call to let you know that the game went into overtime. You’re unable to reach him and become fearful that something awful may have happened to him. It was also agreed upon that he would call if he was going to be late. Your trust has been violated in addition to the fact that you are frantic (fear: a root cause of anger). Most would agree that anger under these circumstances is an appropriate response.

An unjustifiable cause of anger can occur when we have unfair expectations of others. For example: we expect that every family member share equally in the care of their elderly parents. If the majority of the burden falls upon one member for whatever reason, that person may become irate and resentful of the others. However, perhaps the others are not logistically able to assist equally. Or their relationship may not be as strong as the primary caregiver, thereby dictating to them that their obligations are not as compulsory. To expect that others share the same values, commitment or goals as we do is unrealistic. Unmet expectations lead to anger and bitterness.

I’ve found myself in the latter situation. As my parents aged, they needed more care. However, the sibling who lived closest to them supplied sporadic care at best. I chose to put aside a minimum of one day every week to be with them, caring for whatever needs they had at each stage in their life. Over the course of twenty years, their needs increased and at times I felt overwhelmed and exhausted. I had to make a choice: I could be mad at the other sibling for not being more helpful or I could be sad that she was missing such a wonderful opportunity to care for two of the most loving parents ever created. I chose to feel sad for her rather than mad. Anger is judgmental and poses a threat to my emotional and physical well-being as well as interfering with my ability to live a serene life. Sadness, on the other hand, does neither. As long as I do not allow it to consume me, being sad can soften my heart with compassion towards her and prevents bitterness from manifesting.

The second alternative is to be glad. While this might sound like an unusual substitution for being angry, it is a very valid one. Regardless of life’s circumstances, I am always given the opportunity to be joyful. I can view this perceived imbalance of responsibility as a chance for me to learn to be more understanding, patient, kind, forgiving, respectful, and non judgmental. After, who am I to demand like attitudes or behaviors from anyone? Who am I to impose my way on another? I am here to do what I believe to be right; to do what God expects me to do; to follow my heart and my life’s path. My sibling is not on the same journey as I and I must respect her right to do what she needs to do. In this regard, I can find appreciation and happiness in an opportunity to further my spiritual development.

One is always free to change how they feel simply by refocusing their attention in a different manner. I can focus on what I am unhappy about, I can judge and label the other party, I can claim that the situation is unfair and imbalanced, and I can also choose to feel angry and sorry for myself. Or I can view the other person from a place of sadness that they are unaware of what they are missing out on; that they are misguided or resistant to embracing a powerful spiritual opportunity; that they are not fully living from a place of love and generosity as they appear to be more consumed with their own lives than that of their parents. Changing my thought process, my internal dialogue – what I say to myself about them and the situation – allows me to avoid the anger that comes from judgment and replace it with compassion that arises out of sadness for their misguided actions. I can then refocus my thoughts on the valuable lessons I’ve just acquired, the spiritual growth spurt I’ve enjoyed, and the many blessings surrounding me that I am forever grateful for.

Mad, sad or glad: the choice is yours. Choose your thoughts; choose your feelings. It’s entirely up to you.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+