Grief and the Holidays

This Thursday is Thanksgiving and this will be the first holiday I will be celebrating since I lost my husband. Since his passing in October, I have gone through a myriad of feelings, shock, grief, anger, grief, disbelief, grief…well you get the idea. I know these holidays will be very different for me and my family. How do we cope? is the question I have been asking myself and did some research to get some ideas as to how we can make this time a bit easier.

First of all the one thing I have realized above all else is that my life has changed and will never be the same. Because that is true for day to day activities it is certainly true for the holidays. It is not a time to pretend that the holidays will be as they were or attempt to duplicate them in that way. It just won’t work. So it is time to begin new traditions. I know we will have to take baby steps with this and we intend to. I have made it a point to communicate with my family as to what my thoughts are and how they feel about them. Some of the suggestions I had they liked and some not some much. The same with their suggestions. It is important to keep the lines of communication open because as we approach this challenging time I want to be sure we are all on the same page.

Researching grief this time of year here are a few suggestions that resonated with me:

  • Change the location of where you usually spend the holidays. This year our family is all going to New York City. Some of us will gather for Thanksgiving dinner others will meet up during the weekend.
  • Create new traditions. Around the Thanksgiving table in addition to sharing what we are grateful for we are all going to share a favorite memory of Thanksgivings past.
  • Include a favorite dish of your loved one in the holiday meal.
  • If there are special items from your loved one that you have been waiting to disperse this could be a good time to do that.
  • Shelters welcome clothes especially winter clothing this time of year. If you are ready may be a good time to start clearing out the closets.
  • Make a donation to a favorite charity in your loved one’s name.
  • Splurge on a gift for you. Remember that self care is so important as you are going through the grieving process and being kind to yourself with nurturing acts should be a top priority.
  • For Christmas we have had a few ideas. A candle lighting ceremony where each family member stands in a circle with a candle. When the first candle is lit the flame is passed to the next candle. The last person lights the candle in the center which represents my husband and their dad.  I also thought it might be fun to pull names and give the person’s name you pulled a gift from dad. Thinking what he might do as he could be quite the gift giver with his last minute shopping!

The most important thing to note here is that you who are grieving should go through the holidays your way. If cards, cooking, decorating,  and even gift giving is too much for you give yourself a break. As soon as you feel yourself doing something because you feel you “have to” or you will feel “guilty” if you don’t hit the pause button. This is a time for you to totally respect your desires and if the people around you don’t understand, than it may be time to use Rhett Butler’s famous line at the end of the movie Gone With Wind. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Join me on The Night Shift as we discuss this topic, get our gratitude attitude on and launch the holidays from a positive perspective. Tuesday, 11/22 7:00 PM Eastern.

Join Us in the Facebook Chat https://www.facebook.com/groups/183716975330317/

Visit my website for some great holiday gift ideas www.susandintino.com

Riptide Music Festival

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#talk4media, #w4cyradio & #pipemanradio will be here and so should you. The biggest alternative & classic music festival in South Florida on the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale and the only place to be on 12/3 & 12/4. Get your tickets now before it’s sold out! We even have a couple tickets left to giveaway. Who’s interested?

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The BLAME Game

When something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame?

“I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault”

“My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.”

Sadly, many people hold others accountable for what isn’t working in their life.

Things are a mess and rather than take ownership they blame others. What they don’t realize is that blame robs them of personal power.

Just take a look at the word itself: BLAME. Can you see the two other words hidden within? Lame and Me. “How lame of me to blame.” The definition of lame is “weak”. Blame is a sign of weakness.

Responsibility is power. When one takes full accountability for their life – the situations they’re in, the way they feel, the choices they make – then no one has power over them.

Life happens…to all of us. I may not be able to control what occurs around me but I certainly decide how I am going to handle it and how I will allow it to affect me.

You can choose to spend less money, look for a higher paying job, scale back on your expenses, pay off your bills and become debt free…or not.

Your mother’s hurtful remarks about you do not constitute truth. You can remind yourself that God created you as a beautiful and valuable person. His Word is Truth. Then begin making more intelligent decisions about your life. Or, remain stuck in the past and continue to hold your mother accountable for your suffering.

Do not relinquish you life, happiness and success to another. Take ownership for everything you do, have and are. No one is responsible for your life except you. Vow to become the kind of person you can admire and create the life you desire. Be the master of your own destiny. Blame no one.

Take a look at what’s not working in your life right now. What did you do (or fail to do) that contributed to your current circumstances? What changes would you like to see happen? What can you do now to make that occur?

Blame serves no constructive purpose. It places us in the role of victim and renders us powerless. Feelings of powerlessness lead to anger, resentment, bitterness and self pity. And that, my friend, is the shortest road to misery.

Refrain from Blame. Live a powerful life of unlimited abundance.
Please share this message with all who would benefit.

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