D~U~C~A~P Method of Dealing With a Difficult Person

We could all use a few suggestions for dealing with those difficult coworkers, obnoxious family members, or challenging neighbors that find their way into our lives. Some really know how to push our buttons and bring out the worst in us; others are stubborn or opinionated; still others can be rude, disrespectful, or argumentative. Whatever their unique behaviors are, they pose a challenge to everyone they encounter. It’s easy to become frustrated and short-tempered but that rarely makes the situation better. Some find it easier to simply avoid them whenever possible. That, too, can pose its own set of challenges not to mention that avoidance fails to teach us much needed skills to be successful in life. Here are five unique strategies that enable us to better handle difficult people:

1. Don’t judge: The first critical mistake most of us make occurs when we label and judge others. “This guy’s being a jerk!” “She’s so full of herself!” We form unflattering opinions on the individual based on how they are behaving. We fail to separate their actions from who they are intrinsically. That’s equivalent to judging someone by their physical appearance. We are not our behaviors. Labeling (creating a thought about that person) determines how we will feel about them. And we treat people based on our feelings. “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

2. Understand: The opposite of judgment is understanding. It is what all humanity seeks – to be understood. Each of us is struggling with internal issues and demons. A woman may have a sick child at home that she is worried about; your coworker is trying to balance a full-time job, supporting a family, and caring for an elderly parent. Anyone under these condition would be stressed to their limits. Behavior is an outward expression of what a person is dealing with internally. “Bad” behavior merely reflects an unresolved issue such as fear, pain, loneliness, embarrassment, etc.

3. Compassion: Not only do people seek to be understood intellectually, they also desire that others fully know on an emotional level what they are struggling with. One who has recently lost a spouse does not need to hear someone say, “Yeah, I lost mine too. You’ll get used to it.” What they are seeking is the emotional support that accompanies compassion. “I lost my husband last year. It was the loneliest time of my life. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Extending compassion bonds individuals on a deeper emotional level. It does not excuse poor behavior nor does it give permission for it to continue. One has every right to set fair and reasonable boundaries with the other party.

4. Assistance: In circumstances where we continue to have contact with the individual through necessity or choice, it is important to offer them whatever support they need pertaining to those issues that are causing them distress. In doing so, they may more relaxed and even-tempered. As each of us addresses and heals those issues our behavior automatically reflects that. If I can offer my personal experiences that are similar or share some insights or words of wisdom then hopefully the other party will embrace my contributions and recognize the value of change.

5. Patience: Most of us want what we want when we want it. However, this is not how personal evolution works. Growth takes time. Each of us in on our own personal journey towards enlightenment which cannot be hurried. “All things in God’s time.” Just as I did have not attained my present state of being in any predetermined time, nor can I expect that others will comply with my time frame and reach each pinnacle according to my dictates. Keep in mind, too, that I have not yet reached a state of perfection and others are respectful enough to extend the gift of patience to me as well. Therefore, I can expect no less from myself.

As a society, we have become much more compassionate towards those with physical disabilities. It would be completely insensitive and highly offensive were we to be abrasive or unsympathetic to those who faced greater physical challenges than the average individual. For those who are emotionally or verbally challenging, their disability is their inability to identify and heal their personal issues. One is of a physical nature, the other emotional yet both need to be treated with the same amount of sensitivity. We need to extend the same considerations to the latter as we do to the primary.

I hate clichés but this one certainly is apropos for this subject matter: remember that each person is a work in progress. And remember, too, it’s about progress not perfection. And while you are busy noticing the imperfections in others, be certain to first identify and work on your own issues. Make certain that you are not the difficult person others can’t deal with.

Matthew 7:5 “First take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

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New Moon April 7 Energy

The Night Shift

The New Moon energy is ushered in on April 7th. A New Moon signifies a time when the moon is 0% illuminated and the beginning of a 28 day cycle which ends with the Full Moon which would be April 22nd. In astrology it is believed that New Moon energy lends itself to being a great time to make a fresh start and being in Aries this month it signifies a time of change. Because much of April will be a bit of a roller coaster ride energetically speaking what will begin as chaotic and unexpected change will switch to a more structured planned change.

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What does this mean for you? It is a good time to set an intention to create something you would like to bring into your life. Start with a to do list. Is there clutter that needs to be cleared? This may be the first step in clearing the way to bring in something new. If this is the case set some time to do just that prioritizing the things you need and discarding the things it is time to let go of. Maybe you are considering a new job but have just not had the gumption to start the process. The solution? Use this New Moon energy to update your resume.

We are going to be talking about all of this and more this week on The Night Shift along with taking your calls and questions in the Facebook chat room. If you haven’t joined yet just click on the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/183716975330317/ 

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Alfonso Undurraga: Chilean Wine 2.0- Extending the Family Legacy

With a six generation legacy of  growing grapes and making wine, the Undurraga family has been at the forefront of fine wine production in Chile since the 1880s. Undoubtedly one of that country’s most famous wine making families, they have a number of firsts in their lengthy list of accomplishments, not the least of which was that they were the first Chilean winery to export their wine to the United States, way back in 1903.12

When the family sold the winery in 2006, they started a new venture in the Los Lingues zone of Alto Colchagua, Koyle Winery. Run by family members Alfonso Undurraga and his sons Alfonso (Jr), Max, and Cristobol, Vina Koyle, as it is called, takes its name from a Chilean Indian word for the rare local purple flower that grows around the 2700 acres of land in the foothills of the Andes where the winery sits. The Undurraga family also owns vineyards near the coast, and source grapes from both their inland and coastal vineyards to make the wines. All their vineyards are farmed either organically or biodynamically.

Alfonso Undurraga and his sons Alfonso (Jr), Max, and Cristobol

Alfonso Undurraga and his sons Alfonso (Jr), Max, and Cristobol

Currently Koyle is focusing on the following wines: Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, and a small production of Chile’s flagship varietal, Carmenere.  Some proprietary blends are also in the portfolio, including AUMA, their top wine, created from a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Carmenere, Syrah, Malbec and Petite Verdot from the winery’s oldest vineyard plantings – with each grape aged separately for 24 months in French oak before being blended and aged in a “concrete egg” tank for an additional 9 months before bottling.

A new star on the Chilean wine scene, Vina Koyle only has a few vintages under its belt, but with over a century of experience in making wine, the Undurraga family seems to be on track to create yet another legacy for themselves in the world of Chilean wine.

Alfonso Undurraga

Alfonso Undurraga

Alfonso Undurraga (the younger) joins us on The Connected Table LIVE! April 6 at 2:00pm ET to speak about his family’s winemaking legacy, new venture Vina Koyle, and also the state of winemaking in Chile as a whole, as he also serves as Director of that country’s wine trade marketing association, Wines of Chile.

Connect: Facebook: Koyle   Twitter: @totikoyle

Melanie and David are the Insatiably Curious Culinary Couple

Melanie and David are the Insatiably Curious Culinary Couple. Follow on Facebook, Twitter and http://Instagram.com.TheConnectedTable. Learn more about what they do at www.TheConnectedTable.com