You Can’t Ruin My Day

Have you ever gotten out of bed in the morning declaring that today was going to be a great day? And before your first cup of coffee, something happened that completely ruined everything? Perhaps your child woke up sick or the car wouldn’t start or your boss calls you to let you know that you’ll be staying late tonight to finish a very important project. The day is less than an hour old and already it’s ruined. Or is it? We are quick to relinquish our happiness to the attitude or actions of another person or to the less than ideal circumstances that unexpectedly appear in our life. But since we cannot always control our circumstances or other people, we can at least prevent them from ruining our day.
First and foremost, remind yourself that your happiness is not dependent on who you are with, what they are saying or doing, or what is occurring. Your happiness is the sole result of your thought process. If your coworker is in a bad mood, you can become angry and frustrated with him based on what you say to yourself about his behaviors. “Jim’s always complaining about something. I can’t stand being around him.” Like a cold or flu, attitudes are contagious but those with a strong immune system can avoid becoming infected. Those with a strong mindset who are determined to stay positive can maintain their good spirits in spite of those around them. It takes practice but keeping your thoughts positive protects you from emotional misery.

It’s also important to pay close attention to the expectations we have of others. In this highly controversial year of a presidential election, emotions run wild. A conservative who is discussing their personal choice with a liberal may become agitated when their opponent fails to see the logic behind their choice. What began as two friends enjoying lunch together deteriorates into an angry confrontation because each party fully expected that they could sway the other to ally with them. A willingness to allow people to disagree with you and to permit situations to be what they are without the need to force anything to comply with your way enables you to maintain your serenity rather than succumb to anger and frustration.
I spent fifteen years working at a battered women’s shelter with a clientele that loved drama. The women would easily be pulled into the chaos others would create. My suggestion to simply disengage, to walk away if necessary, was difficult for many to follow. The temptation to become involved was overwhelming and more often than not they fell prey to the stress of the situation. In time, some learned that if they wanted to maintain their happiness, they needed to avoid outside drama.

An obscure antidote to misery is gratitude. In the event you feel your happiness and serenity slipping away, a quick reminder of what you have to be grateful for can thwart off any potential misery. Since the brain can only entertain one emotion at a time, focusing on what you appreciate in life enables you to secure a joyful outlook on life.

Set your intention: just as one arises each morning with a list of things to accomplish and a plan of how to do that, it’s critical to create your “emotional intention” as well. That is, decide how you want to feel for the next twenty-four hours and follow through by making consistent choices throughout the day that support that. For instance, if I decide that today is going to be a wonderful day, then even if I’m stuck in traffic, I keep my mind centered on how fortunate I am to have a job, that when I get home at the end of the day, my family and/or dog will be there waiting for me, or that I’ll have time to work out. I consistently choose the mindset and behaviors that support my original intention.

You and you alone create your internal environment, that is, your happiness or misery. No one has the ability to ruin your day without your permission. Don’t put your bliss in someone elses hands. Maintain your personal power and choose happiness and joy regardless of what’s occurring. You are the author of your own life so make your story a great one.

A special thanks to my guest, Allen Klein, author “You Can’t Ruin My Day”www.allenklein.com.
Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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When is the Last Time You Did Something New?

COVER_ME

The Dalai Lama says that one of the key ingredients to a happy life is to visit a place you have never been to before once a year. This got me thinking. When was the last time I stepped out of my comfort zone? Really tried something different? Went somewhere I had never been before. I realized that as I am getting older I am stepping back a bit and knew without a doubt this was not a good thing. Now I probably am not going to jump out of a plane anytime soon but there are things I have been putting on the back burner waiting for the right time.
In 2002 I published a children’s book entitled A Year of Me. The August chapter goes like this:
August is the month
to see what you like to do
There are many things to try
that might be fun for you.
Like fishing for a fish
or wishing on a star.
You could ride on a pony
or travel in a car.
You can play games with your friends
or play all by yourself
With blocks, or dolls, or trucks
paint a picture of an elf.
You can read a book
walk a dog
jump into the sea.
Bake a cake
build a fort
even climb a tree.
There is no end
to all the things
that you can do
“I know I can
______________________ (this is where you fill in the blank)
and see it I like it too. 

Let’s fill in this blank together and do something new and this week on The Night Shift, Tuesday 8/2 at 7:00 PM we are going to talk about taking chances and discovering new things. With the new moon energy it is the perfect time!
I also am going to give away a copy of A Year of Me to one lucky listener! Of course there will be mini readings too!
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Anger: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As a child I was taught that anger was a bad emotion but I’ve have since come to understand that there are no bad feelings. All emotions have purpose and value as they teach us about ourselves based on how we react to external events. We assign value to each depending on how people act them out. If someone feels angry and reacts by screaming or hitting someone, it is pretty well agreed upon that that’s bad. Hence the feeling behind the behavior is labeled likewise. Keep in mind that it’s imperative to always separate the feeling from the behavior. The emotion may be appropriate to the situation but the actions that follow may not be.

GOOD ANGER: Anger is a necessary part of our existence as it alerts us to the fact that something is wrong or in need of our attention. For example, if I’m constantly annoyed at my husband, my anger may signify that I have too many expectations of him and am not accommodating enough of our differences. Becoming more aware of my arrogance and consciously changing my thoughts about him enable me to move beyond anger to a place of loving acceptance. My anger ultimately proves to be a blessing as the peace I now acquire not only benefits me but my husband as well.

We may also experience anger when we witness an injustice is occurring. Without becoming upset or irate, how would we know that we need to take action to correct it? In this regard, laws have been created by man to protect the innocent and create a fair and equitable society for everyone.
And in the event we feel threatened or unsafe, whether physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, etc, anger prepares us for the vital fight or flight response. We either stay to correct a wrongdoing or we flee in order to keep ourselves safe.

BAD ANGER: Anger becomes problematic when it is mishandled, misdirected (at those who are undeserving) or the result of a misconception.
A popular song, Lost Boy, is one of my new top five favorites. I recently listened to it on Youtube and much to my surprise discovered that it’s performed by a lovely dark skinned young woman. I had envisioned a 14 year old Caucasian girl with a short pixie haircut. I mentioned to a friend of mine how surprised I was. “She didn’t sound black”, I stated. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, clearly disturbed by my comment. “Just how are blacks supposed to sound?” She was clearly irate. “Some black singers have a very distinct kind of twang (for lack of a better descriptive term) to their voice”, I responded, “much like a Southerner might or an Aussie from down under, a Hispanic sporting a Spanish accent, and so on. Each has a unique sound to their voice that gives insight into their heritage or where they’re from.”

In this instance, my friend clearly had unresolved issues with racism, insecurity, poor self-image or some such issue. Her reaction indicated that she was not comfortable with my comment and perceived it to be derogatory. Such a perception led her to respond with anger. When one takes personal offense to what others are saying or doing or misinterprets anothers innocent actions as hostile, their anger reveals a deeper rooted issue that is causing distress to themselves. However, with serious introspection, one can determine the root cause of their indignation and thus seek an effective solution through understanding and healing.

Anger can be detrimental to our physical health as explosive or long-term anger can cause the body’s natural immune system to break down making one more susceptible to a range of diseases from high blood pressure to ulcers, cancer and more. There are also times when we use anger against ourselves, when we are so upset we may deny ourselves the chance to be happy or to take advantage of a wonderful new opportunity; to laugh or find joy in the moment or to fully express or receive love. Anger can damage our outlook on life, impede our emotional well-being, and rob us of our overall sense of enjoyment in life.

UGLY ANGER: Anger at its worst becomes ugly when it is used to hurt or offend others or cause any type of damage to a person or object. Criticism, belittling, embarrassing, ignoring, and gossiping are all expressions of anger at its worst. Acts of racism, physical violence, hate speech, betrayals are all violent forms of anger being expressed with the sole purpose of causing extreme pain or hardship to another. Intimidation, manipulation, threats and coercion all seek to gain control over another party through the use of force. Damage to nature or personal property through acts of rioting and looting or individual acts of rage are all reminders of just how ugly anger can become when it’s intent is to harm rather than to foster positive change.

To summarize: anger is neither a bad emotion nor a good one. It’s simply a messenger. When we are able to understand why we react in anger as opposed to another feeling, we can uncover the root cause of our issues, resolve them and ultimately channel our actions into creating positive change that benefits not only the self but those around us as well. Use anger to your advantage. Much good can come from doing so.
Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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