Ten Tips on How to Argue With an Idiot

“Idiots” are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People are inherently good but each of us at times acts out in an obnoxious or difficult manner. As you know, I do not make excuses or condone bad behavior but I do practice being understanding and non-judgmental of it.

When arguing with a person acting in an idiotic manner, here are a few tips that will be beneficial to all parties:

1. First assess if the situation even warrants your time and energy. If not, no response is necessary and you are free to ignore the comments.
2. If, in fact, you feel it is essential or you choose to engage with the other party, examine your motives for doing so. If you have any hidden agendas or your reasons are not purely honorable, refrain from interacting at that time.
3. Relinquish the need to be right, to be acknowledged, to be heard or to win. Most likely none of those will occur.
4. Practice diffusing statements. Refrain from making inflammatory comments that will fuel the argument. Remember the R/D/C Method: Refuse (to get caught up in the drama), Diffuse (using proper verbiage), Choose (alternatives to methods that have proven ineffective in the past).
5. Operate from a place of Spirit. Never allow ego to dictate your course of action.
6. State your position once. Do not repeat (unless they sincerely need clarification), explain, justify, or convince.
7. Be firm, fair, clear, and brief.
8. Acknowledge their position, feelings, beliefs and such. Be sincere. It is the first step towards gaining their respect and cooperation.
9. Thank them for their time and for sharing.
10. Know when to bow out of the discussion. Either change the topic or disengage completely (walking away is a form of disengaging.) Make a statement to inform the other party of your intention. “Nice speaking with you. I wish you the best. I have to leave now.”

Remember, true personal power is the ability to be unaffected negatively by outside circumstances. Maintain your composure and dignity and always extend respect to the other party regardless of how badly they are behaving. Be the example.

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Grief and the Holidays

This Thursday is Thanksgiving and this will be the first holiday I will be celebrating since I lost my husband. Since his passing in October, I have gone through a myriad of feelings, shock, grief, anger, grief, disbelief, grief…well you get the idea. I know these holidays will be very different for me and my family. How do we cope? is the question I have been asking myself and did some research to get some ideas as to how we can make this time a bit easier.

First of all the one thing I have realized above all else is that my life has changed and will never be the same. Because that is true for day to day activities it is certainly true for the holidays. It is not a time to pretend that the holidays will be as they were or attempt to duplicate them in that way. It just won’t work. So it is time to begin new traditions. I know we will have to take baby steps with this and we intend to. I have made it a point to communicate with my family as to what my thoughts are and how they feel about them. Some of the suggestions I had they liked and some not some much. The same with their suggestions. It is important to keep the lines of communication open because as we approach this challenging time I want to be sure we are all on the same page.

Researching grief this time of year here are a few suggestions that resonated with me:

  • Change the location of where you usually spend the holidays. This year our family is all going to New York City. Some of us will gather for Thanksgiving dinner others will meet up during the weekend.
  • Create new traditions. Around the Thanksgiving table in addition to sharing what we are grateful for we are all going to share a favorite memory of Thanksgivings past.
  • Include a favorite dish of your loved one in the holiday meal.
  • If there are special items from your loved one that you have been waiting to disperse this could be a good time to do that.
  • Shelters welcome clothes especially winter clothing this time of year. If you are ready may be a good time to start clearing out the closets.
  • Make a donation to a favorite charity in your loved one’s name.
  • Splurge on a gift for you. Remember that self care is so important as you are going through the grieving process and being kind to yourself with nurturing acts should be a top priority.
  • For Christmas we have had a few ideas. A candle lighting ceremony where each family member stands in a circle with a candle. When the first candle is lit the flame is passed to the next candle. The last person lights the candle in the center which represents my husband and their dad.  I also thought it might be fun to pull names and give the person’s name you pulled a gift from dad. Thinking what he might do as he could be quite the gift giver with his last minute shopping!

The most important thing to note here is that you who are grieving should go through the holidays your way. If cards, cooking, decorating,  and even gift giving is too much for you give yourself a break. As soon as you feel yourself doing something because you feel you “have to” or you will feel “guilty” if you don’t hit the pause button. This is a time for you to totally respect your desires and if the people around you don’t understand, than it may be time to use Rhett Butler’s famous line at the end of the movie Gone With Wind. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Join me on The Night Shift as we discuss this topic, get our gratitude attitude on and launch the holidays from a positive perspective. Tuesday, 11/22 7:00 PM Eastern.

Join Us in the Facebook Chat https://www.facebook.com/groups/183716975330317/

Visit my website for some great holiday gift ideas www.susandintino.com

Riptide Music Festival

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#talk4media, #w4cyradio & #pipemanradio will be here and so should you. The biggest alternative & classic music festival in South Florida on the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale and the only place to be on 12/3 & 12/4. Get your tickets now before it’s sold out! We even have a couple tickets left to giveaway. Who’s interested?

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