Posts Tagged ‘anger’

How to Have a Great President Debate: The Do’s, Do Not’s, and Never’s

Both presidential candidates are facing one of the greatest and most challenging debates in this nation’s history. With the current state of the economy and the passion for or against the current president, each has their work cut out for them. Knowing what to say and how to say it is important. Knowing what to avoid saying can be equally as important. Given the opportunity, here are my recommendations for both gentlemen:

1. Before beginning, leave your ego outside. There is no room for insecurities and ego in a debate. It interferes with clear thinking and concerns itself with image and personal desires.

2. Clearly identify each issue and a precise course of action. Be detailed in offering solutions. Explain the reason for the path you have chosen, citing statistics and facts if necessary.

3. Examine all possible solutions and options, taking into consideration the possible unforeseen obstacles and challenges that may occur. Always have a plan “B”.

4. Attack the issues, not the individual. It is easy to confuse the two. Keep them separate and apart. Attacking your opponent is a sign of weakness, fear, and insecurity.

5. Listen carefully and objectively to the other party, responding accurately to what they said as opposed to what you think you heard them say. Leave your own agenda and personal feelings for them out of the equation.

6. It’s ok to show emotion. It makes you human and relatable. It’s not appropriate to be emotional. That is viewed as weak and out of control.

7. Be authentic and transparent. Do not hide who you are, your weaknesses and faults, and mistakes made. People respect honesty.

8. Be strong, firm, and confident. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And say it without being mean.

9. Deal with facts only. Avoid making unsubstantiated comments. Have documented proof readily available.
Here is my list of the top Do’s, Do Not’s, and Never’s:

Do: remain calm, be brief and specific, and remain open-minded.

Do Not: embarrass, humiliate, insult, yell at or judge the other party.

Never Ever: assume, exaggerate, lie, distort facts, character assassinate, or blame. These behaviors are all rooted in fear and reveal one’s insecurities.

While these tips can help ensure a respectful and productive presidential debate this fall, they can be applied to everyday disputes that arise between any individuals. Try them. They work.

Share your comments and suggestions.
Janet Pfeiffer, The Secret Side of Anger

Healing Anger With Humor

Humor can be a valuable tool for dispersing and healing anger. In part, it diffuses the tension that builds when one is upset or frustrated. Muscles tense, blood pressure rises, and other physiological changes occur within the human body. With the rise of stress hormones comes the increased risk of heart disease and other cardio-vascular issues. Humor boosts the immune system, triggers the release of endorphines (a powerful and natural feel-good chemical), improves the function of the blood vessels and blood flow, and creates an overall sense of well-being.

While humor occurs naturally in some of us, for others it is not readily found. And yet, according to my guest, Allen Klein, there are ways people can incorporate humor into their daily lives. In his workshops, Allen teaches his students to use exaggeration as a method to reduce anger; “Imagine the worst that could happen,” he asks. “And if that occurred, then what? And what would come next? And next?” With each response, the scenario becomes more and more absurd. Looking back at the original source of upset and where it has ultimately led, the subject can better see the ludicrousness in it.

Allen also recommends using props. He carries rubber clown noses with him and when necessary, passes them around to lighten up a situation. When couples argue, he recommends each partner putting on a clown nose. It’s hard to be angry and fight when both parties look ridiculous.

Use signs, funny quips, and posters as a source of daily reminders to laugh. And use funny photos of loved ones to remind you of a joyous time. Fond memories will reignite those emotions.

And above all, look for opportunities to laugh – they’re all around you in everyday life situations. Allen recommended the following acronym:

L: Let go. Forgive the past and all those involved. Let go of shame, bitterness, fear or whatever else is holding you back.
A: Attitude: develop one of optimism and gratitude. Be grateful.
U: You are the only one who can do this. It’s up to U.
G: Go do it. Ideas don’t change the world. Actions do.
H: Humor is all around us. Seek it out. If you can’t find it, make some of your own.

Remember, you have a choice: you can be angry or laugh. Look for every excuse to laugh. You’ll feel better and those around you will as well.

Visit Allen Klein at or email him at

Kids and Anger

All kids get angry. It is a normal, useful, and healthy emotion. The problem with anger occurs when they don’t know how to express it appropriately or turn it inward. It is vitally important to help our children learn how to process, verbalize, and ultimately heal their anger.

According to my guest, John Eric Jacobsen who created the Kids In Trance Program, all emotions are what he calls “action signals” – they warn us that something is wrong and needs our attention. Once we receive the warning, we do not need to hold on to the emotion. We are free to release it and focus our energy towards finding a solution to the issue. When anger is channeled properly, it can be a beneficial force which brings about positive change. Too many of our young people today use anger in a very destructive manner, causing pain and suffering to others and ultimately to themselves.

John teaches children how to meditate or go into a trance. It is a state of deep relaxation easily accessible to them and a natural part of their daily routine. Have you ever noticed when children are watching TV how mesmerized they are by what is on the screen? They appear to be hypnotized by the visual and audio stimuli and they actually are. This is the precise moment when they are most receptive to positive suggestions, what John refers to as “auto suggestions”. Whenever you notice your child is deeply relaxed, verbally express a positive reinforcement to them. “You have less and less anger in you.” Keep it simple and positive. In that way, you are conditioning your child to behave in a more appropriate manner. A relaxed body and mind doesn’t get upset. Changes must be made on an internal level in order to change outward behavior.

John also spoke briefly about self-esteem and its role in anger. There are six characteristics of low self-esteem in our children:
• anger and rage issues
• smoking and substance abuse
• vulnerability to peer pressure
• eating disorders
• strained or hostile relationships
• generally unhappy

In order to better help your child with their issues of anger and rage, begin with addressing how they feel about themselves. Teach them to express their feelings in an appropriate manner. Give them skills to find solutions to whatever is troubling them. Teach them relaxation techniques. And above all, be a good role model of healthy anger.

For more information, contact John Eric Jacobsen @ 856-988-7266 or visit
Order your copy of The Secret Side of Anger by Janet Pfeiffer @