Posts Tagged ‘anger’

How To Keep Your Cool When Nothing Is Going Right

We all have those days, weeks or even months were everything seems to be working against us. At times, it feels as though we must have a huge red bulls-eye painted on our head or a sign pinned to our back saying “kick me”. Hard as we try, nothing is going right. I’ve been having one of those months.

How easily we get frustrated, upset, and angry and want to just pack it all in and quit. Recently, I thought about calling my 88 year-old mom to ask if I could come home and be a little kid again. (She’s say “yes” if I asked.) But we can’t go back in time (and really, who’d want to?) so if would serve us well if we learned how to deal with those “kick me” days.

1. Whatever situation you’re in, remind yourself that “this too shall pass.” All events are transitory and will eventually give way to a new set of circumstances (although there is no guarantee they will be better).
2. Put everything into perspective. Most of what we get angry about it insignificant in the whole scheme of things. See the bigger picture.
3. Remember to breathe. Simple, but a deep breath really does help keep us calm.
4. Sip water. Staying hydrated also helps us to stay cool.
5. Only deal with the issue at hand. Do not concern yourself with other matters until they arrive. This can easily overwhelm you and create added stress.
6. Talk yourself calm. Self-talk – your internal voice – is the most powerful voice in your world. Keep it positive repeating calming statements such as “I am fine. This is not a big deal. I can figure it out.”
7. Use humor – it diffuses the situation and lightens the load. Years down the road, you’ll probably laugh about it anyway so why not do it now?
8. Create a plan of action: what can you do to make the situation better? Do it now.
9. If the situation will not change, decide how you will handle yourself within the context of the event and how you will allow it to effect you now and in the future.
10. Remind yourself that your issues are your issues. It is never permissible to take out your anger and frustration on another. Always treat others with kindness, dignity and respect.

Be pleased with who you are and become in the face of adversity.
Let it go. Put it to rest. Be grateful it is behind you. Then vow to use the same techniques the next time. (Oh, and there will be a next time, you can count on it!) Peace.
Listen to Anger 9-1-1 live, Wed. 11 am EST, www.Anger911.net.

THE GOOD NEWS IS….

Therapist and Positive Living Expert, Diane Lang, has given us hope! As my recent guest on Anger 9-1-1, Diane shared her knowledge and expertise on anger, stress, optimistic living, and happiness. I wholeheartedly agree with Diane when she says moods and attitudes are contagious. Spend some time with a negative or depressed person and you’ll discover how easy it is to become infected by their attitude. What began as a good day rapidly digresses into a miserable and unpleasant experience. But all is not lost! It is possible to inoculate yourself against negativity and maintain your happiness.

Diane suggests that if you want more happiness in your life, follow these few simple rules:

1. Make sure your basic needs are being met. Whether nutritionally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically, etc. take care in getting what is essential for your well-being. This includes getting at least six to seven hours of sleep per night and exercising regularly. Keep a Journal of Truth. Log your activities each day for a week. Then take a few moments to review it and check for missing needs. This will allow you to incorporate them in your daily routine.

2. Remove toxic people from your life. Surround yourself with positive, upbeat, happy people and you will find yourself absorbing their attitudes.

3. Live in the moment. Too often, we get stuck in the past: the what if’s, the I should have’s, the why’s. Learn from the past but let go of it. And don’t worry about the future. The future is filled with unknowns and we tend to project the worst which leads to anxiety and worry. Plan for tomorrow but live for today. Put everything into perspective. Only deal with what is present to you at this precise moment. That’s enough for now. Otherwise it’s easy to overwhelm yourself.

4. Express how you feel. Don’t bottle your emotions up inside of you. Learn healthy ways to share them. Then process and heal each one.

5. Laugh and smile. Never underestimate the power of humor. Not only does it make us feel better but it also keeps us physically healthier.

Optimistic people recover quicker from issues, see things in a more positive light, heal more rapidly from illnesses, have healthier relationships, experience greater success, and overall, enjoy life to a greater degree. And the good news is: you can learn to be more positive. So, here’s to your happiness!

To learn more about Diane Lang, visit her website at www.dlcounseling.com or email her at Lifeline36@aol.com.

Sometimes I Just Want to Pull My Hair Out! How to Deal With Frustration

Did you know frustration is all rooted in the need to control? We all want things to be a certain way and as long as they comply, we’re ok. We expect people to be what we think they should be (after, who knows better than I how others should behave?). When they conform to our dictates, we get along just fine. However, when unexpected challenges arise (my camera batteries went dead just as my son hit a fly ball to center field; my husband didn’t plan a romantic evening for our anniversary), we become agitated and frustrated. “I knew it!” we scream. “Stuff like this always happens to me!” Feelings of victimization and powerless consume us and we fight to regain control. However, control is an illusion. We can only influence the outcome of any given situation; we can inspire the changes we would like to see in others but cannot force anyone to comply. Each individual has free will and will ultimately make their own decisions.
When we try to coerce things to kowtow to our orders, we set ourselves up for frustration. People do not have an obligation to fulfill my desires. Things don’t always have to go my way. We learn nothing when life is easy. It is only in disappointment, challenge and change that we grow.
Here are a few tips to reducing frustration in your life:
1. Put everything into perspective. How important is this issue really? Will you even remember it in 10 years?
2. Is what you are seeking fair and reasonable with this individual, at this time, under these conditions, in my time frame? If no, make some adjustments that are more realistic.
3. If the situation or person will not change, (it is what it is), can you accept and be ok with your current circumstances? Being “ok with” does not mean being “happy about”. It simply means you have put the issue to rest and are no longer troubled by it.
Remember: acceptance of that which we cannot change is the key to inner peace.
Let go. Allow things to unfold naturally. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole. It takes far too much effort and will never work.