Posts Tagged ‘healing’

EMOTIONAL /SPIRITUAL RECOVERY FROM TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Life can change in a heartbeat. A few weeks ago, a family was stopped at a red light and rear-ended by a drunk driver. Their 10-year old son, Matthew, suffered a severe head trauma and is in a medically induced coma. The prognosis is not good and the family struggles to make sense of what was an act of sheer reckless endangerment. While hopefully many of us will never experience a trauma of this magnitude, we will all face some type of serious emotionally shock that we need to deal with. In some instances, the ordeal can be so severe as to dramatically alter who we are and the course of our lives. One’s life becomes unrecognizable in an instant. Even in those circumstances when we are given time to prepare for the inevitable, such as the death of a loved one suffering with Alzheimer’s or MS, the loss can be significant. In any event, one experiences a wide range of emotions that need to be addressed and healed in order that the individual can minimize any long term damage.

Trauma is defined by the American Psychological Association as the emotional response to an extremely negative event. It can manifest physically as well as emotionally. It is absolutely vital that one acknowledges their feelings rather than deny them. Every feeling has purpose and value and denial of such in no way dissipates them. They reside within causing unimaginable issues on multiple levels until identified and treated, much like termites on wood.

All emotions are the direct result of our thought process. What I think, my internal voice – the words I say to myself – dictates how I feel. Therefore, I choose my feelings. In any given moment, I can change how I feel by changing what I’m thinking. What makes trauma so challenging from our day-to-day emotional state of mind is that we continually replay the powerful event in our minds giving it energy to grow larger and more powerful. An understandable obsession that continually reinforces the horrific event we just experienced keeps it alive in our minds long after it has ceased. There are also neurological changes that occur in the brain after trauma as well.*

Common Emotional Reactions and Spiritual Solutions

Shock occurs when an event is so sudden or unexpected that we experience an extreme state of disbelief. Oftentimes, our belief system has conditioned us that such a terrifying act could not possibly happen to us. We believe we are immune to such a severe type of crisis. Initially, the shock can be so acute as to cause one to shut down emotionally, experiencing a sense of numbness and stoicism.
Slow, deliberate deep breathing enables oxygen to travel to the brain providing much needed nutrients that maintain mental clarity and stimulate our logical thought process. Realizing that no one is immune to tragedy and that God continually provides every resource needed to navigate this dark path gives us hope and strength to continue. That same faith in our loving Father reminds us that on the other side of tragedy is triumph as God heals our pain and restores inner peace and even joy.

Confusion: lacking clarity and direction. When one’s brain succumbs to emotional overload, it can be difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions.
Enlisting the aid of others willing to share their knowledge about what transpired can help you better understand what occurred. Expressing your hopes about what you want to do next and your longer term goals gives others the opportunity to guide you in the right direction and offer valuable resources to assist you. Breaking things down into smaller segments helps make the process more manageable and alleviates anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Denial: one’s unwillingness or inability to accept the reality of what transpired. Extreme disbelief deceives us into believing that there was a horrible mistake or that this is simply a bad dream from which we will awake. Fueled by fear, it keeps us trapped in an alternative reality.
Both logic and faith are the team mates that will help to bring us to victory over the inevitable. With the assistance of facts and the input of those we trust, we can face the truth about said event.”The truth shall set you free” is more than a catchy cliché. It is a powerful belief that reminds us that only when we deal with reality are we really able to take back our lives and move forward. Remember that God has already prepared us to face every challenge that enters our life and with each one our lives are enriched.

Sadness results when life does not cooperate with our plans. We experience disappointment and a sense of loss. One’s marriage was supposed to last forever yet somehow ended in divorce; homelessness is for those in underprivileged neighborhoods, not for the college educated. Sadness is a powerful emotion that robs us of the joy and motivation necessary to fully embrace life.
Prayer, our conversation with God, is a great tool to remove sadness and restore joy. Reminding ourselves of all that God continually blesses us with each day, what still remains in our lives to be grateful for, is the perfect antidote to sadness. One cannot be sad and grateful simultaneously.

Anger is derived from feelings of helplessness or powerlessness and is an outward expression of intense vulnerability and weakness. Extreme anger leads to rage. One experiences anger when their expectations are not forthcoming.
Everything external is beyond my control. I have no authority over anything outside of myself and my thought process. Realizing that life is not intended to conform to my demands and by putting my faith in the One who created and loves me beyond measure, I can relax and allow life to unfold organically. I understand that whatever enters my life has a higher purpose and is meant for my spiritual evolution. I can refocus my energies on how I allow my new circumstances to affect me, strengthen me ,and enrich my life.

Regret: one feels remorseful over what they failed to do or what was done improperly. An intense desire to relive the situation so that one can craft a more desirable outcome is not uncommon.
Recognizing that every experience, good, bad or indifferent, is a necessary part of one’s emotional and spiritual journey brings great comfort. Additionally, choosing to learn from the experience and share that knowledge with others so they may learn as well, adds immense value to a tragedy. Vowing to refrain from repeating the same unfortunate choices builds confidence that future traumas can be averted.

Fear is the antithesis of faith. We worry that the event will reoccur or that we may not survive what we just witnessed. Anxiety also arises from our concerns that we and/or others may not be fine with their new circumstances. Extreme fear can result in panic attacks, creating an immobility that prevents the individual from moving beyond the incident.
On a practical level, one can rely on their inner strength and attitude to overcome fear. Building on prior experiences of overcoming hardships helps to strengthen one’s self-confidence. However, faith in God, trusting in the promises of the Lord, is the true path to overcoming fear. When one truly knows that God would never allow anything to enter our lives that we were ill-prepared to handle, and handle well. His perfect love for us would shield us from that experience if necessary. Therefore, I need not fear the here-and-now nor the future for the same loving God is ever present.

Blame is a self-defeating behavior directed at the one we believe to be rightfully responsible or it can be wrongfully aimed on the self. People may hold themselves accountable for something they had no control over. For example: a parent whose child is diagnosed with a severe disease may feel as though there was something defective within them that they inadvertently passed along to their child, causing their child to become ill. Some blame God. However, our loving Father cannot cause bad things to happen as this violates His very nature. He gave us free will, intellect and choice. Events of the human genre are caused by man’s own actions.
Blame involves judgment which is a defeating action as it devalues the individual. Taking ownership for one’s mistakes while being compassionate of mankind’s imperfections removes shame, self-loathing, and misdirected anger. Forgiveness for their misguided actions and for their weaknesses allows us to move beyond anger and blame and restore the peace God intended for us.

Revenge often follows blame (of others). There is a natural human need to seek justice on those who perpetrated the offense against us. However, vengeance never produces justice as it cannot right a wrong or undo what has happened. One is still left with the residual effects of the event and a healing must still occur. Revenge is often thought of as a learning tool for the offending party as well as a deterrent from committing the atrocity again. However, neither has ever proven effective and only perpetuates suffering onto another.
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. This in no way implies that God will punish those who committed the offense. On the contrary: Divine Love seeks to teach and heal and that is what God seeks for all His misguided children. Prayer is a powerful deterrent to revenge. Pleading for mercy for the offender heals the one making the request.

Guilt is not an uncommon reaction to a traumatic event particularly when others have suffered more than you, been severely injured or lost their lives. Survivors guilt is a common occurrence when others have passed away.
Understanding that you were in no way responsible for the event occurring, nor could you have prevented it is a good beginning. Many survivors find great comfort in realizing that God has a special plan for them. Realizing this and fulfilling His Will can be very comforting and alleviate residual guilt. It is also important to remember that even for those who have been injured, their experience is just as much a necessary part of their life’s journey as your suffering is for you. This in no way minimizes it but simply helps one to find some sense of peace, though rarely in its entirety. As for death, many view it as an end or a punishment. It is neither. Death is a transition from the temporal physical world back to the existence of eternal spirit which is our ultimate goal. One can find great comfort in knowing the other party has achieved a state of permanent salvation.

Never allow your life or who you become to be defined by your trauma. You are not your ordeal. It was a life experience that has a higher purpose. Your knowledge of and reliance on God will enable you to better navigate your way through a devastating event to a more empowered and meaningful life.

Acceptance of what is or what must be for our higher spiritual awareness allows us to find peace in our new circumstance.

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*https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/09/16/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain/

LAUGH AWAY ANGER

People take life far too seriously. There are important issues in our world such as child abuse, war, poverty, starvation, disease, etc. These are all matters critical for the well-being of humanity. Each one needs to be addressed and resolved quickly in order to protect mankind and eliminate unnecessary suffering. But we give too much credence to incidences of little value and in turn cause ourselves grief and heartache. Add to that the unnecessary anger we experience and it’s no wonder we’re all so miserable.

Elbert Hubbard: “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.”

Laughter is a powerful tool that possesses many valuable qualities and serves multiple purposes. On a physical level, it strengthens the body’s natural immune system, reduces stress hormones, improves cardiovascular health, reduces pain, relaxes muscles, and much more. On a personal level, it brings people together, boosts moral, alleviates depression and stress, minimizes negative conflict, puts people at ease by reducing tension between them or in a particular situation, and increases our overall enjoyment of life. It also alleviates fear and anxiety, energizes us and makes us feel more alive; it puts us in a more positive optimistic mood, encourages resiliency, and intercepts, minimizes, and even heals anger. On every level, it’s an attribute worth utilizing in all aspects of our lives.

Dr. Bernie Siegel: “The simple truth is that happy people generally don’t get sick.”

But how do you use laughter to thwart anger? First and foremost, it’s critical to train ourselves to not take things so seriously. If someone comments that your homemade cupcakes are dry, rather than take personal offense, which leads to hurt feelings and anger, one can choose to respond with humor. “It’s my secret ingredient – sand.” Everyone can have a good laugh rather than becoming angry, putting people on the defensive, or escalating a simple comment into an argument.
Taking the proper steps necessary to be physically healthy, such as exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep, etc. is critical to warding off disease. So is developing a “laughable lifestyle” necessary to protect us against the perils of anger. Here are some suggestions.

The Laughable Lifestyle:
Look for humor in every situation. ~ Associate with funny, playful people including children.
Watch funny videos, TV shows, movies. ~ Go to a comedy club.
Read the comics in the newspaper. ~ Learn some good jokes and tell them to your family, friends, and coworkers.
Share a funny story with others. ~ Read funny greeting cards in your local Hallmark store.
Attend a laughter yoga class. ~ Be silly with your kids/grandchildren.
Do anything and everything silly: wear a funny hat when you go out to dinner; sing and/or dance while food shopping; skip instead of walk.
Engage in fun activities (bowling, miniature golf, etc) and make them funny.
Make some silly memories now! Those inane moments are the treasures that bring us joy as we age. They become some of our fondest memories and will naturally stir up laughter when recalled.

Look at the Lighter Side:

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Too often, we beat ourselves up for making poor decisions or not being good enough. We are hyper-critical of ourselves whereas we might be more understanding and compassionate towards others. Whenever we create a blunder, unless it causes serious duress to another, make light of it. Laugh at yourself!
When I moved into my current house, I chose an interesting color scheme for the living/dining room. My husband suggested I paint a small area first to determine if in fact I’d like it. But I was so confident that I painted both rooms in their entirety only to discover I was not happy with my color choice. Not only did I make this error once, I repainted nine times in one month before settling on a basic beige. Rather than be embarrassed or berate myself, I made sure to tell everyone my hilarious story of indecision. I embellished it each time I related it to someone new. Twenty years later, I still get teased and twenty years later we’re all still laughing about it. We’ve gotten a lot of laughter mileage out of that one incident.
Say or do things in a humorous way. Whenever possible, use exaggerated movements, funny facial expressions, a silly tone of voice. Embellishing any situation adds an new dimension of wit.*

Don’t take others seriously, either. When others make mistakes or behave in a manner unbefitting them, laugh it off.
A driver made an illegal left-hand turn at an intersection, cutting me off and nearly causing an accident. When I honked my horn to show him the “no left turn” sign, he went ballistic. Flailing his arms like someone swatting bees and ranting hysterically, I found myself amused at what a fool he was making of himself. Surprisingly , rather than become annoyed at his childish behaviors, I began laughing at his idiocy. “He can’t be serious,” I remember thinking to myself.
Be warned that you must be sensitive in this area. Never make fun of the person but instead joke about the incident if it allows for it. Be certain that you know the individual well enough to interject humor into the equation. Be very cautious when proceeding because this could backfire if you are inconsiderate of the other person’s feelings and situation. And keep in mind that sarcasm is not humor – it’s passive aggressive anger and is never appropriate to use against another human being.

Look for the humor in a dark situation. With very few exceptions, one can find humor even in the saddest, loneliest, or scariest times. A cancer patient, after losing her hair from radiation treatments, quipped that she was grateful that she didn’t have to dye her hair any longer. “It was such a pain!” she joked, “and expensive!” Unless it is a moral issue or one of life or death, most distress can be alleviated with a joke or two.
When our basement flooded years ago, my husband and I spent a total of fourteen consecutive hours siphoning up water. He moaned and complained the entire time. I got a rubber duck out of my closet, placed it in the four inches of water that covered the floor, and while I vacuumed up the water with my shop vac, I sang the rubber ducky song from Sesame Street. I took a difficult situation and brought humor into it. The task was far less aggravating for me than it was for my husband.
I recently had company for dinner. While making homemade biscuits, I forgot to add baking powder. Needless to say, they did not rise and were hard as a rock. My son-in-law commented that they looked like hockey pucks. The next day, I called him to say that I put them outside for the squirrels to eat but even they found them distasteful. They were, however, having a ball playing hockey.

Groucho Marx: “A clown is like aspirin only he works twice as fast.”
“If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.” Bill Cosby

Surround yourself with reminders to laugh. Cut out cartoon strips or funny photos and place them on your refrigerator door, your desk, the bathroom mirror, etc., anywhere that they will remind you to find humor today.
Wear a clown costume while you’re mowing the lawn; spray paint your hair two different colors before visiting your mom; put smiley face stickers all over your shirt before going to work.
The more you seek humor the more you’ll find it; the more you pursue laughter the less you’ll focus on anger.

Have a laughing buddy. Like joy, humor shared is humor multiplied. Sharing laughter with others keeps relationships healthy and uplifted. It acts as a bonding agent that brings people together (unlike anger which causes a division). Relationships become more playful, vital, and supportive. It heals resentments, disagreements, and hurts, puts things into their proper perspective, and unites people in difficult times. Like chicken pox (only in a good way) laughter is contagious and when you share a good chuckle with another person, it magnifies your own joy as well.
Laughter at funerals used to be frowned upon but when my mother-in-law recently passed away, everyone was asked to wear crazy socks and ties. We all shared funny stories about Mary that soothed the loss and brought her family together. It was definitely what she would have wanted.
One of my favorite pass times is listening to my girls giggling with their cousins. Even though they’re all in their forties, they still laugh as they did when they were single digit ages. Their laughter is infectious and soon everyone within earshot is chuckling as well.
Don’t have a laughing buddy readily available? Pull up a video on Youtube of babies laughing. I guarantee it will activate your funny bone.

A smile is the beginning of laughter. So initially, you may want to begin with being conscious of your smile. Use is often; display it every place you go; share it with everyone you encounter. Make it the most important accessory you wear each day. It’s more significant than your makeup, hair style and color or wardrobe.

We are naturally drawn to laughter. It is our birthright and makes us feel good. And since you can only experience one emotion at a time, choose humor. It will prevent anger from arising and keep you healthy and beautiful at the same time. And it’s free. Doesn’t get any better than that.

Q** Will Rogers: “When I die I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, Ok. You’re ugly too.”
A.A. Milne “People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing every day.”
Walter Matthau: “My doctor gave me 6 months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me 6 months more.”
Rita Rudner: “I love being married. It’s great to find that one special person you can annoy for the rest of your life.”
George Burns: “I’m so old that when I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.”
Charles Lamb: “I always arrive late at the office but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Mitch Hedberg: “I wish my name was Brian. This way when people misspell it and call me Brain, it’s like getting a free compliment and I don’t even have to be smart to notice it.”

*See comedian Sebastian Maniscalco: https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-mozilla-004&hsimp=yhs004&hspart=mozilla&p=sebastian+maniscalco#id=1&vid=c8c50ba0daa711f73c07e0b6571fb0d7&action=click
**www.AZQuotes.com
Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
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“GO AHEAD – GET GOOD AND ANGRY!”

It’s hard to avoid getting angry. Even those who are relatively easy going find themselves irate from time to time. At the most inopportune moments, anger can rear its ugly head and create all sorts of havoc in our lives. Consider these examples:

You’ve been under extraordinary amounts of stress lately and your daughter is late coming home from a date. As she walks in the door, you blow up at her, screaming that she’s grounded for a month.

You open your latest property tax bill only to find that there’s been a major increase. You call the town and lash out at the receptionist telling her that the government is corrupt and you’re not going to give them any more of your hard earned money.

In a discussion on social media, it becomes apparent that you, a passionate vegan, do not share the same beliefs as a “friend” who loves a good steak on the grill. You get into a heated argument resulting in you calling her a hater and killer, powerful words meant to demean and sting.

Anger is a messenger that alerts us to the fact that what is occurring is wrong, according to our beliefs and standards. Perhaps we are being treated unfairly or we perceive that someone is in danger.

Anger provides for us the opportunity to make any necessary adjustments in order to right an inequity. We can correct that which violates our principles, restore justice to a discriminatory situation, or perhaps redirect the course of an occurrence in order to prevent any harm from befalling us or others. In any event, anger like any other emotion, is not inherently bad or wrong. Every feeling has a purpose and understanding what that is, is critical to knowing how to utilize it in a positive and constructive way. Good anger is beneficial and results in positive changes for all those concerned. It finds solutions, uplifts, protects, corrects, enhances, and enriches lives. Bad anger, on the other hand, makes matters worse for the one with the ire as well as those who are subject to its effects. It can cause physical, emotional and/or psychological pain, intimidate, instill fear, damage relationships, cause the destruction of property, send people to jail, destroy lives, and even kill.

Following few simple steps can ensure that the anger you experience will always be of the good variety.
BA: Bad anger; GA: Good anger

Postpone expressing yourself until you’ve calmed down. We’ve all learned by now that when we are highly emotional we run the risk of saying something offensive or doing something foolish that will only exacerbate matters. Give yourself enough time to calm down, cool off, think about what the real issues are, and the best way to discuss them. (Refer to the SWaT Strategy in The Secret Side of Anger)

Ex: Your neighbor’s children ride their bikes on your lawn even though you’ve asked them several times not to.

BA: You are livid and want to go next door immediately and berate the parents, telling them that their kids are unruly and that if they were good parents they would teach their kids to respect other people’s property. You then want to demand that they pay for the damages done to your lawn and threaten them with a lawsuit if they don’t.

GA: However, by giving yourself time to consider the real issues here, you determine that this is not necessarily an issue of bad parenting. Your real concern is the continued financial burden and time expended correcting the ongoing damage done by the children. The real issues, then, are your time and money. Having clearly identified them, you are now able to discuss those issues only, leaving any volatile comments about your neighbor’s parenting abilities out of the discussion. In this regard, you can hopefully preserve a respectful relationship with them.

State what you’re angry about and why. We think that we have a right, and that it’s best, to verbally express our anger. Some people sincerely try to find an appropriate way of doing so. However, if you look closely, to express anger means to verbally or physically let it out; to actually be angry. Anger typically appears as yelling, cursing, criticism, sarcasm, hitting, throwing things, and/or punching. It can also take a more subtle, passive/aggressive guise such as excluding someone or giving them the silent treatment.

BA: “I can’t believe you broke my favorite lamp! My grandmother gave it to me and it’s irreplaceable. You have no respect for my personal property! I knew I couldn’t trust you! If I broke something of yours you’d be furious!”

GA: “I’m really upset that my antique lamp got broken. It was given to me by my grandmother and can never be replaced.”

In the second example, you explained your anger, you don’t express it nor attack or blame the responsible party. This thwarts the need for the other person to defend themselves against and allows the encounter to remain civil. In this regard, you open the door to finding solutions instead of arguing.

Evaluate for fairness. Ask yourself, “Am I being fair and reasonable in this situation?” Taking a moment and evaluating your circumstances prevents you from making a foolish or possibly deadly error in judgment. It also enables you to evaluate what truly matters. Is this situation really that serious? Is it worthy of your anger? Are you blowing things out of proportion?

BA: “If you don’t eat all of your peas I’m throwing away your bike!” a frustrated mother screams at her six-year old.

GA: Mom re evaluates the situation. “Tommy is a pretty good eater but he really does hate peas. I could give him string beans instead. He’ll eat those will less fuss. As long as he eats some veggies I’m happy.” Problem solved and everyone’s happy.

In taking a moment to reassess our position , we have the opportunity to better know ourselves, to analyze our priorities, to reassess our values. There may be some postures in need of minor adjustments; others that need to be discarded completely. A moment of contemplation can be very enlightening and as a result we evolve to a higher awareness of the self and life in general. On every level, this is a significant benefit.
Separate the issue from the individual, the problem from the person. How many people can consciously separate being angry about an issue rather than with the individual?

BA: “Our family reunion is today. I’ve worked for a year planning this and now it’s raining. I told you not to have it in April, the rainiest month of the year. But, no, you wouldn’t listen to me. You are so selfish and controlling! You ruined the entire day!”

GA: “I can’t believe it – it’s raining and we have sixty people coming over for our annual family reunion. I had a feeling this was going to happen. This is going to be a disaster if we don’t act quickly. We all need to make some phone calls to see if we can rent some tents or a local VFW hall.”

In this instance, even though the couple clearly had different ideas as to when to host such a large gathering, the wife fully understood that even though she disagreed with her husband’s choice of dates, she did concede to his way. Taking responsibility for her decision, anger directed at her spouse would be unjust. In this moment, she was angry over the situation – the fact that her hopes for a sunny day were dashed by precipitation. She did not blame or attack her husband; she attacked the problem not the person.

Contemplate this: the next time you get angry, take your favorite object in your house and smash in on the floor. When you have calmed down, re evaluate your actions. Feel the regret for having damaged something valuable that was not responsible for how you felt. Now, imagine taking your anger out on another and causing them harm. Like the object, they are not liable for your feelings yet they suffered the consequences of your wrath. There is no justification in your actions.

Make matters right. Put forth 100% of your efforts into making matters better. After accurately identifying the issue behind the rage, concentrating on finding a solution, on fixing what is broken or does not work, on correcting an injustice or restoring fairness to a situation. By doing so, you are creating positive change in a negative environment that will benefit all parties.

BA: For a long time, there has been one member at work who does not do their share. You continually pick up the slack for them. “Enough is enough. From now on, I’m going to do the bare minimum, just like my coworker. If they can lax then so can I.”

GA: “I need to address this issue with them and hopefully get it resolved. If that doesn’t work, I’ll bring it to the attention of my supervisor. In any event, I take pride in doing my job well and will continue to do so. However, I will no longer do theirs for them.”

In the second response, you have chosen to use your anger to try and rectify an impropriety. Regardless of the outcome, you do not allow your circumstances to cause you to lower your standards. You resolve to rise above and be pleased with who you are at all times.
No one needs to fear anger nor deny it should it arise. Anger can be beneficial if you understand why it has appeared and what you need to do with it. Keep in mind the following suggestions:

~Postpone expressing yourself until you’ve calmed down.
~State what you’re angry about and why.
~Evaluate for fairness.
~Separate the issue from the individual.
~Make matters right.

Now that you’ve done that, go ahead and get good and angry.

Q: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
― Ambrose Bierce

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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