Posts Tagged ‘healing’

A No-Win Situation: What to Do When You’re Caught in the Middle

We’ve all found ourselves in situations where we feel as though we’re caught between a rock and a hard place. Faced with making a necessary decision, our choices are less than favorable and all options have potentially serious consequences. Your best friend confides that she’s having an affair and begs you not to tell her husband. But her husband is your brother-in-law. Your two best friends have a falling out and each insists that you ally with them and break off all contact with the other. The problem is you still care about each one. Two invitations arrive in your mailbox requesting you attend major events on the same day: a wedding for your neighbor whom you’ve known for fifteen years and the christening of your niece’s baby. Not wanting to offend either or risk your relationship with them, you find yourself caught in a no-win situation where somebody is going to end up being upset with you.

Ideally, we’d like to be able to explain our quandary to each party and have the support we need to make a fair decision. We’d like to believe that each person cares enough about us to understand that our decision may not align with the one they would prefer yet they would respect our decision and that our relationship would remain intact. In some cases, we’re fortunate enough to have such loving people in our lives. Other times not so much. People may become offended or irate. In some cases, they may resort to threats, coercion, manipulation, temper tantrums or bribery in order to have us comply with their demands.

This behavior is a clear indication of their own insecurities, fears, selfishness, and personal issues. They need to control the situation and those involved (you) based on an irrational fear that if they allow others to freely make their own determination the concerned person will not be OK with those choices. Perhaps others will think poorly of them, they may have to face devastating consequences should the truth be told or they may be viewed as less important than the other party should you favor one over the other. In doing so, you run the risk of offending and possibly losing someone you care about. Yet if you do not follow your heart and do what you believe is right, then you live with shame and regret.
So, how does one handle a situation where all parties are clearly not going to be happy with the outcome? Some feel you should do what is best for you and not worry about anyone else. But you care. How can you turn that off? And do you even want to?

Here are some points to consider:
1. Take into consideration everyone’s perspective, needs, and requests. Eliminate any that are unreasonable or ask you to go against what you believe to be just.
2. Identify whose needs are greater at that point in time.
3. Encourage all parties to do what is right. (This can present a challenge since right is a subjective term.)
4. Seek a resolution that has the most benefits for the majority of people and the least amount of consequences for said parties.
5. Relinquish the need to satisfy anyone involved. While it’s important to care about each person you are not responsible for how they interpret your actions or how they feel about them.

And most importantly, the one critical consideration we must never concede to:
6. Always do what you believe is morally right. Never compromise your values for anyone. You only have to answer to yourself and to your Creator.
When you make morally right decisions, not everyone will support you but you will have a sense of inner peace knowing that you did what God expected of you. And nothing that happens after the fact matters as much.

To order a copy of “The Secret Side of Anger” or “The Great Truth” visit
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Take Care of Your Health, Stop Reacting to Stress and Live an Empowered Life with Kathy Gruver, Ph.D., LMT, NT, best-selling author & speaker

Tune into The Nancy Ferrari Show on Monday, January 20th, 9:00 am PT/12:00 pm ET as Nancy Ferrari’s featured guest is Kathy Gruver, an award-winning author and the host of the national TV show based on her first book, The Alternative Medicine Cabinet (winner Beverly Hills Book Awards). She has earned her PhD in Natural Health and has authored two books on stress:  Body/Mind Therapies for the Bodyworker and, just published, Conquer Your Stress with Mind/Body Techniques (Finalist for the USA Best Books Award). She has studied mind/body medicine at the famed Benson-Henry Institute for Mind-Body Medicine at Harvard Medical School and pursued further education at The National Institutes of Health. Gruver has been featured as an expert in numerous publications including Glamour, Prevention, Men’s Health, Huffington Post,, Ladies Home Journal, Massage and Bodyworks Magazine, and Massage Magazine. She has written dozens of health and wellness articles and contributing posts. Dr. Gruver has appeared as a guest expert on over 100 radio and TV shows including NPR, SkyNews London, CBS Radio, and Lifetime Television, and has done dozens of educational lectures around the country.

A recent winner of NAWBO’s Spirit of Entrepreneurship Awards and nominee for the Gutsy Gal Awards, Kathy maintains a massage and natural health practice in Santa Barbara, Calif., also offering phone and email health consultations. She has also produced an instructional massage DVD, Therapeutic Massage at Home; Learn to Rub People the RIGHT Way™ and is a practitioner with over 20 years of experience. Her book, The Alternative Medicine Cabinet, was selected as a winner of the Beverly Hills Book Awards 2013, finalist for the Indie Excellence Awards, and was recently turned into a national talk show. More information can be found at  and

Join us as we will talk about about how to stop reacting to stress, mind/body practices, mini-meditations, visualization for health, mindfulness in everyday life, affirmations, and how our words indicate physical issues!
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The Antidote to Anger : Best New Year’s Resolutions Ever!

At the beginning of every new year millions of adults make resolutions to improve some aspect of their life: quit smoking, lose weight, save more money, spend time with family and friends. Though well-intentioned, few actually follow through and achieve their desired degree of success. While each of these goals are beneficial in their own right, on some level they fall short of what is truly most important in life. One who is able to quit smoking, for example, yet continually fights with their spouse has not made the more important improvement.

I’ve had many clients who vow to learn to control their anger. And while their intentions hold great merit, their focus is somewhat misguided. If anger is a problem for them, then trying to control a problem is counterproductive. Would it make more sense to control cancer or actually heal from it? You see my point. If anger is creating a problem in your life, here are ten viable solutions:

1. Vow to be a kinder person. When one puts their energy into being thoughtful and polite, it serves as a natural preventative to being angry and both parties reap the benefits.

2. Be helpful. Reach out to whomever is in need. Good deeds produce feelings of joy and satisfaction.

3. See others through eyes that are non-judgmental. Recognizing that each person is fighting their own personal demons allows one to feel empathy rather than judgment.

4. Be all-embracing. Rather than exclude certain individuals from your “circle” of friends, extend your hand and include them in your life.

5. Practice being understanding. Remember that each of us has different beliefs, feelings, issues, etc. In your heart, be accepting and appreciative of those differences.

6. Choose compassion. Plato said, “Be kind for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle.” By removing expectations of who or what we think others should be, we can remain objective and sensitive to their personal struggles.

7. Remember to always be thoughtful. Putting the well-being of others ahead of our own engenders mutual respect and admiration for one another. There will be time to care for your own needs at a later date if necessary.

8. Give the gift of forgiveness to yourself and to others. Making bad decisions is a part of the human experience. Forgiveness frees us from being tied to the painful events of our past and allows for a possible reconciliation between both parties.

9. Live in peace. Most people believe that when you have your health  you  have everything.  Yet without inner peace we have nothing. Let go of the need to “have it your way”. Knowing that everything that happens is for a higher good allows us to live in peace with ourselves and others.

10. Be a healer to others, especially those who have hurt you. We have the ability to reach out and offer healing to one another. Take advantage of every opportunity. There were times when someone reached out to you. Reciprocation can go viral and heal the world.

So while the typical list of New Year’s resolutions has merit, my top ten have a great shelf life and can have a global impact and transform not only the individual but the world as well. Pick one or two. Give them a try. You’ll be amazed at how your life, and the lives of those around  you, is enriched.

Have a blessed and sacred New Year, my friend.

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger or The Great Truth visit