Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Her Way or the Highway

For more than a month I posted her picture on my social media sites. “Please open your heart and adopt ‘Odette’. She is a precious yorkie/poodle mix rescued from a puppy mill.” Her photo didn’t do her justice. She sat huddled in the back of her cage at RBARI shelter in Oakland, her tortured life reflected in her body language. I posted and reposted but to no avail. I inquire if there had been any interest in her. “No”, the shelter explained. “Dogs like her are hard to adopt out. They have been severely abused and are terrified of humans. Without the ability to assess her personality, few will to take a chance on her.”

My heart ached. I’ve adopted abused dogs and with patience and tlc they consistently make great progress and become loving members of our family. But this one was an extreme case. With four adoptees already, could I possibly handle another, and one with such severe issues?

From behind her trimmed “bangs”, I saw the extent of the fear and distrust in her large brown eyes. I renamed her Rocky and signed the adoption papers. When the assistant placed her in my arms, her body stiffened as she tried to pull away. “It’s ok, Rocky,” I said in a whisper. “You’re safe now.” But she wasn’t convinced. At home, she found safety and comfort in the company of my other dogs and I quickly learned that I could not separate her from them under any conditions. Whenever I approached her, I had to have one with me. Even so, she distanced herself as far from me as possible, shaking as I spoke.

“On her terms,” I reminded myself. “The only way she’ll trust you is if you respect where’s she’s at and relate to her in ways she’s comfortable with.” The techniques that proved successful with my other dogs failed miserably with her. She made no attempt to get to know me but I persisted. I learned the best time to approach her was when she was with one of my other dogs. By focusing on them rather than her she felt less threatened and gradually began to come near me to share in the affection I was showing them. Progress was slow.

We can all learn a valuable lesson from working with abused animals. Developing a relationship with them means putting their needs before our own, reaching out and relating in a way that is comfortable for them. This conveys the message that we are sensitive to their fears and care about their well being. Ever-so-slowly, that builds trust.

In our human encounters we often take the opposite approach, disregarding the fear and pain the individual is struggling with. “This is who I am and how I do things. Get over it!” My way or the highway doesn’t work with animals nor does it work with humans. Only when we relinquish ego (my way) and respond in spirit (God’s way) can we achieve trust and a relationship.

Our little Rocky is making progress. She follows me around the house and is relaxed when I hold her but she still has a long way to go. That’s ok. Her way is clearly working and I’ll continue to follow her lead. Now, if I could only convince her it’s more fun to pee outside…..

Read “Lessons From a Red Fur Coat” @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#red.

ANGER TURNED INWARD

(My interview with Cloe Jonpaul)
Take the Anger Turned Inward Quiz

• _ I don’t like to hurt anybody’s feelings.

• _ Other people might get mad, but I don’t.

• _ It’s hard for me to really care about myself.

• _ Sometimes I might act a little unhappy if I feel angry.

• _ I tell myself I shouldn’t get angry even if somebody else would.

• _ When I say somebody makes me sick, I mean it literally. I just can’t let go of the stress.

• _ All I really want is peace with no conflict.

• _ Even when I’m angry with someone, I feel like I should make sure they are doing okay.

• _ I get mad at myself for things I would comfort others about.

• _ Other people don’t know I wear a mask, because I am so good at it.

• _ Usually I just keep all my feelings to myself.

• _ I feel guilty when I feel angry or resentful.

• _ I am ashamed of myself when I get angry. I should be better than that.

• _ I’m too busy to take care of myself, even if I know I should.

• _ I’m always doing things wrong.

• _ I have an addictive behavior I use when I’m angry. It makes me feel better at the moment, but later I feel worse.

• _ I tend to have accidents when I get angry, like hammering my finger.

• _ Some days I get so angry that I would like to hurt myself.

• _ If I hurt myself, maybe other people won’t hurt me.

• _ It’s hard for me to care about myself.

• _ I don’t care what I do, just so long as I don’t hurt anybody else.

Put a check mark next to the statements that apply to you. Count them. If you have three or more items checked, look at how you can change to treat yourself better. If you have six or more check marks, it’s likely that you have some anger-turned-inward habits that affect your life negatively. If you have eight or more check marks, you definitely have some anger-turned-inward habits to change. Changing a few things could make you feel a lot better about your life.

http://www.newharbinger.com/Blog/tabid/36/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/239/anger-turned-inward.aspx OFF THE COUCH

15% of depressed individuals will commit suicide – the final act of desperation and an avoidable, treatable condition.

Depression limits your ability to make even simple functional decisions – like what to have for dinner. It’s no way to live.http://emptyyourcup.com/blog/stress-relief-from-depression-rage-turned-inward/

Cecil McIntosh, The EYC™ Stress Relaxation Expert with 14 years of experience helping Entrepreneurs like you, stay focused, get more done and find more time, so that you can live in the moment. He is a published author of many audio Relaxation Programs using accelerated learning approaches and a Teacher, NLP Trainer and life Coach. You can reach Cecil at cecil.mcintosh@gmail.com

Dr. Philip Gold of the American National Institute of Mental Health was able to prove that stress and depression trigger the release of emergency hormones, causing brittle bones, infections and even cancer. Brittle bones are a major cause of death among women today. In many people, these stress hormones are no longer merely triggered occasionally but they are kept at constant ‘hyper-readiness’. When they are turned on and stay on for a long time, they destroy appetite, impair the immune system, block sleep, break down bone and shut down the processes that repair cell tissue.

The latest findings in the field of Neuroscience have shown that levels of serotonin, an important neurotransmitter that is linked to the experience of pleasure, are 20-25 percent lower in patients who are at high risk of suicide. Serotonin is particularly active in a part of the brain that controls inhibition, and a lack of the neurotransmitter, or its related chemicals, lowers the amount of control a person has over his actions. This predisposes a person to act on suicidal thoughts.

Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in the United States.

Andreas Moritz IT’S TIME TO COME ALIVE

http://www.angeranddepressionhelp.com/what-is-the-relationship-between-anger-and-depression

Anger is an emotional response to a situation. Feeling angry is no more harmful than feeling happy; it takes your brain only 100 milliseconds to have an emotional reaction to something. It takes the next 500 milliseconds for the cortex of our brain to recognize that reaction [source: Johnson]. It’s how you respond to feeling angry that matters. You could express it outwardly (you tend to let your feelings out) or you could express it inwardly (you tend to bottle your feelings up).

As many as 12 percent of people with major depression end up committing suicide [source: Friedman].

Sometimes, though, the depression-anger link can seem to work the other way around. Think of the common saying regarding depression: “Depression is anger turned inward.” When you feel angry, that feeling is often derived from a sense of hurt, and an angry person may seek to pass that hurt on, or take drastic action to change the anger-inducing situation.

However, when it’s externally directed, anger doesn’t effect fundamental change in the perception of your situation. Instead, that anger may eventually be directed inward, toward a new found object of hatred: yourself. At that point, self-pity can’t be too far behind as you dwell on the inherent unfairness of life, or on the hopelessness of the situation.

www.chloejonpaul.com www.enteringtheageofelegance.com

1-888-498-4443

Pick up a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, and The Great Truth by Janet Pfeiffer at http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

“I Caused Hurricane Sandy: Facing the Fear of the Unknown”

I take full responsible for the recent “Frankenstorm” that ravaged the east coast, destroying homes and businesses, displacing millions of people, causing billions of dollars in damages, and more. I am fully aware of being careful of what you wish for and may have been irresponsible in a recent request. I’ve been under enormous pressure for more than a year and a half and desperately wanted a week off so I could clean my office, do yard work, and take care of other personal business. The Universe knows I never voluntarily take time off so I think it may have inadvertently caused the devastating hurricane that knocked out my power for eight days, allowing me plenty of time to clean out all the paperwork in my office and uncover that desk I was certain was still there. I cannot even begin to express the remorse I feel for those whose lives were disrupted by my reckless universal petition.

No matter what impending threats lurk in our future, there is a certain amount of fear and anxiety we face when confronted with the unknown. A storm of this magnitude had not occurred in more than one hundred years so there was much to be concerned about. How can one calm the inner storm that looms within?

First, understand that fear is a lack of trust – trust in the situation about to occur, trust in one’s own ability to weather the certain changes, trust in God that He will provide for us everything we need to get through.

Second, I need to prepare for what may transpire. Do I have a generator, lots of food and water, batteries and flashlights, have I secured anything outdoors that may not withstand hurricane winds, and so forth? Having a plan and taking action creates a sense of power in the situation and brings a sense of comfort and control.

Remain vigilant and address each issue as it appears. Only deal with as much as you can handle in that moment.

Reach out to others for guidance, assistance, strength, hope, etc. Utilize every resource available. Use time and resources wisely.

Remember, real power lies in our ability to choose, to make the wisest choice possible given our abilities, time, situation, etc.

Built on your past successes. We all have them. Remind yourself of how you were able to handle prior challenges.

Accept that which we have no control over. Recite the Serenity Prayer as a reminder.

Stay positive and be grateful. Any day that you can get up and do something is a good day. There are millions of people who can’t.

Have faith and trust in God. “Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiha 41:10

Don’t allow fear and anxiety to paralyze you and dominate your thinking. Life is filled with uncertainty – it arrives on our doorstep each day whether we ordered it or not. No matter how unwelcome it is, remember that nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.

Visit www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com to learn more about anger and fear. Pick up a copy of The Secret Side of Anger and my latest book, The Great Truth: Shattering Life’s Most Insidious Lies That Sabotage Your Happiness Along With the Revelation of Life’s Sole Purpose.