Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Six Surefire Ways to Offend Someone

A recent email announcement sent to my entire database promoting my latest book, The Great Truth: Shattering Life’s Most Insidious Lies That Sabotage Your Happiness Along With the Revelation of Life’s Sole Purpose, prompted two angry responses. In both cases, the recipients took offense to my alleged claim that I have somehow miraculously uncovered a mysterious truth others are not privy to. The back cover of my book jacket makes the following statements: The purpose of life is not what we have been led to believe – to be happy, successful, pursue our passion, etc. While each of these has value, they are not the reason we are here. I promise that once you understand Life’s Great Truth and the Universal Sole Purpose of Life you will possess a guaranteed map for effortless living and will see your lives transformed in ways unimaginable. Everything else will follow.

One person called me “too self-assured”, questioning how I could be so confident in knowing such a Truth. The other commenced to describe her life of extreme hardship and the injustices she had endured, comparing her tragic life to my (supposed) life fraught with nothing more than “stupid relationship issues”. She concluded her two paragraph rant with “I would love to hear how you can make me the star you appear to be because I certainly don’t have your POWER!!!!!!” Admittedly she confessed to being very cynical about “these kinds of self-help books wanting to get someone to love them!”

I know pain, insecurity, unhappiness, fear, jealousy, resentment, and bitterness when I see it. And I know enough not to take personal offense to the anger and sarcasm others spew at me. But not everyone is able to do this and some may easily be insulted by the rude and ignorant comments of others. In both cases it was crystal clear to me that each person was dealing with some serious unresolved personal issues and my claims triggered what they have not yet come to terms with. (Behavior is simply an outward expression of our internal issues.) I also understand that neither individual knows anything at all about me: they are unfamiliar with my lectures, haven’t read any of my books or articles, and do not know my life’s story which contains significant amounts of pain and suffering. To make unsubstantiated and outrageous claims against a person one is unfamiliar with is sadly a reflection of that person’s insecurities and lack of knowledge.

There are six surefire ways of offending someone and alternative ways of expressing how we feel.
1. Make unsubstantiated, absurd or inaccurate accusations and assumptions. Or – research and gather facts.
2. Call the other party insulting names. Or – treat them with dignity and respect.
3. Be judgmental, label them disparagingly. Or – give them the benefit of the doubt, be sensitive to their situation, feelings, beliefs, etc.
4. Be indifferent to their pain and suffering. Or – be sensitive and compassionate.
5. Criticize their success, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Or – appreciate and recognize their accomplishments.
6. Be sarcastic, have a bad attitude. Or – be reasonable and fair.
Life is filled with choices. Making the kind ones requires the same amount of energy but yields far better results.
Pick up a copy of The Secret Side of Anger at www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Her Way or the Highway

For more than a month I posted her picture on my social media sites. “Please open your heart and adopt ‘Odette’. She is a precious yorkie/poodle mix rescued from a puppy mill.” Her photo didn’t do her justice. She sat huddled in the back of her cage at RBARI shelter in Oakland, her tortured life reflected in her body language. I posted and reposted but to no avail. I inquire if there had been any interest in her. “No”, the shelter explained. “Dogs like her are hard to adopt out. They have been severely abused and are terrified of humans. Without the ability to assess her personality, few will to take a chance on her.”

My heart ached. I’ve adopted abused dogs and with patience and tlc they consistently make great progress and become loving members of our family. But this one was an extreme case. With four adoptees already, could I possibly handle another, and one with such severe issues?

From behind her trimmed “bangs”, I saw the extent of the fear and distrust in her large brown eyes. I renamed her Rocky and signed the adoption papers. When the assistant placed her in my arms, her body stiffened as she tried to pull away. “It’s ok, Rocky,” I said in a whisper. “You’re safe now.” But she wasn’t convinced. At home, she found safety and comfort in the company of my other dogs and I quickly learned that I could not separate her from them under any conditions. Whenever I approached her, I had to have one with me. Even so, she distanced herself as far from me as possible, shaking as I spoke.

“On her terms,” I reminded myself. “The only way she’ll trust you is if you respect where’s she’s at and relate to her in ways she’s comfortable with.” The techniques that proved successful with my other dogs failed miserably with her. She made no attempt to get to know me but I persisted. I learned the best time to approach her was when she was with one of my other dogs. By focusing on them rather than her she felt less threatened and gradually began to come near me to share in the affection I was showing them. Progress was slow.

We can all learn a valuable lesson from working with abused animals. Developing a relationship with them means putting their needs before our own, reaching out and relating in a way that is comfortable for them. This conveys the message that we are sensitive to their fears and care about their well being. Ever-so-slowly, that builds trust.

In our human encounters we often take the opposite approach, disregarding the fear and pain the individual is struggling with. “This is who I am and how I do things. Get over it!” My way or the highway doesn’t work with animals nor does it work with humans. Only when we relinquish ego (my way) and respond in spirit (God’s way) can we achieve trust and a relationship.

Our little Rocky is making progress. She follows me around the house and is relaxed when I hold her but she still has a long way to go. That’s ok. Her way is clearly working and I’ll continue to follow her lead. Now, if I could only convince her it’s more fun to pee outside…..

Read “Lessons From a Red Fur Coat” @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-newsletter.html#red.

ANGER TURNED INWARD

(My interview with Cloe Jonpaul)
Take the Anger Turned Inward Quiz

• _ I don’t like to hurt anybody’s feelings.

• _ Other people might get mad, but I don’t.

• _ It’s hard for me to really care about myself.

• _ Sometimes I might act a little unhappy if I feel angry.

• _ I tell myself I shouldn’t get angry even if somebody else would.

• _ When I say somebody makes me sick, I mean it literally. I just can’t let go of the stress.

• _ All I really want is peace with no conflict.

• _ Even when I’m angry with someone, I feel like I should make sure they are doing okay.

• _ I get mad at myself for things I would comfort others about.

• _ Other people don’t know I wear a mask, because I am so good at it.

• _ Usually I just keep all my feelings to myself.

• _ I feel guilty when I feel angry or resentful.

• _ I am ashamed of myself when I get angry. I should be better than that.

• _ I’m too busy to take care of myself, even if I know I should.

• _ I’m always doing things wrong.

• _ I have an addictive behavior I use when I’m angry. It makes me feel better at the moment, but later I feel worse.

• _ I tend to have accidents when I get angry, like hammering my finger.

• _ Some days I get so angry that I would like to hurt myself.

• _ If I hurt myself, maybe other people won’t hurt me.

• _ It’s hard for me to care about myself.

• _ I don’t care what I do, just so long as I don’t hurt anybody else.

Put a check mark next to the statements that apply to you. Count them. If you have three or more items checked, look at how you can change to treat yourself better. If you have six or more check marks, it’s likely that you have some anger-turned-inward habits that affect your life negatively. If you have eight or more check marks, you definitely have some anger-turned-inward habits to change. Changing a few things could make you feel a lot better about your life.

http://www.newharbinger.com/Blog/tabid/36/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/239/anger-turned-inward.aspx OFF THE COUCH

15% of depressed individuals will commit suicide – the final act of desperation and an avoidable, treatable condition.

Depression limits your ability to make even simple functional decisions – like what to have for dinner. It’s no way to live.http://emptyyourcup.com/blog/stress-relief-from-depression-rage-turned-inward/

Cecil McIntosh, The EYC™ Stress Relaxation Expert with 14 years of experience helping Entrepreneurs like you, stay focused, get more done and find more time, so that you can live in the moment. He is a published author of many audio Relaxation Programs using accelerated learning approaches and a Teacher, NLP Trainer and life Coach. You can reach Cecil at cecil.mcintosh@gmail.com

Dr. Philip Gold of the American National Institute of Mental Health was able to prove that stress and depression trigger the release of emergency hormones, causing brittle bones, infections and even cancer. Brittle bones are a major cause of death among women today. In many people, these stress hormones are no longer merely triggered occasionally but they are kept at constant ‘hyper-readiness’. When they are turned on and stay on for a long time, they destroy appetite, impair the immune system, block sleep, break down bone and shut down the processes that repair cell tissue.

The latest findings in the field of Neuroscience have shown that levels of serotonin, an important neurotransmitter that is linked to the experience of pleasure, are 20-25 percent lower in patients who are at high risk of suicide. Serotonin is particularly active in a part of the brain that controls inhibition, and a lack of the neurotransmitter, or its related chemicals, lowers the amount of control a person has over his actions. This predisposes a person to act on suicidal thoughts.

Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in the United States.

Andreas Moritz IT’S TIME TO COME ALIVE

http://www.angeranddepressionhelp.com/what-is-the-relationship-between-anger-and-depression

Anger is an emotional response to a situation. Feeling angry is no more harmful than feeling happy; it takes your brain only 100 milliseconds to have an emotional reaction to something. It takes the next 500 milliseconds for the cortex of our brain to recognize that reaction [source: Johnson]. It’s how you respond to feeling angry that matters. You could express it outwardly (you tend to let your feelings out) or you could express it inwardly (you tend to bottle your feelings up).

As many as 12 percent of people with major depression end up committing suicide [source: Friedman].

Sometimes, though, the depression-anger link can seem to work the other way around. Think of the common saying regarding depression: “Depression is anger turned inward.” When you feel angry, that feeling is often derived from a sense of hurt, and an angry person may seek to pass that hurt on, or take drastic action to change the anger-inducing situation.

However, when it’s externally directed, anger doesn’t effect fundamental change in the perception of your situation. Instead, that anger may eventually be directed inward, toward a new found object of hatred: yourself. At that point, self-pity can’t be too far behind as you dwell on the inherent unfairness of life, or on the hopelessness of the situation.

www.chloejonpaul.com www.enteringtheageofelegance.com

1-888-498-4443

Pick up a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, and The Great Truth by Janet Pfeiffer at http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html