Posts Tagged ‘intertainment network’

10 Tips to Diffuse a Volatile Situation

We are living in a very volatile and dangerous age. Not only have issues of domestic violence, child and animal abuse, anger in the workplace and so on been more apparent, but we are definitely witnessing a rise of violence within our communities. Gangs and individual assaults seem to be taking a back seat to protests by militant groups claiming to seek justice but who in actuality are promoting and engaging in acts of violence themselves. What could be a peaceful gathering intent on seeking a reasonable solution to a problem escalates to one of violence and often bloodshed. Angry and passionate individuals determined to right an injustice only create further mayhem by advocating and engaging in the very acts they condemn.
But is it possible for large masses of angry individuals to successfully , reasonable, and peacefully find solutions to perceived issues of extreme injustice? Yes, if both sides follow these ten recommended tips:

1. Approach other party(s) in a non hostile non aggressive way. By taking a non threatening approach the other party feels relatively confident that they are not at risk physically or otherwise and therefore the need for a defensive response is unnecessary.
2. Be open minded and fair in the way you present your grievances. Refrain from using such phrases as “you always”, “we never” “it can’t”. In each case, one assumes a scenario that is not necessarily true, appears extreme and unrealistic, and creates a mindset of preconceived defeat.
3. Be respectful in the way you speak to and treat one another. Passion need not translate into disrespectful or degrading conduct towards the disagreeing party. Always be mindful that the amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct proportion to the amount of respect you afford them. So be generous.
4. Deal with facts, not simply feelings. Too often we rant about how angry or hurt or offended we are. Dealing with facts enables us to more accurately see the true nature of the incident. Adding feelings to the dialogue lends a deeper level of understanding as to how the incident is impacting both sides.
5. Keep everything in the proper perspective. Exaggerating may add an element of drama but is only effective on stage. Deal with the serious issues and leave those of lesser importance for another time.
6. Remove any extraneous issues; stick to the original topic. When discussing a serious issue, refrain from going off on tangents. It’s easy to become distracted by related issues but only takes precious resources away from the primary one.
7. Refrain from any inflammatory or accusatory statements. Quickly diffuse any that may occur. Accusations, blame, assumptions, and exaggerations can all incite. There are those who will deliberately try to provoke the other into losing control. Be aware of the intent and nature of every comment and quickly diffuse anything that can escalate to something more serious. Don’t ever take the bait.
8. Listen objectively with the intent to understand the other person, to gain deeper insight into the nature of the conflict, and to extract any possible solutions or partial solutions offered by the other party.
9. Be willing to compromise, recognizing that each side believes their position is valid and correct.
10. Show appreciation for the time and effort the other side has put forth. A little appreciation goes a long way and can enable both sides to reach a peaceful resolution more efficiently and quickly.

With true concern for the well-being of each other and a sincere desire to resolve the issue peacefully, anyone can find a reasonable solution to any challenge by following the above Ten Tips. It can be challenging but with practice and determination and a sincere regard for justice, one can realize the path to coexisting harmoniously with others. And we certainly are all deserving of that.

Let me reiterate: “The amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct proportion to the amount of respect you afford them.” Be generous.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+

THIS HIDDEN SECRET WILL TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP

With the exception of impersonators, most people believe that they only have one voice. That voice is used to express one’s feelings and needs. It can be vocalized either loudly or softly; it’s tone can change from one of sarcasm to that of compassion; one’s voice can be used to express happiness, anger, sadness, silliness, compliments or criticisms. We have our “baby” voice, (typically reserved for newborns), our disciplinary voice (used for our children), our boisterous voice (most commonly found at ballgames, amusement parks or hurled at obnoxious drivers), and our multi-purpose whisper. Words are powerful energies that can encourage, degrade, incite fear, convey love, and so much more. What few people realize is that we have not a single voice but actually two: we have our inner voice – our thoughts – which may then be expressed verbally in our outer voice. Let’s examine the role of both and how they impact our relationships.

In Chapter 4 of my book, The Secret Side of Anger, I speak about a formula that drives the course of our life which I refer to as T~E~C~O Magic: Thoughts, Emotions, Choice, Outcome. The most powerful tool we have are our thoughts, our internal voice that speaks to us throughout the course of every day. From forming opinions about the weather, to determining what items of clothing we’ll wear, to what we think about our children, spouse, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, what we say to ourselves impacts how we feel and ultimately how we treat others in our life.

Consider this: People often believe that when they meet the right person they magically fall in love with them. In most circumstances, at some point the magic fades and they fall out of love. This is a common misconception. What actually takes place is that initially our internal voice repeatedly reminds us of the wonderful attributes the other person possesses. “She’s beautiful!” “He’s so smart!” “I love the way he’s so laid back and easy going.” Our internal voice reminds us of everything wonderful about our significant other. Thoughts, the words and opinions we form in our mind, create Emotions. All feelings are generated by our internal voice. And it’s the feelings that we eventually act out in the subsequent Choices we make – how we choose to speak to and/or treat our partner. We may share compliments or express our gratitude at having such a wonderful person to share our life with. In this case, the Outcome, or result, is a relationship that flourishes.

However, at some point our thoughts typically begin to change. The positive, loving reminders are exchanged for harsh criticism. “She’s beautiful” is replaced with “She conceited.” The quality once referred to as “smart” now is defined as “arrogant”. “Laid back and easy going” is relabeled “lazy and a wimp.” Regardless of the individual’s character or actually behaviors, it is our internal voice, how we label them, that ultimately determines how we feel about them. Feelings change over the course of any relationship not necessarily based on the changes that occur within each party but rather how each person chooses to see their partner. People will choose to see what they want to see and feel what they want to feel about one another. The truth about who that person actually is has little, if anything, to do with it.

How we feel about our partner dictates how we treat them. Those who are treated well remain in relationships and work together to foster a healthy, satisfying, lifetime partnership. Those who allow their inner voice to poison their emotions will ultimately sabotage any love and commitment the two originally shared. One can secure the well-being of their marriage, or any other significant relationship, by utilizing this one secret weapon: monitor and carefully choose your internal voice for it determines how you feel and treat your spouse and ultimately directs the course of your relationship.

Thought ~ Emotion ~ Choice ~ Outcome: TECO Magic: it really works. I should know: this is what’s kept my 20-year marriage alive and happy.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+

What To Do About Annoying People?

I’d venture to say that everyone of us has had to deal with annoying people at some point in our lives. Whether it’s a family member who is in everyone’s business, a coworker who continually needs your assistance, the know-it-alls who always have to be right or a friend who talks incessantly, short of removing them permanently from your life or blowing up at them in an attempt to make them see the truth about what they’re doing, what can be done about annoying people? The answer is twofold and may surprise you.

First: Remember that every solution begins with an examination of the self. Therefore, begin by asking yourself “What is it about me that others may find annoying?” Surprised? You weren’t expecting that I would suggest that perhaps you are the exasperating person others are complaining about.

Begin by carefully examining your attitudes and behaviors so that you may better be aware of your actions that others find offensive. It’s also imperative to understand how they impact others. Self-awareness is not always easy so you may find it useful to employ the assistance of others to help you better identify those habits. Try to see yourself through the eyes of those who interact with you.

Secondly: Seek to understand why you are the way you are and why you do what you do. Is there an underlying issue that you need to address and resolve? For example: are you insecure and need to be the center of attention in order to feel important? This realization will better enable you to heal any unresolved issues and make any necessary adjustments, without changing your intrinsic nature- it’s about modifying our behaviors, not changing who we are. Ex: I may be loud and gregarious but in a house of worship I must behave in a more subdued manner out of respect.
Thirdly: make the necessary changes and apologize to those who have put up with you thus far. Be sincere in your apology but also keep it light if the issues were relatively minor, such as always talking too much. Interjecting a little humor can be advantageous.

Upon completion of this process, you will undoubtedly notice an improvement in your relationships with others. People will enjoy your company more and both sides will benefit as the time spent together becomes easier and more balanced.

The second answer to “What to do about annoying people?” is nothing, if you are referring to someone other than yourself. You do nothing. You do not ask nor expect others to be anything other than who they are. None of us has the right to expect others to change for us. Our role in any relationship is to accept and appreciate them exactly as they are; to understand that their actions reflect where they are in their journey in this life and we may not interfere with that. Every aspect of their life is between them and God.

What you can do instead is ask yourself, ” Why do I allow their quirky behavior to bother me? What within me needs to heal so that I am more accepting of this individual as they are?”

Perhaps a simple readjustment in the way you see them will enable you to be less judgmental and more tolerant of their idiosyncrasies. If necessary, it’s perfectly acceptable to limit the amount of time you spend with them as well. Go the extra mile and support and encourage them to be the best version of themselves that they can. Show them how they can use their eccentricities to better enrich their lives as well as the lives of others.

There is always an exception to being accepting: if the other person’s behaviors are putting you or someone else at risk, you have a moral obligation to speak up and request that they stop. If they choose not to comply, you are well within your rights to impose a reasonable consequence.

Providing two diametrically opposed answers may sound like a contradiction. However let me reassure you that it is not. Both answers actually address the self – the only person we are responsible for and the only one we have the ability and right to change. It is imperative that we always monitor ourselves and our behaviors. In that way, others won’t consider us the annoying person they have to deal with.

1Corinthians: “Let all that you do be done in love.”

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+