Posts Tagged ‘interview’

Emotional Intelligence and Anger

In 1995, author, psychologist, and science journalist, Daniel Goleman, wrote a book entitled, Emotional Intelligence which made its way to The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half. It was a relatively new concept designed to assist companies in determining which characteristics defined leadership qualities in their employees. Certainly one’s level of intelligence, (IQ), was critical. Their technical skills, such as accounting and business planning, played an important role as did one’s cognitive abilities such as analytical reasoning, big picture thinking, and long term visions. But what he found regarding one’s emotional intelligence (EQ) was that it was twice as important as the others for jobs on every level.

What exactly is EQ and how does it apply to the average individual?

1. You are in tune with your emotional self. You are able to thoughtfully identify and express your feelings. Your vocabulary extends far beyond the standard angry, happy, sad, tired or I don’t know. You have a deeper understanding of specifically what you are feeling, why, and how you need to handle it.

2. You’re curious about people. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. Empathy is the ability to connect on an emotional level with what others are experiencing and can bond people together on a deeper level.

3. You welcome change. Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and adapt readily to life’s uncertainties. Fear of the unknown is a limiting factor in one’s overall enjoyment and success in life. They can embrace change because they have the confidence to handle it and the ability to make it advantageous for themselves as well as others.

4. You know your strengths and weaknesses. EI people do not feel compelled to always be strong nor are they concerned with what others think about them. They recognize their weaknesses and work at strengthening them. At the same time, they are confident enough to fully utilize their strengths to get the most out of life.

5. You’re a good judge of character. EI people feel connected to others and notice the little nuances that reveal insights into the other person’s character. They understand who they are and why they do what they do.

6. They don’t take personal offense. For the most part, they have a thick skin and aren’t easily offended by what others say or do. In this regard, they don’t get their feelings hurt as often, thereby reducing the amount of anger generated by being offended.

7. No is an important part of their vocabulary. Not only do they have the ability to set boundaries and limits regarding the demands others put on them, they can also say no to themselves. They understand what appropriate behavior is and resist the urge to allow their emotions to inappropriately be expressed, not matter how tempting. They also have the ability to delay gratification and avoid impulsive behaviors, giving themselves the much-needed time to carefully consider the best course of action.

8. You put mistakes into their proper perspective. EI people recognize that mistakes are a necessary part of the life experience. They consider the value of each attempt, learn the lessons, and put the experience behind them. They refrain from the temptation to rehash old news and prefer to move forward.

9. You give without thought of recompense. You are truly generous and altruistic, seeking to enrich the lives of others without thought of personal gain. This enables them to build strong relationships with others as they are viewed as honorable, trustworthy, and genuinely caring.

10. You don’t hold grudges. You recognize that everyone makes poor choices in life and you are willing to put past issues behind you. Holding on to prior offenses is judgmental and leads to increased levels of stress, anger, bitterness, and resentment, all of which are harmful to you. Letting go is a sign of self-love.

11. You neutralize toxic people. You can readily identify those who are toxic and choose to either remove yourself from their presence, limit the amount of interaction you have with them, and/or know how to diffuse their behaviors and protect yourself from their harmful effects. They do not have a negative impact on you or your life.

12. You are not a perfectionist. EI people seek excellence rather than the impossible state of perfection. They strive to be better or do better, knowing that trying to achieve that which is unattainable only leads to stress, low self-esteem, self-degradation, and unhappiness. They delight their accomplishments rather than failures.

13. You live in a state of gratitude. This is a daily mindset. Doing so reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. People who choose an attitude of gratitude as a lifestyle experience improved mood, energy, and physical well-being.

14. You know how to disconnect. Taking time off, creating a balance between work and play, dealing with issues and knowing when to disregard them, keeps stress levels down. Disconnecting from work, people, and technology and reconnecting with yourself, nature, hobbies, and God allows you much needed time to recharge your batteries and be more effective in all aspects of life.

15. You give your body what is healthy. This means limiting caffeine, eliminating or reducing the use of medications, getting the proper amount of sleep and exercise, and consuming nutritious foods, properly hydrating, and so forth.

16. You end negative self-talk. The most important voice is the one in your own head. Self-talk will either enrich your life or destroy it. EI people recognize the importance of positive self-talk and its impact on every aspect of our lives from one’s emotional, physical, spiritual health to our relationships, professional and personal success and more.

17. You take ownership for your own happiness and joy. You don’t’ allow others to push your buttons and make you angry, to determine how you feel about yourself, to decide how and when you will be happy. Your feelings, actions, and life are solely the result of your personal choices. You blame no one and take full ownership for your happiness or lack thereof. Self-responsibility is a key component to being emotionally intelligent.

In conclusion, the core components of one who has a high level of emotional intelligence is one who possesses common sense, takes personal responsibility, and practices self-love. By developing each of these attributes we have greater control over the quality of our lives, thereby greatly reducing the amount of anger and negativity we experience.

Special thanks to my guest Erica Peitler: Erica@ericapeitler.com 201-486-1099
Thanks to Travis Bradberry of www.wakingtimes.com for sharing his knowledge.

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Achieving Self-Compassion

At times, human beings can be incredibly compassionate towards one another. A family member going through a difficult time is encouraged to take extra care of themselves. A teen struggling with adolescent challenges is given support and encouragement. We offer our assistance to a neighbor who’s spouse is seriously ill. When others are at their worst, humanity is at its best. And yet, we are sometimes remiss in extending to ourselves the same tender care we offer to others. Is it that we feel we are not deserving of such compassion or can a little pampering be misconstrued as a sign of weakness or indulgence? Regardless, God tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” He is instructing us to extend the same mercy to ourselves that we do to others. What can we do to extend compassion and understanding to ourselves? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Be your own best friend. When asked, “Who is your best friend?” I would venture to say that people don’t respond with, “I am!” Typically, we think of our best friend as the one who is always there for us, kind and thoughtful, who accepts us as we are, and so forth. Do we posses those same qualities that could qualify us to be our own best buddy? The consideration we show to our friend – are we willing to treat ourselves in the same manner?

2. Develop beliefs that work for you. Do you have belief systems that were imposed on you by others? Do they work for you? A particular religious belief, a healthy living plan, an idea of what a successful life looks like – these are all beliefs that can cause internal unrest if they do not align with what works best for us.

3. Know your inherent worth. You are not who others say you are. You are not your mistakes, flaws, or bad choices. You are first and foremost a sacred child of God. Your value has been pre ordained by the One who created you and no one or nothing can ever diminish that.

4. Do not project your needs onto others. Expecting others to want the same things as you, to feel as you do, or act in the same manner causes unnecessary stress and frustration in life. Be free to be yourself and extend the same courteously to others. Life is much easier that way.

5. Choose happiness and peace of mind. Would you advise your best friend or child to be happy or miserable? Would you recommend that they fret over things they have no control over? Of course not. When you care about someone you encourage them to be happy and at peace with what is. Each is a choice. Love yourself enough to give yourself the gifts of happiness and inner peace.

6. Take good care of yourself. From the physical, to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual aspects it’s important to give yourself only what is absolutely in your best interest. Carefully choose your friends, foods, activities, beliefs, feelings, and intellectually stimulating material making certain that each enriches your life in some way.

7. Tune into your authentic self. In other words, know thyself. The ancient Chinese philosopher and writer, Lao Tzu, author of the Tao Te Ching, stated that “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” One must first know their authentic self before being able to provide all of their needs.

8. Eliminate negative reactions. The simplest way to avoid reacting to any situation is to train yourself to stop and assess the situation before responding. A deeper understanding of what has transpired coupled with an evaluation of what one hopes to achieve by responding, allows for a more thoughtful and positive reply, thus ensuring the situation improves rather than deteriorates.

9. Appreciate what you have. Gratitude goes a long way in bringing us joy and happiness. Those who focus on what is lacking are generally miserable and unhappy. Give yourself the best. Be grateful.

10. Enjoy the present moment. Too often, we are trapped in the painful experiences of our past, leaving us feeling helpless, remorseful, and bitter. Excessive focus on the future can lead to anxiety and worry. Regardless of where you reside, if you are doing either, you are not fully embracing the present. Let go of both. Live in the moment.

11. Pass your compassion on to others. Remember the same love we express to one is meant to be shared with all. In this way we can be an instrument of compassion and thoughtfulness to others. Good deeds have a way of paying us back tenfold.

Confucius once said, “Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” Treat yourself well. You deserve it.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
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Grief, Healing and Wholeness

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross defined the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Grief is a deeply personal process and each individual experiences it on their own terms. Some may endure all five stages, others only a portion; some progress in a seemingly reasonable period of time, for others the process is much slower. In any case, it is important to recognize that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time frame that is considered normal. It is equally important to understand that grief, like every other emotions, fluctuates. One is not condemned to a lifetime of suffering from the loss of a loved one. Likewise, the grief process does not simply apply to human loss: loss of a pet, a lifestyle, a career, a home, estrangement – each can trigger the five stages of grief. With the proper resources, support, and attitude one can embrace an emotional and spiritual healing and be restored to wholeness.

The Five Stages of Grief:
Denial: a numbing sense of disbelief, refusal to accept the facts. This defense mechanism is used to avoid feeling pain. Shock serves to protect the individual from becoming overwhelmed all at once and can last for several weeks.

Anger: As the shock dissipates, one experiences intense pain and suffering. Although unbearable, it is critical to acknowledge pain rather than try to suppress or deny it. This is a critical period when some individuals may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb their emotions. However, feelings do not heal spontaneously. They need to be identified and worked through. The root of anger is hurt, fear, and/or frustration. Any or all of these are part of the grief process. Anger towards others (“who can I hold accountable for their death?”), anger at the self for what was said or done that shouldn’t have happened (hurt) or what one failed to say/do, words left unspoken (regret/guilt). Fear (“what will happen now, how can I live without them?”); frustration (“I couldn’t save them.”) Self-pity may also surface during this stage.

Bargaining: Bargaining with God is a tool used to pull oneself out of despair. (“If you just bring my husband back I promise to go to church every Sunday!”) We seek to restore some sense of power over the situation that we feel has been taken from us.

Depression: Months after the loss it is not uncommon to experience periods of depression and deep sadness. The magnitude and finality of what has occurred sets in and some may withdrawn from family and friends. Melancholy brought on by time spent reflecting on certain aspects of your lives together can lead to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. It’s critical at this time to reach out to others for support. Isolation can lead to more serious problems.

Keep in mind, that these stages do not necessarily occur in order nor are they complete once you’ve experienced them. It is not uncommon to revisit those emotions that you thought had been put to rest.

Acceptance: In this the final stage of the grieving process one reaches a point of acceptance, a quiet recognition of reality, an objectivity that allows for a clearer view of what is still good about life. There is oftentimes a sense of emotional calmness and inner peace.

Healing And Wholeness
One need not suffer indefinitely from a significant loss. There is hope to restore wholeness and a sense of joy to your life. Here are some additional suggestions:
• Understand that death is a natural process of life. It is not an end but rather a transition from the physical (temporary) world back to pure spirit (eternal).
• Put your focus on feeling gratitude for the time you spent together.
• Honor your loved one’s life by doing something in memory of them.
• Seek the lessons in the loss: to love more freely, to appreciate those while they are present and let them know; to forgive more readily, and so on.
• Replace the pain of your loss with the warmth of fond memories.
• Allow God to heal your heart and mind from your loss.
• Use this experience to bring you into a deeper understanding of our loving Father. All healing comes from the Divine. He will provide all of your needs so rest peacefully in His loving care.

Psalms 39: 7 “And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.”

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
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