Posts Tagged ‘Live Radio Broadcast’

I DARE YOU TO ASK THIS

Relationships are critically important in our lives. On a professional level, being a good team player and getting along well with others enables us to maintain our jobs and receive such perks as bonuses or promotions. Also, connecting with the right people can advance our careers providing we have good interpersonal skills. How people feel about us on the job plays an important role in how successful we are professionally speaking.
In our social lives, relationships take on another vital role. Being able to form and sustain healthy bonds with others impacts the number and nature of our friendships, provides opportunities in social settings, allows for ease of living in our neighborhoods, improves our health, and contributes to our overall enjoyment of life.

On a personal level, strong intimate connections bond people together in marriage and secure the future of the human population. Intimacy of an emotional nature holds families together during life’s most challenging times. It also multiplies our happiness and sustains us through our darkest moments. It allows for a deeper understanding of all parties which foster personal awareness, compassion, and growth. We are challenged to become better people as a result of knowing others intimately.

Humans are social creatures by nature and therefore need a strong skill set in order to develop and maintain mutually satisfying and healthy, balanced, long term partnerships. Getting along well with others lessens the chance of damaging conflict from erupting, eases tensions between both parties, enables the individual to forgive the indiscretions of the other, extends support and compassion to each other, and genuinely enjoys the company of one another. Learning to work or cohabitate in close proximity with others is not an easy task but certainly one that is attainable and definitely rewarding.

In recent studies it has been shown that those in healthy relationships are not only the happiest but the healthiest as well. They also have a longer projected life expectancy than those who are loners or who have difficulty interacting successfully with others.

For the most part people put forth a sincere effort in trying to get along with others. After all, it’s just common sense that the more gratifying our interactions are with others the less stress between us. Healthy friendships are easier on every level and people seek to avoid drama as much as possible. When we truly care about others and the nature of our interactions with them, we treat them in a manner that benefits all parties. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This philosophy has served mankind well for centuries.

Yet even with our best efforts we still find ourselves arguing, fighting, hurting one another, and becoming frustrated, disappointed, and disillusioned to the point where relationships suffer or fail. Many people are clueless as to what went wrong. Instead, of taking ownership for their role, they find fault with the other person: “You’re never satisfied with anything I do for you! I was a good husband/wife – there was no reason to leave me.” “I put my heart and soul into my job. How could they possibly fire me? This is so wrong!”

It’s difficult for individuals to fully comprehend their role in why a relationships didn’t work. We praise ourselves for everything we do right, for all of the effort we put forth, and for everything we overlooked in the other person. We’re also quick to criticize the other person for their imperfections and the mistakes they made. And in doing so, we remain oblivious.

Relationships are like mirrors: they reflect back to us aspects of who we are that we may not be aware of. If I want to look my best, I cannot see precisely what I look like without the assistance of a full length mirror to reflect back to me my own image. If I want to be the absolute best person I can be, I need others to point out to me what they see that I may be blind to. Yet when others comment on what they view as an imperfection, we fail to listen objectively to their comments. I do not deny the physical image the mirror reflects back to me. On the contrary: I am grateful that if I see something I do not like, I have the opportunity to correct it. Yet if someone points out a perceived flaw or defect, rather than appreciate their input, I become defensive and lash out at them. In essence, I deny myself the opportunity to learn something that may enable me to become a better person.

If you want to have strong, healthy, loving, joyful, respectful relationships you must be courageous enough to ask the following question. (And no, it’s not “What don’t you like about me?”) The question is: “Tell me what it’s like being with me?” This question is not for the faint-of-heart and if you are not fully prepared to consider the response, do not venture down this road.

The difference between the two questions I posed is that question number (“What don’t you like about me?”) opens one up to criticism, a perceived attack from the commentator on what they believe to be the shortcomings and liabilities of the listener. Few people are willing to hear such comments and may respond by attacking the integrity of the other party stating that they should be looking at their own faults rather than commenting on someone else’s. The second question, (“Tell me what it’s like being with me?” ), focuses on the individual’s personal experience of being in your presence.
Think of it from this perspective: imagine they are relaying their experience of being in the rain. They are not criticizing the precipitation itself but instead are speaking objectively about their first hand encounter of getting wet. Likewise with communicating their feelings about being with you, the inquiring party: since the focus is not on you, there is no need to become defensive and retaliate. You can simply listen to a recount of that person’s feelings about their encounter with you. Though not necessarily easy to listen to, it can be one of the most insightful opportunities of your life. “When we’re together, I feel uncomfortable, as though I need to monitor everything I say.” Or it can be positive: “When I’m with you, it’s like being with an old friend – very easy.”

Keep in mind: this is not a question for the fearful or insecure. One must be willing to listen quietly, open-mindedly, and without interruption to a complete recount of what the other person encounters when in your company. In doing so, you are able to see yourself through their eyes and gain some deep personal insights into the manner in which you portray yourself. The way we perceive ourselves is rarely the same as others do. Most of us live in denial about the way we behave or are eager to make lame excuses for our actions that we would not afford others.
This exercise is critical in determining whether or not we fully know ourselves and are portraying ourselves accurately (i.e. we are living authentically, do our actions perfectly reflect our intrinsic nature?). Additionally, we will discover what works well and what doesn’t with the other person. I may have a very strong energy that for the majority of people does not present a problem. But for my best friend I may project myself as aggressive or angry. Knowing this allows me to adjust the way I interact with her in a way that she can better relate to and feels more comfortable with. Doing so naturally improves the quality of the relationship.

If I want to look my best then I need a full length mirror to reflect back to me what I cannot see on my own. If I want to be my best, then I need the assistance of others who also mirror back to me what they see that is troublesome so that I may remove it from my persona or improve upon it. Only in doing so can I become the best version of myself possible. I owe that to myself, to others, and to the One who created me. So take the plunge: inquire of others “Tell me what it’s like being with me?” Then sit back, close your mouth, open your ears, and listen with the intend to understand and evolve. What others think of you really does matter.

In each of our relationships, let the well-being of the other person be our primary concern. Always be certain that their lives have been enriched for having spent time in our presence.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
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EMOTIONAL /SPIRITUAL RECOVERY FROM TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Life can change in a heartbeat. A few weeks ago, a family was stopped at a red light and rear-ended by a drunk driver. Their 10-year old son, Matthew, suffered a severe head trauma and is in a medically induced coma. The prognosis is not good and the family struggles to make sense of what was an act of sheer reckless endangerment. While hopefully many of us will never experience a trauma of this magnitude, we will all face some type of serious emotionally shock that we need to deal with. In some instances, the ordeal can be so severe as to dramatically alter who we are and the course of our lives. One’s life becomes unrecognizable in an instant. Even in those circumstances when we are given time to prepare for the inevitable, such as the death of a loved one suffering with Alzheimer’s or MS, the loss can be significant. In any event, one experiences a wide range of emotions that need to be addressed and healed in order that the individual can minimize any long term damage.

Trauma is defined by the American Psychological Association as the emotional response to an extremely negative event. It can manifest physically as well as emotionally. It is absolutely vital that one acknowledges their feelings rather than deny them. Every feeling has purpose and value and denial of such in no way dissipates them. They reside within causing unimaginable issues on multiple levels until identified and treated, much like termites on wood.

All emotions are the direct result of our thought process. What I think, my internal voice – the words I say to myself – dictates how I feel. Therefore, I choose my feelings. In any given moment, I can change how I feel by changing what I’m thinking. What makes trauma so challenging from our day-to-day emotional state of mind is that we continually replay the powerful event in our minds giving it energy to grow larger and more powerful. An understandable obsession that continually reinforces the horrific event we just experienced keeps it alive in our minds long after it has ceased. There are also neurological changes that occur in the brain after trauma as well.*

Common Emotional Reactions and Spiritual Solutions

Shock occurs when an event is so sudden or unexpected that we experience an extreme state of disbelief. Oftentimes, our belief system has conditioned us that such a terrifying act could not possibly happen to us. We believe we are immune to such a severe type of crisis. Initially, the shock can be so acute as to cause one to shut down emotionally, experiencing a sense of numbness and stoicism.
Slow, deliberate deep breathing enables oxygen to travel to the brain providing much needed nutrients that maintain mental clarity and stimulate our logical thought process. Realizing that no one is immune to tragedy and that God continually provides every resource needed to navigate this dark path gives us hope and strength to continue. That same faith in our loving Father reminds us that on the other side of tragedy is triumph as God heals our pain and restores inner peace and even joy.

Confusion: lacking clarity and direction. When one’s brain succumbs to emotional overload, it can be difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions.
Enlisting the aid of others willing to share their knowledge about what transpired can help you better understand what occurred. Expressing your hopes about what you want to do next and your longer term goals gives others the opportunity to guide you in the right direction and offer valuable resources to assist you. Breaking things down into smaller segments helps make the process more manageable and alleviates anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Denial: one’s unwillingness or inability to accept the reality of what transpired. Extreme disbelief deceives us into believing that there was a horrible mistake or that this is simply a bad dream from which we will awake. Fueled by fear, it keeps us trapped in an alternative reality.
Both logic and faith are the team mates that will help to bring us to victory over the inevitable. With the assistance of facts and the input of those we trust, we can face the truth about said event.”The truth shall set you free” is more than a catchy cliché. It is a powerful belief that reminds us that only when we deal with reality are we really able to take back our lives and move forward. Remember that God has already prepared us to face every challenge that enters our life and with each one our lives are enriched.

Sadness results when life does not cooperate with our plans. We experience disappointment and a sense of loss. One’s marriage was supposed to last forever yet somehow ended in divorce; homelessness is for those in underprivileged neighborhoods, not for the college educated. Sadness is a powerful emotion that robs us of the joy and motivation necessary to fully embrace life.
Prayer, our conversation with God, is a great tool to remove sadness and restore joy. Reminding ourselves of all that God continually blesses us with each day, what still remains in our lives to be grateful for, is the perfect antidote to sadness. One cannot be sad and grateful simultaneously.

Anger is derived from feelings of helplessness or powerlessness and is an outward expression of intense vulnerability and weakness. Extreme anger leads to rage. One experiences anger when their expectations are not forthcoming.
Everything external is beyond my control. I have no authority over anything outside of myself and my thought process. Realizing that life is not intended to conform to my demands and by putting my faith in the One who created and loves me beyond measure, I can relax and allow life to unfold organically. I understand that whatever enters my life has a higher purpose and is meant for my spiritual evolution. I can refocus my energies on how I allow my new circumstances to affect me, strengthen me ,and enrich my life.

Regret: one feels remorseful over what they failed to do or what was done improperly. An intense desire to relive the situation so that one can craft a more desirable outcome is not uncommon.
Recognizing that every experience, good, bad or indifferent, is a necessary part of one’s emotional and spiritual journey brings great comfort. Additionally, choosing to learn from the experience and share that knowledge with others so they may learn as well, adds immense value to a tragedy. Vowing to refrain from repeating the same unfortunate choices builds confidence that future traumas can be averted.

Fear is the antithesis of faith. We worry that the event will reoccur or that we may not survive what we just witnessed. Anxiety also arises from our concerns that we and/or others may not be fine with their new circumstances. Extreme fear can result in panic attacks, creating an immobility that prevents the individual from moving beyond the incident.
On a practical level, one can rely on their inner strength and attitude to overcome fear. Building on prior experiences of overcoming hardships helps to strengthen one’s self-confidence. However, faith in God, trusting in the promises of the Lord, is the true path to overcoming fear. When one truly knows that God would never allow anything to enter our lives that we were ill-prepared to handle, and handle well. His perfect love for us would shield us from that experience if necessary. Therefore, I need not fear the here-and-now nor the future for the same loving God is ever present.

Blame is a self-defeating behavior directed at the one we believe to be rightfully responsible or it can be wrongfully aimed on the self. People may hold themselves accountable for something they had no control over. For example: a parent whose child is diagnosed with a severe disease may feel as though there was something defective within them that they inadvertently passed along to their child, causing their child to become ill. Some blame God. However, our loving Father cannot cause bad things to happen as this violates His very nature. He gave us free will, intellect and choice. Events of the human genre are caused by man’s own actions.
Blame involves judgment which is a defeating action as it devalues the individual. Taking ownership for one’s mistakes while being compassionate of mankind’s imperfections removes shame, self-loathing, and misdirected anger. Forgiveness for their misguided actions and for their weaknesses allows us to move beyond anger and blame and restore the peace God intended for us.

Revenge often follows blame (of others). There is a natural human need to seek justice on those who perpetrated the offense against us. However, vengeance never produces justice as it cannot right a wrong or undo what has happened. One is still left with the residual effects of the event and a healing must still occur. Revenge is often thought of as a learning tool for the offending party as well as a deterrent from committing the atrocity again. However, neither has ever proven effective and only perpetuates suffering onto another.
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. This in no way implies that God will punish those who committed the offense. On the contrary: Divine Love seeks to teach and heal and that is what God seeks for all His misguided children. Prayer is a powerful deterrent to revenge. Pleading for mercy for the offender heals the one making the request.

Guilt is not an uncommon reaction to a traumatic event particularly when others have suffered more than you, been severely injured or lost their lives. Survivors guilt is a common occurrence when others have passed away.
Understanding that you were in no way responsible for the event occurring, nor could you have prevented it is a good beginning. Many survivors find great comfort in realizing that God has a special plan for them. Realizing this and fulfilling His Will can be very comforting and alleviate residual guilt. It is also important to remember that even for those who have been injured, their experience is just as much a necessary part of their life’s journey as your suffering is for you. This in no way minimizes it but simply helps one to find some sense of peace, though rarely in its entirety. As for death, many view it as an end or a punishment. It is neither. Death is a transition from the temporal physical world back to the existence of eternal spirit which is our ultimate goal. One can find great comfort in knowing the other party has achieved a state of permanent salvation.

Never allow your life or who you become to be defined by your trauma. You are not your ordeal. It was a life experience that has a higher purpose. Your knowledge of and reliance on God will enable you to better navigate your way through a devastating event to a more empowered and meaningful life.

Acceptance of what is or what must be for our higher spiritual awareness allows us to find peace in our new circumstance.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
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*https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/09/16/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain/

RIGHTEOUS ANGER

In regards to anger, I have good news and some bad news. First the good news: there is nothing wrong with being angry. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. It is even necessary for justice to preside as well as for our very survival. The bad news is that it is not ok to express it whenever and however we want. Letting it out can prove to be detrimental to our health, well-being, safety, and even our very lives. According to a study at Stanford University, explosive outbursts can lead to the formation of blood clots. And we know all-to-well that one clot to the heart or brain can be deadly. Inappropriate anger can damage relationships, reputations, get us fired from our jobs, cause destruction of property, injure others emotionally or physically, and even land us in jail. Suppressing anger has its drawbacks as well. It can manifest as all sorts of physical health issues ranging from migraines, high blood pressure, and colitis to cancer and more. Emotionally, repressed anger can result in depression, moodiness, sadness, and an overall dissatisfaction with life, just to name a few.

Even with a laundry list of potential quandaries, anger still has a vital function in our lives. Like all emotions, it is a messenger and in this regard alerts us to the fact that something is wrong; that something or someone does not meet our standards of acceptability. For example, I may become angry if I see one child being given special treatment over others. This creates an inequity that violates my moral principles, causing me to become concerned, angry or irate. This is a good thing. However, it’s only when I express or use my anger in a destructive manner does it become problematic. Ideally, I convert my anger into positive actions which will help to rectify the situation.

But how can we be certain that our anger is appropriate and righteous as opposed to corrupt or immoral? For clarity and guidance, I rely on the Word of God found in the Bible.

In Proverbs 12:16 we are told that anger and foolishness go hand-in-hand: “Fools quickly show that they are upset, but the wise ignore insults”. In addition to insults, there are a host of perceived offenses that we can choose to ignore rather than respond to. If someone tells me my children are poorly behaved, I need not retaliate with a cutting remark. I can consider the possible truth to their comments or simply let it go without taking personal offense.

God does permit His people to get upset while still remaining faithful to Him. For example, Nehemiah (5:6) got angry after learning about the wealthy Israelites’ exploitation of the poor: “Then I was very angry when I had heard these words.” He became irate at their ungodly behavior and the injustices being perpetrated against those less fortunate. God calls upon us to care for all of His children equally. In this instance, the Israelites were in violation of Divine Law.

Even Jesus expressed anger at the Pharisees who exhibited indifference. In Mark 3:1-5 “Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there… Jesus said to the man…, “Stand up in front of everyone.” Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. ” Jesus was incensed at the lack of compassion for the suffering of another human being and their unwillingness to get him the care he so rightly deserved. Anger that violates God’s Law of love and concern for another is righteous anger. To become enraged over the sinfulness of others is acceptable in God’s eyes.

As a Christian or anyone who truly believes in and loves our Lord, we are expected to react strongly to such issues as abuse, racism, abortion, pornography, infidelity, oppression, murder, poverty, greed, and war – to any activity or belief not founded in love and kindness, the very tenets of God’s Being. However, the justification of our feelings does not give us license to act out in anger or aggression. I am given authority to condemn an activity but not the individual committing it. “Judge not lest ye be judged.” Ephesians clearly dictates righteous anger in Chapter 4:26 “When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day.” There is no justification ever for responding with hostility, rudeness, or assaults of any kind.

One’s motives and intent behind the emotion and behaviors is a key to determining when anger is permissible by God: Is my intent to help or harm the other party? Do I seek to make the circumstances better for all parties or only myself or a chosen few? Am I fighting to be right or to do what is right? These are critical questions in determining when anger is acceptable and appropriate; when it is virtuous rather than sinful. In this regard, these same questions give us pause to determine if a situation is even worthy of our ire. James 1:19 reminds us: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” Applying my 10 year rule (“Will I remember this issue in 10 years and if I do, will it even matter?”) is a powerful tool to measure the worthiness of the incident. The SWaT Strategy* can easily prevent anyone’s anger from overpowering them and causing an sinful reaction.

Again, one is not expected to ignore those times when we feel angry. However, we must be certain to refrain from retaliation and respond with redemptive action instead. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Whether in our families, communities or regarding global issues, we can speak up or join organizations working on correcting life’s inequities. On a more personal level, we must always be stewards of virtue, being an extension of God’s presence and love in this world. In everything we say or do, with every individual we encounter, we must be love. After all, it is not only what is expected of us but it is who we are – it is the very essence of our nature.

Paul gives us some sound advice on the appropriate approach: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary we are instructed: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:19–21). In this way, we can stop the cycle of anger and aggression and show others the moral path to salvation.

Righteous anger aligns with what would anger God Himself – when we are confronted with sin, that which violates Divine Law. It is directed at sinful behaviors and unmistakable injustice; it does not attack or degrade those committing the offense. (Love the sinner, hate the sin.)This is a critical distinction to make that few are able to apply. Typically, we attack the egregious person and demean them rather than staying focused on their actions. A child who fights with their sibling needs to be shown the righteous path. “You are a bad child! You are horrible!” does not educate the child but rather instills shame within them. “This is your little brother. It’s very hurtful to him when you treat him unkindly and that is wrong. You are to always be kind and loving to him. Here’s how to do that.” In this way, the parent shows their child the errors of his ways and puts him on the path to being more loving. This is using anger in a positive way. If our outrage results in bringing others into a loving and restorative relationship with God and it is done so with great care and concern, it’s righteous indignation.

For anger to be righteous, it cannot arise in response to a violation of my personal preferences, that is that I have been inconvenienced or I feel that my rights and freedoms have been violated or because someone has offended me. It reacts against that which is actually sinful. Additionally, it is accompanied by Godly actions. We do not use words, tone of voice, facial expressions, or our hands to hurt the other person. We express ourselves in a respectful manner which does not involve cursing, making fun of, ignoring, yelling, intimidating, threatening, any form of physical violence. It is thoughtful of the other person’s feelings and seeks to make a positive difference. Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”

In summary:
1.Righteous anger reacts against actual sin. It is the result of an accurate perception of true evil, from sin as defined biblically, i.e., as a violation of God’s Word). Righteous anger does not result from merely being inconvenienced or from violations of personal preference or human tradition.
2.Righteous anger focuses on God and His kingdom, rights, and concerns, not on me and mine. It identifies offenses against God and His name, not me. Viewing something as offensive is not enough. It must be offensive to God.
3.Righteous anger is accompanied by other Godly qualities and expresses itself in Godly ways. It remains self-controlled, avoids cursing, screaming, raging, or flying off the handle. It is not consumed with self-pity or despair. It does not ignore people, snub them or withdraw from people. It is always respectful, thoughtful, kind, firm, and fair.

Remember, anger is an acceptable emotion if in fact it is generated from a morally offensive action and is expressed in a manner consistent with God’s Way. Righteous anger can be a powerful force for creating a society of high moral integrity and true justice for all.

Q: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” Romans 12:19–21

* The Secret Side of Anger by Janet Pfeiffer

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+