Posts Tagged ‘Live Radio Broadcast’

SPIRITUAL SOLUTIONS TO ANGER

I’ve spoken many times about the importance of all feelings, anger included. With every emotion we experience, we have the ability to learn much about ourselves. No feeling is inherently wrong. It’s how we choose to express and use them that determines their value.

In my book “The Secret Side of Anger”, I address the three root causes of anger, what they are indicative of, and how to heal each of them. Not being a proponent of controlling anger except in extreme and temporary circumstances, I have found that the best approach is to understand why a particular feeling has emerged, learn how to express it appropriately (if doing so is necessary at all), and ultimately how to heal it. Following this formula ensures that there will be no residual effects from repressed or prolonged emotions which may possibly cause additional problems in the future. I provide very pragmatic strategies in order to accomplish this effectively. However, one can also take a purely spiritual approach to healing anger as well. Let’s examine each of the root causes and the spiritual solution to each.

First Cause: Hurt – people often say or do things that hurt us. Let me rephrase that: we often allow ourselves to be hurt by the inconsiderate or rude behaviors of others. Anger, hurt, embarrassment – all feelings are a personal choice we make (albeit sometimes subconsciously) that are rooted in our thought process. Thoughts create feelings. I form a thought about what is occurring and why (the person’s motives behind their actions) and thereby choose the corresponding emotion. Believing we are being targeted or that there is something inherently wrong with us, we allow ourselves to take personal offense to what the other party is saying or doing which in turn leads to emotional distress.

Spiritual Solution: How do we prevent the actions of others from causing us pain? First, it is critical that we understand that behavior is an external expression of an internal issue. People act out what they feel. Their behavior is never about us. We must learn not to take personal offense to it but rather be an “objective observer” of what is transpiring around us. We can allow the experience to remain neutral and need not assign an emotion or value to it. (It is neither good nor bad; painful nor enjoyable.) Much like an emergency room doctor, we remain emotionally detached from their actions.

Secondly we need to remember that people are human and make mistakes; they sometimes act out inappropriately as do we. We are called upon by God to respond with understanding, to be patient and forgiving. Keep in mind, too, that what they are going through is a necessary part of their life’s journey. Do not interfere and do not judge. Be kind, set some boundaries if necessary, and forgive always.

Ephesians 4:2 “Always be humble and gentle; be patient with each other making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love.”

Second Cause: Fear, the second root cause, is based on a lack of trust. We fail to trust others, a situation we may be facing or ourselves (we doubt our abilities to handle whatever life places before us.) But most importantly, fear is a lack of trust in God. We want to have control over our lives and/or expect that life unfold according to our plans. When that is not forthcoming, we become anxious and fearful. We are concerned with how our current circumstances will impact our lives and if, in fact, we will be ok. We have no faith that God will always make certain that whatever enters our lives is ultimately for our highest good.

Spiritual Solution: From a purely spiritual perspective, learning to have faith in a loving God who always has our best interest at heart allows us to feel more at ease with our current circumstance. Conversation with God, otherwise known as prayer, alleviates anxiety and worry. So pray. Ask for guidance, strength, knowledge, wisdom, direction. God reassures us that if we ask we shall receive. Rather than pray for what we want to have happen, pray for the ability to endure it and emerge with greater awareness. Keep in mind, too, that although God hears and answers all prayers, like any loving parent sometimes what we ask for is not in our best interest and in those times the answer we receive may be “no” or “not now”. Faith enables me to realize that what is meant to be, according to God’s will, will surely appear in my life and at the exact right time it is meant to.

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, yes I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters I will be with you.”

Third Cause: Frustration (aka stress) goes hand-in-hand with fear and is derived from the need to control. We want or expect things and people to be as we believe they should be according to our standards and values. When what we are seeking is not forthcoming, we experience a sense of powerlessness, a loss of control – the very definition of anger. Keep in mind that control is an illusion. Other than one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions, we have no control over anything external. At best, we can influence the outcome of any given situation; we can influence or inspire change in others. But all human beings have free will and regardless of how much we ask, beg, coerce, manipulate or threaten, people will only comply with our requests when it appears to be in their best interest at that time.

Spiritual Solution: We’re all familiar with the expression “Let go, let God”, a cliché filled with much wisdom. The Bible reminds us that there is a time and a season for everything under Heaven. We were not meant to have everything work out exactly according to our plans nor at the precise moment we anticipate it. Whatever enters our life is exactly what we are meant to experience in that moment. When things are not forthcoming, it may be that they are not meant to be or that it not been in our best interest or that perhaps the timing is wrong. Perhaps, God has a specific plan and our desires are not compatible with them. Maybe there is something even greater waiting to manifest in our lives. Therefore it is imperative that we let go of the need to control and allow life to unfold exactly as it is meant to. That means specifically to allow others to be who they are without imposing our demands and expectations on them; to allow them to learn and grow in their own time and way; and to grant them the opportunity to fulfill God’s Divine plan for them rather than conform to ours.

Jeremiah: “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord: plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”
Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

There are a host of powerful tools available in order to resolve the anger (aka hurt, fear, and/or frustration) within us from a deeply spiritual standpoint: prayer, nature, meditation, Scripture, and music (particularly worship music) are just a few that are always readily available.
Remember, all roads lead to God. When we fully understand and choose to live life from a purely spiritual perspective, we are at ease with whatever and whomever enters and/or leaves our lives. All is exactly as it is meant to be so be at peace.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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FIVE EASY STEPS TO INNER PEACE

One of my favorite authors, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, once stated that “There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.” This seemed rather contradictory to the common belief that a peaceful state of existence is a destination we arrive at after traversing a righteous path. Wayne challenges us to view peace as a state of mind, a choice, a way of life. One who is serene makes different conscious choices in the way they live. Here are five steps you can take to create a more peaceful life:

1. Refrain from judging others. Judgment of those who are different from us in any way or from what we consider acceptable is arrogant and self-righteous. In comparing individuals to ourselves or others we deem them less valuable, less worthy or inherently wrong and in doing so create unrest within ourselves. Once we commit this infraction, we must then work through the process of forgiveness in order to reinstate serenity. Remember that we were all created equal by our Heavenly Father. It is our personal issues that are unique to each of us but we are not our issues. We are physical expressions of God’s love in this world. Recognizing such eliminates the need for judgment.

2. Be grateful. In all that you do, find things to be grateful for. Gratitude wards off bitterness and resentment and allows for joy to flourish. Recognizing all of the beauty God created that is available to us on a daily basis keeps us focused on the positive, on the blessings in life. It also enables us to find goodness in every situation, including hardships, loss, betrayals, and such. I am at peace with all that is and do not feel the need to change anything for nothing is lacking. Everything is exactly as it is meant to be in this moment.

I begin each morning in prayer: “Heavenly Father, thank you for everything you have given me, for everything you have taken away from me, for everything you have left me, and for everything that is yet to come. Amen.”

3. Re Evaluate. Put everything into its proper perspective. Very little that occurs in life with worthy of upset. Most incidences are relatively insignificant and only have the degree of importance that we assign them. Asking yourself, “Will this even matter in ten years?” enables us to release much of what distresses us. In that way, we eliminate worry, fear, anxiety, anger and other stressful emotions. Trust in God. He’s overseeing everything. What may appear initially to be damaging may in truth reveal itself at a later date to be a great blessing. Look beyond the obvious to the value within.

4. Always be kind. In any given situation, we have the option to be kind or cruel. Choosing kindness allows for a more positive outcome to the situation. It prevents hurt feelings, is inclusive rather than divisive, shows respect, values the other party, uplifts and inspires, encourages and heals, and invites others to respond similarly. And, it’s good for the soul (yours and theirs). Knowing you were polite and courteous enables you to feel good about yourself and at peace with your actions. Even in circumstances where others are being unfair or rude, you can maintain your dignity by enforcing reasonable boundaries and extending respect regardless.

5. Live for God. Most people do what feels good or what they believe is right for them. Since our knowledge is limited, a more reliable source for righteousness is our Heavenly Father. Doing what makes me feel good in the moment can have serious consequences for me and those around me later on. However, when I follow God’s directive and live my life in such a way as to always seek to do what is right by Him, then I never make decisions that I will later regret nor that may cause suffering to others for all of my actions are motivated by love. In this way, I am at peace knowing my life is a reflection of God’s Word. No God – No Peace; Know God – Know Peace.

As Wayne Dyer stated, peace is the way. But the key to living a peaceful life is awareness. Just as one much pay careful attention as they traverse down any path in life so as not to become distracted and lose their way, one must always keep their eyes on peaceful choices, making peace their way of life. It’s not so hard, really. And it is well worth the effort.

“Peace isn’t the absence of fighting; peace is the presence of kindness.” The Secret Side of Anger by Janet Pfeiffer

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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ASSUME, ACCUSE, ASK

At some point in almost every person’s life, we have made false assumptions about another or blamed an innocent party for something they were not responsible for. Needless to say, both of these behaviors can lead to hurt feelings, people being offended and outraged or an angry defensive response from the targeted party. In some cases, it can prove extremely damaging to the relationship to the extent that an estrangement may occur or the offended party may seek retaliation of some sort.

Assumptions can be of a damaging, neutral or affirmative nature. Let’s examine each one:
There have been times when we have all assumed the worst about another person, particularly if it’s someone we don’t care for. You and your brother have never really gotten along with each other. He lent you his car over the weekend and a few days later discovered that the bumper was damaged. He assumes you are the one who is responsible since it was most recently in your possession. Without inquiring as to whether or not you have any knowledge of what happened, he automatically blames you. Regardless of the truth, he has declared you the guilty party and any investigation on his part is subsequently vacated. An incident such as this can be the catalyst that ends an already fragile brotherly bond.

A neutral assumption might look something like this: I presume that you will pick me up from work today as you have every day so far this week rather than ask you directly if you will be there as anticipated. While the assumption is neither favorable nor unfavorable, it can have a negative impact on the relationship should the other party fall to show up, not realizing that you were anticipating such. You feel disappointed or hurt by their actions; they are annoyed that you failed to ask them. While probably not serious enough to destroy the relationship, it can cause hard feelings that need to be addressed and resolved.

There are also times when we may make an affirmative assumption as well. Though less common, they often occur when someone we care about appears to be involved in an unsavory incident, for example. Imagine if someone witnesses a child doing drugs who bears a striking resemblance to your son and informs you of such. You become defensive and initially assume this person is only making these accusations because she dislikes your child, is a gossip, or wants to hurt your family. Negative assumption of the neighbor followed by an affirmative assumption of our child: you respond, “That can’t be possible. My son would never do drugs.” Wishing to believe the best about someone you care deeply about propels you to draw a positive conclusion without having any data to prove or disprove your theory. You look no further than your love for him and belief in your child’s innocence. You have formed an affirmative assumption.

As for accusations: when others accuse or blame us for something me may or may not have done, we feel as though we are under attack and our natural reaction to defend ourselves quickly goes into effect. Our anger escalates as we feel we are not being treated fairly. One serious accusation, regardless of its validity, can lead to a permanently damaged reputation and/or put the individual at serious risk. Consider accusations of sexual improprieties as an example. A person can lose their job without any proof of wrongdoing, can find themselves under investigation for a serious crime, and/or face the scorn and possible expulsion from their family. Accusations of any degree need to be given careful consideration before engaging them as they can have devastating consequences for the alleged offender.

In the case of a less serious personal interaction with another party where some matter has gone wrong and we are accused of being the sole party at fault, we naturally become agitated. Our perception is that the other party sees themselves as blameless, without having any accountability at all for what has transpired between them. Rarely when more than one person is involved does the fault lie with only one. Only when each party takes full ownership for their feelings, words, and behaviors can positive change occur. Personal responsibility is where our authentic power lies: our ability to choose (how we think, feel and behave).If my actions are problematic, I can choose to act in a different way, thereby effecting a different outcome. However, when I accuse and blame others I hold them fully accountable and in essence relinquish my power, thereby having no authority to effectively impact the situation.

When the tables are turned and we are the ones accusing or blaming others we fail to hold ourselves accountable on some level for the conditions around us: our financial struggles, our marital issues, joblessness or homelessness, poor health, lack of strong friendships, etc. We render ourselves powerless as we believe our circumstances are the result of some outside force rather than our own volition. Keep in mind, too, that powerlessness is one of the very foundations of anger.

Those who assume operate from a place of arrogance or indifference (to truth). When we make an assumption about an individual, in essence we are claiming to know without asking. “I possess superior intelligence, having the ability to assimilate information randomly. Therefore, I need not initiate in the inquiry process. I also have psychic abilities and can discern the motives behind your actions. I instinctively know that ‘why’ behind the ‘what’.” Assumers have no regard for truth. They only seek to support their own agenda; that is, they form a belief based on their feelings of those involved, collect all data to verify their claims, and avoid anything that may disprove their beliefs.

One would have little regard for a doctor who assumes to know what is ailing you. We would fully expect that they ask questions to uncover precisely what is causing you distress so that they may accurately diagnose and treat the condition. Anything less from them would be irresponsible and possible cause for legal action.

A police officer never assumes that the person holding the gun is the one who fired it, causing injury or death to a bystander. As obvious as it may appear, a responsible officer proceeds with an investigation, questioning anyone and everyone who may have any possible information that would lead to the prosecution of the rightful party.

Even in our judicial system, the accused is innocent until proven guilty. A prudent attorney will gather as much proof as possible to accurately locate and convict the person responsible for the crime and to protect the innocent party from a conviction.

Both assumptions and accusations are disrespectful to the other party as they show little interest in knowing the truth about them. Those who are truth seekers ask questions. They refrain from judging others or forming conclusions about a situation without first obtaining as much information about it or the individual as possible. They concern themselves with not having a scapegoat to hold accountable but rather for uncovering the facts so they can best address and resolve whatever the issue at hand is.

A fair minded person would never accuse or assume for fear of being grossly mistaken. One who is truly concerned about the well-being of others asks questions to be certain they know all of the facts before reaching a conclusion and deciding what steps to take next. It is the way in which each of us wants to be treated. As Ghandi so eloquently stated, “I must first be the change I want to see in others.” The Golden Rule instructs us to “Treat others as we wish to be treated.” The Bible commands us to “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

Therefore, be respectful of others as you would expect them to be of you. Refrain from assuming, accusing, and blaming. Ask questions instead. Be a seeker of truth. And only when you have obtained as much accurate information as possible, draw s just conclusion.

Q: “Those who seek the truth ask questions. Those who fear or are uninterested in the truth make assumptions or accusations. Always be a seeker of truth.”

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+