Posts Tagged ‘show’

Silencing Your Inner Critic

I learned to be critical of myself at a very early age. I never did anything right; everyone else was better than me; and even worse, I was never good enough, period. It didn’t help that during my impressionable formative years, society taught that the more you denigrated a child the harder they would try to improve. Long after my childhood was behind me the inner critic continued its sinister assignment of keeping me trapped in a pattern of callous judgment and self-loathing.

I’m a grandmother of thirteen. When I look at my grandchildren I see how they try and fall short; they act out and use poor judgment; they hurt themselves and one another, sometimes accidentally and other times purposefully. Their behavior, whether compliant with my standards or not, does not define them, nor is it a gauge upon which I measure my love and acceptance of them. Eventually they will grow and learn but that will occur in their own individual times and manner and not necessarily in accordance with my dictates. A loving grandparent (or parent) embraces them with patience, understanding, guidance, support, and love.

Why do I extend grace to others but omit the person I am closest to? Society, parents, teachers, and church leaders have instilled in us certain parameters by which we measure our value. By a predetermined age we are expected to have mastered certain physical capabilities, acquired the necessary social skills needed to sustain personal relationships, chosen a career path, discovered our place and purpose in the world, and worked through any residual agendas carried with us from childhood.

“I should know better!” “I’m too old to be making these mistakes.” “Look how much others have accomplished compared to me. I’m such a loser.” Although considered the highest form of life on the planet, we are the only genus that measures our development against that of our own species. We compare ourselves to others and that, my friend, is one of our greatest infractions against humanity. (Keep in mind that unmet expectations are a source of discontent and anger.)

The ancient wisdom of Native Americans declares, “Do not judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes.” An impossible feat by nature (no pun intended), this precludes judgment from ever transpiring. Yet once a criticism or comparison is implanted in our brains it can haunt us for a lifetime. It is our internal dialogue, that wretched voice in our head, that indoctrinates us with these insidious falsehoods, repeating them incessantly until they become our truths. Our inner critic devalues us, damages our self-esteem, makes us feel sad, depressed, hopeless, and apathetic and fill us with despair.

Is there a way one can silence the antagonist within? Absolutely!

1. When your inner critic appears, politely yet firmly instruct them to leave, reminding them that your mind is only receiving affirmative guests from this day forward.
2. At the onset of a negative recording, interrupt and replace it with positive testimonies, repeating words of encouragement and love. Recall favorable comments others have made about you in the past.
3. Understand that you were given human form in order to learn necessary lessons for your spiritual development. You were not intended to be perfect. Mistakes are normal vital steps towards Divine discovery. But keep in mind: they do not define you. Appreciate them for what they contribute to your life.
4. Remind yourself daily that you are a sacred child of the Almighty and All-loving God who created you in His image. Separate your intrinsic value from your human imperfections. Nothing can diminish your true worth as it has been pre ordained by the One who created you.

And lastly, always remember that our God is a God of tenderness and mercy. He alone defines our worth. He does not seek perfection but asks only for sincere effort. Be kind with yourself for Father God is kind with you. Be patient and understanding and compassionate for these are the graces He bestows on you. As a loving parent fully and tenderly embraces their child without conditions or restrictions, so too must we be willing to extend that same benevolence to this child of God, the one who bears our unique soul print.

Mark 12:31 “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

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Problem Interactions in the Workplace

Most of us work for a living. On or off the job we are bound to encounter a wide range of, shall I say, challenging personalities? Bullies, intimidators, hypocrites, backstabbers, underminers, instigators, complainers, gossips, withholders, and know-it-alls just to name a few. Their presence can be distressing and distractive. Many of us are ill-prepared to deal with their ever unpredictable behaviors yet are quick to hold them accountable for making it even more impossible to perform our already demanding jobs.

As in all relationships, the interaction between both parties contributes to the dysfunction on the job. Therefore, it is imperative to first examine the self for any improprieties. Take a moment and reflect upon the following:

~ Am I guilty of any of the preceding behaviors? Unless I am able to identify my own destructive behaviors I have no right to complain about others nor do I have the ability to improve the dynamics. I am responsible for my own actions and must first be willing to change myself.
~ How is my attitude? Have I always been polite and respectful? Was I in a bad mood the day we had an issue? Did I say or do anything that may have provoked the other party now or prior to the incident?
~ What is my history with this person: amicable or hostile? What is their personal history? Is this an isolated incident? Is this behavior out of character for them or typical?
~ Am I blowing things out of proportion? Have I taken personal offense to an issue that is not about me? Am I the only one in the office who has an issue with this person or does he/she behave the same way with all of us?
~ Is this impacting my performance on the job? It is causing me significant distress? Do I need to address the issue with the individual? Can I let it slide? Do I need to enlist the aid of another person such as my supervisor to help resolve this?

Only after I have thoroughly and honestly examined my role in this incident can I take action with (not against) the other party. (Attitude is key: you are coworkers, not adversaries.) There are several keys to dealing with individuals who exhibit the above characteristics:

1. Carefully and objectively assess the situation and determine its level of seriousness. A minor incident may be well to overlook while one of a more critical nature needs to be addressed.
2. Determine if this is something you are comfortable and qualified to handle on your own. Involving a third party might jeopardize the other’s anonymity and sense of safety.
3. Choose the proper time and location to discuss the issue.
4. Utilize a firm yet fair approach, speaking with confidence and clarity.
5. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Ask questions rather than make assumptions or accusations. However, be certain to hold them accountable for their actions.
6. Listen open mindedly to their response or explanation. Consider their point of view.
7. Set guidelines and boundaries if necessary.
8. State your position and what changes need to take place. Ask for the same from them.
9. Reach a mutually agreed upon settlement and put the issue behind you.
10. For those issues or individuals who will not change, accept what is and do the best you can under the circumstances. Not every incident will be resolved the way you had hoped for.

Remember that whatever course of action you choose to take or not take, do so with dignity and integrity. Your behavior reflects your character and the example you set may be just enough to surreptitiously resolve the issue.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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Anger: How Much is Too Much?

Jesus got angry. He was troubled by the many injustices he encountered while on Earth. At times, he expressed his dismay to those around Him. Anger, as with all emotions, has a place and purpose. But how does one know if there is too much anger in their lives? Here are ten warning signs to gauge if your anger levels exceed what is considered safe and healthy:

1. Frequency: how often do you get angry? Rarely, every day, several times a day, or are you always upset? One who flies off the handle at the drop of a hat needs to get to the root of their issues.
2. Intensity: do you find yourself primarily mildly annoyed, angry or do you express full blown rage? Mild anger is easily remedied without causing significant damage. Intense anger or rage can prove extremely detrimental to one’s safety and well-being.
3. Duration: does your anger dissipate momentarily, do you struggle to let it go, or are you someone who holds on to it indefinitely, possibly even seeking revenge? The longer the anger remains the greater the damage.
4. Aggression: does your anger lead to aggressive outbursts of a physical or verbal nature? This can have devastating consequences on the individual as well as those around them. One out of control moment can lead to a lifetime of suffering.
5. Relationships: are your intimate, personal, social, and/or professional relationships being negatively impacted by your anger? Are you fighting with family and/or friends or having problems getting along with coworkers? Don’t blame them! This red flag is a serious indicator of deep rooted issues and needs immediate attention.
6. Outsiders: how are those around you being affected by your anger? Are people afraid of you or do they avoid you for fear of triggering an outburst? We often learn the most about ourselves by carefully observing how our actions impact others.
7. Health: is your physical well-being being affected by your anger? Even repressed anger can lead to health issues ranging from mild stomach upset, to elevated blood pressure, to cancer and beyond. Listen to your body – it is a messenger for your emotional self.
8. Law: has your anger gotten you in trouble with the law? Have you been arrested for a physical altercation or for damaging personal property? Major red flag – one bad choice can change your life forever.
9. Joy: how is your anger impacting your overall enjoyment of life? Are you agitated, miserable, unhappy or simply unable to fully embrace life? Remember – you were created to be joyful and happy. You deserve so much better but only you are responsible for your life.
10. Others: what do your friends, family, and coworkers say about you? Do they believe you have a problem with anger? People act as mirrors: they reflect back to us what we do not recognize in ourselves. Pay close attention to what others have to say. They can prove to be your greatest allies.

No one is suggesting that you never be angry. Even the Son of God got ticked off. But keep in mind: anger is a choice. No one makes you angry. How frequently you experience it, how long you hold on to it, the manner in which you express it, process it, and/or heal it is entirely in your hands. Choose wisely because anger can be your ally or your worst nightmare. Pleasant dreams.

For the AFID Assessment Worksheet, visit www.Anger911.net. Click on blog tab.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+