I remember the first time I heard the statement “No is a complete sentence.” It was one of those “Aha” moments. Could this possibly be true? Could I actually say “No” without feeling the need to defend my answer. It was a revolutionary idea. As a recovering “people pleaser/fix everyone problems” kind of person this seemed an almost impossible feat. With all the changes my life was currently going through it seemed a good time to examine my boundaries and make sure they were firmly in place.
Boundaries are an essential part of healthy relationships. It is knowing where your limits are and being sure that these limits are honored and respected. For me I had often agreed to do things, readily saying yes and then regretting it afterward. My reason for saying yes was more to please the other person than to stop and think what the ramifications for me may mean. Often it caused me to short change other plans I had to accommodate something I should not have agreed to do. Does this sound familiar to you? If so here are a few steps you can take that will establish healthy boundaries and in the long run keep you happy as well as the people you deal with.
- Identify your limits. You may find that these change based on your circumstances but be clear with yourself as to what you can do physically, mentally & spiritually. If you have been going through a stressful situation cut yourself some slack and don’t take on more than you can handle. Do a little inner work with this and honestly ask yourself what you can and can’t do. Being honest with yourself will provide you with your answers.
- How do you feel? Your feelings are a great barometer for assessing your limits. Why are you doing what your doing? Are you coming from a place of love or fear? Each and every act we agree to should have an element of love to it. On some level make us feel good. If we are coming from a place of fear with an emotion like guilt than resentment may often follow.
- Be clear about your limits. Let people know what you will and won’t do. With some people clear communication is a necessity and speaking your truth will always get you farther than excuses.
- Give yourself permission. This is where your “no is a complete sentence” comes in. Don’t feel you have to defend what you won’t do. You have every right to say “no” with no explanation.
- Self-Care is a must. There are times when you can take on much more than others. When you are feeling fatigued, depleted and as if you just can’t do any more pay attention. Putting yourself first is not selfish it is self loving.
Tuesday, November 1 at 7:00 PM on The Night Shift we are going to be talking about boundaries and how you can establish yours. I will also be doing mini readings in the chat room. I look forward to seeing you there!
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