Did you know frustration is all rooted in the need to control? We all want things to be a certain way and as long as they comply, we’re ok. We expect people to be what we think they should be (after, who knows better than I how others should behave?). When they conform to our dictates, we get along just fine. However, when unexpected challenges arise (my camera batteries went dead just as my son hit a fly ball to center field; my husband didn’t plan a romantic evening for our anniversary), we become agitated and frustrated. “I knew it!” we scream. “Stuff like this always happens to me!” Feelings of victimization and powerless consume us and we fight to regain control. However, control is an illusion. We can only influence the outcome of any given situation; we can inspire the changes we would like to see in others but cannot force anyone to comply. Each individual has free will and will ultimately make their own decisions.
When we try to coerce things to kowtow to our orders, we set ourselves up for frustration. People do not have an obligation to fulfill my desires. Things don’t always have to go my way. We learn nothing when life is easy. It is only in disappointment, challenge and change that we grow.
Here are a few tips to reducing frustration in your life:
1. Put everything into perspective. How important is this issue really? Will you even remember it in 10 years?
2. Is what you are seeking fair and reasonable with this individual, at this time, under these conditions, in my time frame? If no, make some adjustments that are more realistic.
3. If the situation or person will not change, (it is what it is), can you accept and be ok with your current circumstances? Being “ok with” does not mean being “happy about”. It simply means you have put the issue to rest and are no longer troubled by it.
Remember: acceptance of that which we cannot change is the key to inner peace.
Let go. Allow things to unfold naturally. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole. It takes far too much effort and will never work.
