Everyone – we all need anger. The most simple basic definition of anger is that it’s an indication that we have unmet needs that have to be addressed, a sign that something is lacking in our lives that we want to satisfy. As with all emotions, anger is normal, useful, healthy, and necessary. Emotions are messengers of sorts. Each one reveals aspects about ourselves that we may not be aware of so that we may better know who we are and what matters to us. When an outside event stirs anger inside, we must first ask ourselves, “What is it that I need in this situation?”
Here’s an example: my boss is giving me more work than can possibly be completed by any normal human being in an eight-hour day. Finally, I blow up at her screaming that not only is this unfair but it’s inhumane as well. I can’t take it anymore and I’m about ready to quit. So what is it that I’m seeking? Well, there could be several things: I may need to be treated fairly and with respect, or I may need help from an assistant, or perhaps I need state-of-the-art equipment or relevant training that would allow me to complete more in less time. It is essential to identify what’s missing so that one can put forth effort in the proper area in order to reach an acceptable solution. So, step one: identify what the need is; step two: create a plan to fulfill that requirement. If my young children are playing wildly and making lots of noise that’s grating on my nerves, before lashing out at them, I ask myself, what do I need? “I need them to be quiet! Isn’t it obvious?” Is that the authentic or deceptive need? There is a difference. What I am really seeking is peace and quiet. Must I make them sit quietly, coloring in a book, or can I simply retreat to my room and close the door? If my first effort is to silence them, it may not be as easy (or fair) to accomplish as I think. My second option may prove to be a much more reasonable and attainable one. I seek refuge behind closed doors – need satisfied.
Let me add, too, that there is a significant difference between needs and wants. We want a lot of things: a new car, a slimmer body, more money, an attentive spouse or a new wardrobe. But those are actually desires, not necessities. Needs are those elements which we cannot live without, those things absolutely essential for our very survival. And there are only a few: clean air, water, food, protection from the elements/harm, inner peace, and Love (with a capitol “L”). This is important to note because we put forth great effort in acquiring those things in life which are superfluous, thus distracting us from pursuing that which has lasting value.
We’re all human and our very nature entices us to seek some of the perks life has to offer. However, we need to maintain focus on what really matters. Here are some helpful suggestions:
1. Re evaluate all needs demands you have placed on yourself, others, and life in general. Place them in the proper folder: authentic needs or deceptive wants.
2. Once an authentic need is identified, create a plan to fulfill that requirement.
3. Refrain from trying to force life or others to be what you want. Relinquish the need to control. Allow others to be who they are. Allow life to unfold naturally according to Divine Order.
4. Put your faith and trust in God. Ultimately, all of our needs are provided by the Father (along with our efforts as well). Whatever is truly in our best interest, whatever God wants us to have or whoever He wants in our life will come to pass. In Matthew 6:26, we are reminded: “Look at the birds of Heaven – they do not sow or reap or gather into barns. Yet your Heavenly Father cares for them. Are you not more valuable than they are?”
5. Remember the Beatles’ lyrics when they wrote, “All you need is Love”. They were right – Love with a capitol “L”.
God is Love and all you really need you already have and always will . Everything else is just fluff and stuff.
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