We all get angry. Lord knows, I’ve had my share of inappropriate tirades and years of pent-up anger as well. While anger is a vital part of the human experience, I’m not pleased with the times I’m blown things out of proportion, allowed others to push my buttons and elicit an unsightly response, silently seethe over things I was unhappy about, or choose unhealthy ways of trying to cope with my emotions. I wish someone had taught me about anger as a child what I finally learned in midlife. It would have prevented so much suffering for myself and those around me.
How often have others told us to just get over it or to not let things bother us. Easier said than done, right? “But I can’t help how I feel!” we whine. “I don’t want to be angry – it just happens. If people would stop making me angry or being so ignorant I wouldn’t have this problem.” Ah, yes, blame it on the other guy. That’s certainly is empowering. The moment we hold someone else accountable for how we feel (or behave) we are nothing more than puppets being manipulated by a master puppeteer. Helpless and powerless (the very definitions of anger), we succumb to the role of victim. A victim experiences fear born out of powerlessness which is one of the root causes of anger. In essence, they create a vicious cycle of vulnerability, fear, anger, blame, and back to defenselessness again and again.
Is there a way out of anger? Indeed there is. In fact, each of us has two very powerful weapons available to us at all times that will combat our incense. The first is:
Intellect: Our ability to gather data, process it, understand, and rationalize the information. I can observe any situation, any circumstance, any individual’s behavior and ask questions. What is happening, why is it occurring, how did it originate, who is involved, and what was each party’s role in this event? The what, why’s, how’s and who’s are critical pieces of information that provide a deeper understanding and awareness of the issue at hand. Once acquired, our intellectual brains can process, sort out, categorize, and prioritize all pertinent material, discarding that which is irrelevant, misleading, or inaccurate. My logical self, my brain or thought process, then makes a determination as to how to view the situation, how to feel about it, whether or not to respond, and if so, how.
Free Will: One of our greatest assets is our ability to choose for ourselves. No one has the power or authority to make decisions for us. Of course, there are those who we may give permission to or those who try to pressure us but ultimately we opt for that which we believe to be the best or right determination. Unless one is under the influence of a mind-altering substance or is mentally incapable of managing their own life, we all have the ability to choose our own thoughts. I can choose to judge someone harshly or to be considerate; to criticize or praise them; to love or hate; to act or remain still. Once I choose my thoughts I accept the corresponding emotions attached to said thought. In that regard I choose my own anger.
Consider the following questions before engaging in anger:
Is this situation worthy of my anger? If so, how much and for what period of time? In what way will I express and/or use it – for destructive purposes or to benefit all those concerned? How much anger is sufficient or appropriate for these circumstances? Am I willing to relinquish my happiness, health, inner peace in order to feel irate? Will being angry benefit me and those around me or potentially cause harm?
Choosing not to be angry is as simple as entertaining a different thought. Our internal voice, what we say to ourselves in the quiet resources of our mind, is the most powerful tool we have. Combine that with the ability to intellectually process and rationalize information and you are armed with all you need to resist anger. So think carefully and choose wisely for your choices determine your levels of peace and happiness.
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