Three Key Strategies for Reducing Anger

I see clients ever week who ask me to teach them how to control their tempers. “I’m not the person to help you with that. Controlling anger can be hazardous to your health and to the safety of those around you.” Most often, they stare at me in disbelief. “Controlling anger takes an enormous amount of mental and physical energy. Due to the nature and sheer force of anger, it can easily overpower you at some point, rearing its ugly head at the most inappropriate time, in the worst possible manner, and often at the wrong individual. Repressed anger, on the other hand, has the potential to cause serious and life-threatening health issues. So, the answer is ‘no’.”
What I have been teaching my clients for twenty years is to understand what anger really is (it’s a symptom of deeper underlying emotions – hurt, fear, and/or frustration), how to express it appropriately (when necessary), and most importantly how to heal it, to be free of any residual rage, annoyance, bitterness or resentment.

There are three basic strategies that work best for helping those with anger issues: cognitive therapy, relaxation techniques, and skill development.

Cognitive therapy*: our thought process. When working with a client I help them examine their core belief systems for any flaws that need to be corrected. Eckhart Tolle, NY Times bestselling author of “The Seat of the Soul”, says that the most important thing we have are our beliefs. Every decision we make is based on what we deem true. An inaccurate principle will yield erroneous results. If I believe I am always targeted at my job because I am an older employee, then every time someone is unhappy with my performance my belief cause me to feel disrespected, discriminated against, etc. – all of which will lead to anger.

Here’s a simple equation to help you determine if your thought process will yield positive results or not: TECO Magic – Thoughts create Emotions. Emotions determine the Choices we make (our behaviors) and each action produces an Outcome. Thought > Emotion > Choice > Outcome.
Relaxation techniques: these involve such activities as meditation, yoga, hypnosis, visualization, prayer, nature, reading, music, affirmation – any behavior that fosters a sense of calm and well-being. In the second edition of “The Secret Side of Anger”, I have included a new chapter called, “Creating a Peace Plan”. I strongly recommend that people create a list of behaviors that make them feel calm and relaxed. By incorporating a few into their daily routine, they automatically reduce their levels of stress and anger so that when a situation arises that would normal cause them to react in a hostile way, they respond in a much less severe manner. I have exquisite nature photos hanging in m office and in my home. Simply gazing at them evokes feelings of tranquility. Reciting the Serenity Prayer or a passage from Scripture can calm me down instantaneously. Even something as simple as deep breathing, which allows more oxygen to be delivered to the blood and brain, can calm the mind and relax the body. And it can be done anywhere and in any situation.

Skill sets: these are critical in managing anger appropriately. The SWaT Strategy is one of my favorites. At the first sign that you are becoming upset, Stop what you are doing. Next, Walk away. And third, Talk yourself calm. (For more details, read “The Secret Side of Anger”.) Talking out your feeling with a trusted friend, trained professional or in the context of a support group can prove highly beneficial. It enables you to see things from another perspective, gain valuable insight, unload frustration in a safe environment, and get positive feedback and suggestions.

Each of these approaches has enormous benefits. A combination of two or more can lead to lifetime of peaceful coexistence with yourself, others, and the world. Don’t you deserve it?

*I am not a therapist and do not do therapy with my clients.
To order a copy of “The Secret Side of Anger” or “The Great Truth” visit
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“Not Ready for Granny Panties” author, Mary Fran Bontempo on The Nancy Ferrari Show

Tune in for an entertaining and witty episode of The Nancy Ferrari Show airing live, March 11th at 10:00 am PT/1:00 pm ET on W4CY Radio.  Nancy Ferrari’s featured guest is Mary Fran Bontempo, author, speaker, and teacher who writes with humor and insight about the lives of women as they journey through life’s various phases. 

Award winning author, humorist, speaker and teacher Mary Fran Bontempo has been writing for and about women for over 30 years. With wit and humor, she delivers a message that inspires women to make themselves a priority in their own lives and grab their fair share of joy as they meet life’s challenges head-on.

A former newspaper columnist (until newspapers went the way of the dinosaur), Mary Fran realized that she’d have to do some reinventing in her writing life; that’s when she created Not Ready For Granny Panties—starting with a blog, then a book and finally a lifestyle.

The reinvention taught Mary Fran that age is irrelevant to learning and there is fun to be had in the process of transformation—a message she shares with women eager to learn how to remain relevant and embrace life in a rapidly changing world. Through her own transition from newspaper columnist to blogger to published author to speaker and teacher, Mary Fran is an inspiration for women young, old and somewhere in the middle.

Published in fall, 2012, Mary Fran’s second book, Not Ready For Granny Panties—The 11 Commandments for Avoiding Granny Panties, offers readers a new “Bible” to help women reclaim their lives, their vitality and their fun. With commandments like “Thou Shalt Ignore More,” “Thou Shalt Scare Thyself,” and “Thou Shalt Not Wear Elastic Waist Pants,” readers embark on a delightful ride that is equal parts fun and inspiration.

Mary Fran’s first book, Everyday Adventures or, As My Husband Says, “Lies, Lies and More Lies,” was published in 2007. Her work has received notable mention by the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop and Humor Press, among others. She speaks frequently at women’s events and writer’s seminars and currently writes for her blog, Not Ready For Granny Panties ( Mary Fran is also a featured columnist for Women’s Voices Magazine. Both of Mary Fran’s books are available on Amazon and Barnes and



January Jones with The Psychic Lawyer, Mark Anthony

Mark Anthony, The Psychic LawyerMark_Anthony


January Jones – Mark Anthony, the Psychic Lawyer!

Latest Book: Evidence of Eternity

Communicating with Spirits for Proof of the Afterlife

Everyone has heard of Lawyers and everyone has heard of Psychics, but have you heard of The Psychic Lawyer ™?

Mark Anthony the Psychic Lawyer is an Oxford educated attorney who is also a psychic medium who presents evidence and facts from spirits on the Other Side.

His new book, “Never Letting Go,” (Llewellyn Worldwide) is an Award Winning major New Age Best Seller. To view the author video please visit:


Mark Anthony the “Psychic Lawyer ™ (also known as the Psychic Attorney),” is a world renowned psychic medium who specializes in communication with spirits. He is descended from a long line of psychics and mediums that have been helping people with their abilities for centuries.

Mr. Anthony appears world wide on radio and television as an expert in spirit contact and the paranormal. An accomplished public orator, Mark regularly lectures on Life after Death and Contact with the Spirit World.  He often serves as a featured speaker at conventions, conferences, expos, religious and spiritual organizations and universities including Harvard, Brown and Yale.

Mark’s best selling, award winning and critically acclaimed book Never Letting Go, is the definitive guide to healing grief with help from the Other Side. This compelling page turner is for anyone coping with the loss of a loved one. His next book is due to be released in 2014.

A charismatic, intelligent and humorous accomplished public speaker, Mark appears worldwide on radio and TV as both a legal and as a paranormal expert. He has appeared as a guest commentator on NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX and Coast to Coast AM Radio to name a few.