Posts Tagged ‘Live Performance’

PROD Method of Conflict Resolution

Conflict: one of the most feared words in the English language and sadly one of the most misunderstood as well. My mission: to bring deeper awareness to this benign term, to remove all preconceived negativity associated with disagreements, and to reinstate it’s position of value in our vocabulary. If anyone is prepared to undertake such a loft goal, it is I – Conflict Resolution Girl! (Ta-da-ta-da!)

Lately I’ve been conducting a lot of conflict resolution workshops for businesses. In almost every case attendees admit to avoiding conflict whenever possible. “I hate fighting” is a common response. Yet conflict, I explain, is not synonymous with arguing. It’s simply defined as “two forces in opposition”, two differences of opinions or views. With the proper skills, disputes can actually be a valuable asset.

Consider the PROD Method the next time a disagreement arises. PROD stands for Position > Request vs Opinion > Demand. Let me explain:

First, state your Position: how you see things, what is not working for you, and how you feel. Here’s an example: A manager notices that one of her employees takes longer than permissible lunch breaks. She approaches the worker and states the following: “I’ve noticed that on several occasions you’ve left early for lunch and/or returned later than the thirty minutes allowed. Company policy is very clear as to when employees may leave and exactly when they are expected back. I find it disconcerting when you bend the rules.”

Secondly, express your Request: ask for what you need/expect, being fair and reasonable, assertive and confident. “I need you to pay closer attention to the time you come and go. I’m confident that will not be an issue for you. If you need assistance, I’d be happy to help.”

The second portion of PROD refers to Opinion and Demands.

Consider the same scenario but the manager expressing her Opinion rather than Position. “You’re taking advantage of this company by not obeying the rules. You think rules apply to everyone but you.”

Follow this with a Demand: “Do it again and I’ll have you fired! Don’t push your luck or you’ll regret it.”

Can you see the distinct differences? Position shows respect for the other party by dealing with facts only and refraining from assumptions, judgments, or threats. It speaks in the first person (“I” terms) about an observation, feelings and needs, and treats the other party as an peer. The Request is based on fairness, seeks a reasonable solution, and relies on trust that the other party will fully comply.

Opinion, on the other hand, is subject to interpretation rather than being fact-based. It’s judgmental, rude, hurtful, and fails to take into consideration the other person’s feelings.

Demands create an imbalance of power – a parent/child or authority/subordinate relationship. (Even though it may apply it is not necessarily advantageous.) Its fear-based origins lend themselves to giving strict orders with severe consequences in order to gain control and obtain the desired resolution.

Consider how you would best respond to another person approaching you to discuss a sensitive issue. Polite, fair, reasonable, and respectful vs judgmental, rude, excessive, and hurtful. It’s a no-brainer. And no, that does not mean that you don’t need a brain. It takes a fair amount of intelligence to master the art of resolution but even more than brains it requires sensitivity, compassion, consideration, and respect. And those all come from the heart.

To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/

Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+

Take 4 Steps to Make Your Busy Life Healthy! RECIPES. SUNDAY. 1pm ET on W4WN radio

MyBusyHealthyLife,Celeste

We all know how to be busy and unhealthy. But who wants that? If you have a busy life and you want to be healthy, this is the show for you. Guests, Celeste Davis (The Wellness Shop, authors, radio hosts) will join us in the Family Food Experts Kitchen to share the program they have created to make it easier to be healthy while you are on the fast track at work, home and in your community, meeting endless needs and demands. Simply prepare, listen, cleanse and sustain; you will be renewed and soon enjoying the rewards of a healthy lifestyle. Whether you don’t know where to start, know but haven’t put it practice, are ready to change for medical reasons or just plainly want a program that works and is nutrient dense, Celeste and her husband, Phil, have created and tested this 4 step process to work for you. Their recipes make this program inviting! FYI: Juicing is not required – good news for some of you!

Come into our Family Food Experts Kitchen with Celesteand me as we make our busy lives healthy! Sunday, 1pm ET, onW4WN.com.

… for the health of your family,
ellen

www.KidKritics.org
www.FuelYourDreams.org
www.FamilyFoodExperts.org

 

Debunking Six Common Myths About Anger

I’ve been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life’s most powerful emotion. I’ve decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with…

Myth #1. Anger is a bad emotion. It’s wrong to get angry.
Truth: All emotions have purpose and value. They are great tools that enable us to learn more about ourselves – why we react to certain stimuli the way we do, what matters to us and what’s unimportant, where our expectations and judgments lie, and what circumstances we take issue with that need work to correct. It is not the anger that is bad – it is the way in which we manage (or don’t manage) it and express it that can cause serious damage.

Myth #2. When you feel angry, it’s best to let it out and get it off your chest.
Truth: Yes and no. Sometimes it’s not necessary to express how you feel. Many issues can be resolved internally without ever verbalizing your displeasure. Sometimes it’s not wise to convey your feelings. Blatantly telling a police officer that you’re livid that he pulled you over for speeding could cause him to become irate and rather than simply issue you a warning you are slapped with a hefty ticket. However, there are times when it is perfectly acceptable and advantageous to let the other party know that you are upset with them or with what has transpired. Sharing feelings invites open dialogue that can clear the air, gain deeper insights, and strengthen relationships.

Myth #3. You can’t help the way you feel.
Truth: Anger is a choice. I decide if I want to be upset about a situation or just let it be. All emotions originate in the mind with a thought. And since I alone choose my thoughts I also choose the corresponding emotion. When my best friend fails to return my call after a week’s time, I can tell myself she’s being rude or consider that she might have simply forgotten. One evokes anger, the other compassion. Either way – my choice.

Myth #4. Other people/things make you angry.
Truth: People or events (outside stimuli) are triggers, not causes. Whenever we experience an event (something occurs, someone says/does something that does not meet our criteria for what should happen) we become agitated. Pay careful attention to the expectations and demands you place on yourself and those around you. Expecting that there be no traffic at 7 am when I leave for work, is likely to cause me to become irate when I find myself in bumper-to-bumper congestion on the freeway. A simple readjusting of one’s expectations to what is reasonable for the situation alleviates any potential anger from manifesting.

Myth #5. Anger is hereditary. If you have a bad temper you can’t help it – it’s in your genes.
Truth: Anger is a learned behavior. Claiming that it is inherited is an avoidance tactic – a way to circumvent taking responsibility for your attitude and subsequent behaviors. Under the right conditions, anyone can control their anger. If the consequences are too high (perhaps you run the risk of getting fired for an explosive outburst at work) you will contain your feelings until you are in a safer environment where the dangers of expressing it are far less. A bad temper can be healed with the proper knowledge, tools, and commitment.

Myth #6. People with anger issues yell, scream, throw things, hit, punch, etc. Those who don’t react with aggression don’t have a problem with anger.
Truth: Not so. One is simply more apparent than the other. Many people are afraid to openly express how they feel and keep their anger bottled up inside. This can lead to depression, health issues, relationship problems, addictions, somatizing (inflicting harm upon oneself such as self-mutilation), self-loathing, and more. Others resort to sarcasm, the silent treatment or other covert behaviors. And there are some who are in denial of their anger believing that it is wrong and/or that they will be judged because of it. Either way, suppressing anger can have potentially deadly consequences.

Anger is a normal, healthy, useful, and necessary emotion. Acknowledge it when it arises, get to the root* of what is bothering you, heal those issues, and let it go. Anger directed appropriately can yield positive benefits for you and those around you. Choose your emotions wisely for they direct the course of your life.

*Learn more in The Secret Side of Anger
To order a copy of The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth visit http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html
Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/53-Anger-911-Radio/
Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Google+